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-   -   New Aussie guy (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69097)

Tiberius 02-27-2014 09:19 AM

New Aussie guy
 
Hey there! Aussie guy, and I'm here because I'm in a great relationship with my gf of nearly four years and I'm also attracted to another girl at work. I don't want to do the whole sneaking around behind my gf's back because I love her and value our relationship way too much for that, and I also don't think that I should be forced to not explore a possible relationship with the other girl. But at the moment, it's just me and my gf.

FullofLove1052 02-27-2014 12:13 PM

Greetings and welcome. I've been living in Oz for a bit under a year.

Is your girlfriend okay with it? Does this other woman know about your feelings for her? Is she aware of you being polyamorous? I used to believe that you should not ignore feelings for other. As long as everyone is on board and willing, it usually works much more efficiently.

I do hope that you find the forum useful. There truly is a wealth of information from seasoned parties and older members. I hope all is well your way. xo

Ry

Tiberius 02-27-2014 12:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 (Post 260695)
Greetings and welcome. I've been living in Oz for a bit under a year.

Is your girlfriend okay with it? Does this other woman know about your feelings for her? Is she aware of you being polyamorous? I used to believe that you should not ignore feelings for other. As long as everyone is on board and willing, it usually works much more efficiently.

I do hope that you find the forum useful. There truly is a wealth of information from seasoned parties and older members. I hope all is well your way. xo

Ry

I've been telling my gf about the girl at work, and my gf knows I'm interested. Still sorting out the whole poly thing with my gf atm, but it's going pretty well. However, my relationship with the GaW is, at the moment, just friends. We've chatted at work mostly, but also got together after her shift one day for lunch and we had a pretty good time. All of this is with my gf's knowledge, of course. I'm completely honest and open with her.

As for the GaW, I'm not sure. I'm sure she knows I like her; I've given her some back rubs when she's had tight knots in her back muscles, but it was never anything really naughty (it's been in public, not private). She knows I have a gf, but I haven't told her that I'm poly. It's hard for me to judge how she'd respond. Sometimes I get the feeling that she'd be okay with it, but sometimes I get the feeling that she'd shy away from doing anything with me because I'm in a relationship.

Thanks for the well wishes.

kdt26417 02-27-2014 11:14 PM

Greetings Tiberius,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I guess with GaW you just open up a little at a time. At some point you'll want to say those two dreaded words, "I'm poly," to her, and add, "Is that alright?" If she says "what's poly" then you have an opening to carry that conversation further.

No need to hurry, take some time to see what Polyamory.com has to offer in the way of existing threads and any new threads stemming from your thoughts and/or questions. FullofLove is right, there's a lot of valuable wisdom here you can tap into.

Glad you could join us.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!

Tiberius 03-03-2014 08:43 AM

A bit more about me and the whole poly thing with my gf...

We've spoken about how it's going to work. I do believe that complete openness is absolutely vital, and I think everyone here will agree with me. We've developed a few rules. When it comes to emotional relationships, aka another girlfriend, then it's not something I'm going to go looking for. The way I see it, I don't really NEED to go and find an emotionally fulfilling relationship because I've got one with my gf, and this whole poly thing isn't an excuse for me to go and rack up as many points as I can. But, if I start getting feelings for someone, then I am able to pursue it. In other words, if it happens, then it happens, but I'm not going to go trying to make something happen. This is the situation I'm in with the girl at work. I'm getting feelings for her, and I want to see where it leads.

We've also got an agreement regarding casual sex. Namely, no emotional attachments. After all, it's just sex for the sake of sex, and (if you'll excuse me for being blunt about it), using another person as a sex toy, basically.

kdt26417 03-03-2014 09:17 PM

No falling in love except with your (primary) gf, if I understand right?

Should be fine, as long as all involved adults are consenting.

Tiberius 03-03-2014 09:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kdt26417 (Post 261082)
No falling in love except with your (primary) gf, if I understand right?

Should be fine, as long as all involved adults are consenting.

Not quite.

No going out and seeking a new romantic relationship. But if I do fall for someone, I can pursue it.

kdt26417 03-03-2014 09:34 PM

Ohhh ... sorry, my bad.

Okay that makes sense. Falling in love is something that happens, after all. Not like you can say, "No, heart, you're not allowed." ;)

Tiberius 03-03-2014 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kdt26417 (Post 261085)
Ohhh ... sorry, my bad.

Okay that makes sense. Falling in love is something that happens, after all. Not like you can say, "No, heart, you're not allowed." ;)

Exactly. Like I said, I'm not going out TRYING to make it happen. After all, I don't need to go and find an emotionally fulfilling relationship; I've already got one.

But if I start falling for someone, I'm not going to force myself away. That's just painful. I'm lucky my gf is understanding about that. She knows that, no matter how I feel about anyone else, I'll still be madly in love with her as well.

kdt26417 03-04-2014 08:37 PM

That sounds like a good deal to me. :)


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