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-   -   Mono Vs. Poly (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69264)

PolyinPractice 03-10-2014 06:55 PM

Mono Vs. Poly
 
I was discussing the concepts, oh, I wish I remember who posted it now, but basically breaking mono and poly down the following way:

Monoamory: emotional/romantic connection with one person
Polyamory: emotional/romantic connection with more than one person at the same time
Monosexual: physical relations with one person
Polysexual: physical relations with more than one person at the same time (not necessarily in the same bed)

If you think of it like that, instead of monogamy and polyamory; it opens up a lot more. Polyamory means a variety of things to different people. But using the above options gives a lot more flexibility. I think in a lot of cases people think of monogamy as "monoamorous" + "monosexual" and polyamorous as "polysexual" + "polyamorous." I think a lot of the confusion arises when people mix them up, though.

Like, when people say poly is all about sex. I think it's because what they've seen is "monoamorous" + "polysexual" and people feeling the need to choose either the poly or mono label, when truthfully they're both. So, yes, in that case being "poly" IS all about sex. Because the portion of poly they're associating with is the "sexual" and not the "amory" part.

Guess my point is you can be polypoly or monomono, but you can be monopoly, too :)

Did that just come out as utter nonsense?

Edit: I know my definitions weren't exactly the same as the original ones, but I think they're close enough.

InsaneMystic 03-10-2014 09:11 PM

Wait for the confusion when you tell someone that you're asexual and poly, so it's not about the sex at all for you...

PolyinPractice 03-10-2014 10:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by InsaneMystic (Post 261735)
Wait for the confusion when you tell someone that you're asexual and poly, so it's not about the sex at all for you...

True. I guess you should really add an option for "asexual" and...."a-mory" (not capable of loving any?)

Eponine 03-11-2014 12:22 AM

The way I see it, polyamory is about emotional/romantic connections by definition, but since the vast majority of people are sexual, multiple romantic connections almost by default means multiple sexual connections as well. I don't think "polyamorous + monosexual" is very common.

On the other hand, "monoamorous + polysexual" is pretty common, and some of these people misuse the polyamory label, which causes the misconception "poly is all about sex." There's another label for them - sexually open.

Tonberry 03-12-2014 05:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PolyinPractice (Post 261742)
True. I guess you should really add an option for "asexual" and...."a-mory" (not capable of loving any?)

aromantic is the word you're looking for. Aamorous would be too confusing, since amorous means loving, plus aromantic (aro for short) is already an established term.

Don't forget polygamy/monogamy (number of actual partners, physical or not). Being polyamorous doesn't mean you have several partners (or even any) at the moment.

london 03-12-2014 07:32 PM

I feel that people tend to (mis)apply the "polysexual but monoamorous" label to people who don't appear to want to commit to them or anyone else. Commit by their standards, anyway. The truth is, like others have said, someone might not be in the right place to develop (additional) relationships with the features of traditional romantic commitment but it doesn't mean they won't ever be and it might just mean they don't feel they are compatible with you for that type of relationship.

Poly doesn't mean that every single relationship you choose to pursue involves or even had the potential for involving romantic love.

I do agree, however, that some people who genuinely want polysexuality with monoamory feel compelled to adopt the polyamory label due sex negative stigma. The apparent focus in polyamory on love and it not being simply about wanting (dirty/sinful/shallow) sex with loads of people purifies non monogamous desires for some people so they stray to this relationship style when NSA swinging would possible be a better fit for them.

PolyinPractice 03-14-2014 06:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by london (Post 261888)
Poly doesn't mean that every single relationship you choose to pursue involves or even had the potential for involving romantic love.

I'm assuming this means every single sexual relationship? Not friendships or other relationships.

If so, I absolutely agree that someone can be both poly and open, or identify as poly and pursue casual sex. I'm primarily interested in poly relationships, but I like to have fun, too. As long as you are clear with your intentions with that person-- wanting a poly relationship or a casual encounter-- I see no issues in one being both.

london 03-14-2014 08:39 AM

You can't always say whether something will start casual and become more serious and/or long term with more entanglements.

nycindie 03-15-2014 01:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PolyinPractice (Post 262046)
. . . I absolutely agree that someone can be both poly and open, or identify as poly and pursue casual sex.

There have been some hot debates about that on these boards over the few years I've been coming here!

Many polyfolk feel that "it ain't poly if you're just fucking around." They call that polyfuckery. Most polyamorists, it seems to me, tend to agree that there should be some sort of loving quality to relationships in order to be considered poly - but they also recognize and accept that one can have that and casual liaisons with others as well.

And yet, I've encountered a little bit of criticism and been pooh-poohed because some people think that what I want in my life is not really poly, since I mostly want lover-friends (my term for FWBs) in my life, rather than more entangled partnerships or boyfriends - as if that can't possibly be loving or I couldn't possibly fall in love with someone with whom my relationship has more casual parameters than most would expect. That is poppycock, of course (not that I care one iota whether or not my life meets someone else's criteria for poly, anyhoo).

PolyinPractice 03-15-2014 07:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nycindie (Post 262108)
some people think that what I want in my life is not really poly, since I mostly want lover-friends (my term for FWBs) in my life, rather than more entangled partnerships or boyfriends - as if that can't possibly be loving or I couldn't possibly fall in love with someone with whom my relationship has more casual parameters than most would expect.

Of course FWBs or relationships you go into with solely sexual intentions aren't "poly" relationships....but where do people think romantic, long term relationships come from, anyway? And sometimes you go into something, insisting it'll only be physical, and then feelings develop....

*off my soapbox now*


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