Polyamory.com Forum

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-   -   Total Newbie Here (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69385)

Ashley612 03-22-2014 12:27 AM

Total Newbie Here
I've been thinking about being open/poly for years, but just talked to hubby about it this weekend. We've been married for 6 years, together 7. Really not sure if this is for us or not, that's why I joined the forum. Looking to meet open minded people and get some useful tips on how to ease into the lifestyle. Hubby and I both think if we can get it to work, it would really make us both happier. Can't wait to "meet" you all. Ashley

Magdlyn 03-22-2014 05:47 PM

Hi Ashley. Welcome to the board!

Ashley612 03-22-2014 05:51 PM


Originally Posted by Magdlyn (Post 262716)
Hi Ashley. Welcome to the board!

Magdlyn, Thanks so much btw. I LOVE the line there's no lying in polyamory. I've already encountered individuals online that don't seem to understand the concept that polyamory doesn't mean trying to cheat on my husband.

Can't wait to get to know everyone.

kdt26417 03-23-2014 01:51 AM

Greetings Ashley,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I've had a look at your posts here and there so far (and posted in one of them) and it looks like you and your husband are very sincere about wanting to give poly a try and do the job right, while you have some concerns about past situations in which you have been hurt and discovered some internal insecurities as well.

I don't see anything overwhelming that can't be overcome, you just have to take things in little steps at a time and not try to eat the whole elephant at once. For instance, I'd suggest not even trying to practice any poly living until you've taken some time to dig in and explore this site; there is so much collective wisdom and experience you can learn from. Find out what kind of obstacles others have faced, what did and didn't work. To that end, the Poly Relationships Corner and Life stories and blogs board can be particularly useful. But the point is, take your time and bask in the learning process before attempting your first dive off the high dive at the deep end. Make sure you know how to swim and that you have a reasonable comfort level with things.

Whenever I post on a thread, I always start following that thread so you can come to me with questions/concerns anytime you need to, and you'll find that lots of other people here will be there to help you too. Just let us know what would help the most, and feel free to share your thoughts whatever they may be.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know I was glad to meet you and read your initial posts.

Kevin T., "official greeter" :)


There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!

Ashley612 03-23-2014 02:53 AM

thanks so much for the warm reply. Finding caring individuals like you has really been helpufl so far in the process. Growing up in a society of monogamy, it's hired to think things through other than how you are "told" to wire them. I tend to jump off the deep end, so the advice about not doing that is well appreciated.


kdt26417 03-23-2014 04:45 AM

Glad to help. :)

RumRumi 03-26-2014 04:18 AM

Welcome Ashley!

I have been lurking on this board to try to understand myself and my relationships better. It has been very positive and there are some great nuggets of wisdom scattered about. It is fun to read about the different ways in which people have entered into polyamory.

I was kind of blindsided by the realization that I could genuinely and intensely love two people at the same time. I fell in love with a colleague. We are both married. My wife understood my poly-ness long before I did and was really accepting. It was very cool to fall in love again! Truly amazing! And then it sucked when the colleague and her partner came to the conclusion that it couldn't work for them.

Kudos for representing 612!


Ashley612 03-29-2014 03:13 AM

A fellow Twin cities peep. I love it. Yeah it's going to be an interesting journey. So far the problem I am having is finding men that realize the difference b/w sexual and sex obsessed. Not in any rush at all, but would like to meet more people that get what I mean lol.

JohninCA 03-29-2014 04:44 AM

Fell into it
My wife and I just fell into polyamory. Our friend moved in with us and we both fell in love with her. My wife and I still have a strong loving relationship. We compared it to having our kids. After the first one I thought I could not love another child, but when number two came along, it hit me. Oh this is how it is. When our partner became a partner, it was eye opening. There are things my wife and her like that I do not like, but there are things that our partner likes that my wife wants nothing to do with. The three of us share a bed every night, and it's been amazing thus far. Monogamy is not for everyone we are discovering. It's been the most amazing time and I wish more people would understand this life style.


swirlingnurse 04-01-2014 02:06 AM

Hi Ashley! I'm new as well to the forum. It's an interesting and wonderful journey towards polyamory and I wish you the best as you and your husband discover this together.

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