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-   -   Any Tips on How to Start (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69386)

Ashley612 03-22-2014 12:33 AM

Any Tips on How to Start
 
My husband and I just started talking about this. I'm the one that brought it up because quite frankly he's not meeting my sexual needs. I love him with all my heart, and he is my best friend. Other than our physical relationship our marriage couldn't be better. (and before it's mentioned I know 110% that he's not cheating)

The issue I have is in a previous relationship, I've had relationships with another woman and my ex-husband, just to have them hook up behind my back, so while I am ok with polyamory I have a jealous streak that i am still trying to overcome.

Would love some advice on the jealousy issue, and/or how to start. Thnks, Ashley

Tiberius 03-22-2014 01:05 AM

You could start by seeing that jealous can often come from fear: fear of losing your partner, fear of losing control, etc. In a relationship that is built on love and trust, these fears can be stopped. It's not always easy, but it can be done.

And make sure there is a HUGE amount of openness and communication with polyamory, because this is what helps to keep those fears away. Fears tend to come from the unknown, and by keeping the lines of communication wide open, the unknowns are pushed away.

Ashley612 03-22-2014 01:14 AM

thanks
 
That's why I don't want to just scrap the idea even before I've started. We have been fantastic at communicating so far including my feeling of these fears already. I've been a control freak my whole life, thanks to some stuff in my childhood. One thing that is common for me though is once I get past the discomfort, that I usually find facing my fears leads to a much happier life.

Tiberius 03-22-2014 03:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ashley612 (Post 262680)
That's why I don't want to just scrap the idea even before I've started. We have been fantastic at communicating so far including my feeling of these fears already. I've been a control freak my whole life, thanks to some stuff in my childhood. One thing that is common for me though is once I get past the discomfort, that I usually find facing my fears leads to a much happier life.

Sounds like you have a good start.

kdt26417 03-23-2014 12:55 AM

Hi Ashley,
Here are some links to some threads/sites/pages regarding jealousy, in case that might help.

Let us discuss the greeneye monster shall we?
How to slay the greeneyed beastie.

Jealousy, Envy, Insecurity, Etc.
How do you achieve compersion?

The Theory of Jealousy Management
The Practice of Jealousy Management

Jealousy and the Poly Family
Kathy Labriola: Unmasking the Green-Eyed Monster
Brené Brown: the Power of Vulnerability

It actually sounds like you tried poly before, but just had problems with jealousy. Part of the problem is that your ex and the other woman went behind your back, they should have come to you to let you know they were thinking of hooking up and wondered if that would be okay. Sometimes your trust can be damaged more by not being told than by anything else.

Anyway, take your time and read lots of stuff here on the forum. You'll soon find the answers that you need.

Ashley612 03-23-2014 02:37 AM

Thanks for all the links. Off to read ;) Ash

kdt26417 03-23-2014 04:47 AM

:D


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