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-   -   More descriptive terms for metamours (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69308)

Amanita 03-14-2014 09:01 AM

More descriptive terms for metamours
Hi all,

I was wondering whether any of you have discovered/invented other ways to describe or name the relationships you have with your metamours? 'Metamour' seems to be a very functional term to me - it describes the position of both parties in a relationship, but doesn't really say anything about what kind of relationship you have with each other. Daedalea and I have been talking about this, because we all signed up to FetLife recently and there simply isn't a category for for us (they don't even use metamour over there). So she and Astraeus can describe themselves as being polyamorous with each other, but there's no way for she and I to indicate the special relationship we have with each other.

To clarify, we have a deep, loving, adventurous and at times hilarious friendship with each other that is based not only on our mutual love for Astraeus but also on the fact that we have a lot in common anyway (we probably would have become friends even if there hadn't been anything with Astraeus). The other day we described it as a sort of combination of friendship and sisterhood, which made us think of sister-wives (without the religious connotations). I think we are pretty much everything just short of being in a triad, really. Up till now she's been describing me as her sweetie's wife with whom she gets on very well, and I've been calling her my husband's sweetie who I love dearly too, but we'd like something a bit simpler, naturally :P

Any thoughts, ideas or own inventions?


Tonberry 03-14-2014 09:54 AM

I've heard things like co-wives and co-husbands but that implies a) a marriage-like relationship for both relationships mentioned and b) that the two metamours are the same gender. Although I guess co-spouse would fix the latter, and co-partner might fix both?

london 03-14-2014 09:57 AM

"I have a close, loving, independent realtionship with my metamour"

nycindie 03-14-2014 01:27 PM


Ariakas 03-14-2014 01:47 PM

No I haven't really. Friend is a good one

Too many labels in this corporate polyamory. I will stick to the simple ones.

Ironically I used to be a label maker. Much simpler now

Inyourendo 03-14-2014 02:01 PM

When nate was with Jane I just called her nates girlfriend if I was referencing their relationship. If referencing my relationship with her id call her my friend. All others have been "the chick nate is fooling around with" I don't consider his fuck buddies as my metamores. I've never even met most of them unless its the ones who he met through me but I again would refer them as friends if im describing my relationship with them

happytovee 03-14-2014 03:17 PM

We've come up against this issue too. My boyfriend's wife and I are very close friends but the terminology is tough. She's not my best friend or sister; those roles are taken. Girlfriend implies a sexual relationship which isn't the case. Friend isn't enough. Sister wife is closest but implies religious aspects so what to use?? So far we say my boyfriend's wife or husband's girlfriend but that doesn't show our close friendship. Ugh!

polybynature 03-14-2014 03:28 PM

If you want to get more complicated, my BF and his wife are separated but live together. We aren't friends. So what the heck are we? lol

Inyourendo 03-14-2014 03:44 PM


Originally Posted by polybynature (Post 262070)
If you want to get more complicated, my BF and his wife are separated but live together. We aren't friends. So what the heck are we? lol

Sounds like she's your boyfriend's ex or roommate

LovingRadiance 03-14-2014 07:42 PM

I usually use their name. If I need to describe the relationship, then "friend" if they are my friend. If they aren't my friend, I don't have a reason to describe their relationship except on this board generally. In that case, it's back to a name and titles are avoided.

But-I find titles very difficult most of the time. Particularly because GG and I have filtered through SO MANY roles in each others lives and sometimes by the day...

Currently we are broken up in the sense that we are not sexually involved at all (and haven't been for months). But we are still roommates, coparents and we still love each other. We're still friends... but to use one of those labels suggests to other people what we WILL be and that is undefinable. So I just call him GG.

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