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-   -   Adult Children, Advice Needed (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=68981)

Peoplelover 02-18-2014 08:25 PM

Adult Children, Advice Needed
I need to tell my 30 y/o daughter about being poly and I don't know the best way to do it. She's still adjusting to my divorcing her father 2 years ago and her own divorce, and the break-up of our family as her stepsister, who were raised with her, no longer speaks to me. We live in the mid-west and I'm moving to California with my partner and his two partners. We'll be living together. She is a sophisticated liberal person, but I am her mother, and mothers at 65 aren't supposed to do these things (this is the Mid-west, after all). I don't want to lie and it wouldn't work. She's very smart and I'm a bad liar. We've always been very close and had a loving relationship, but don't share information of a sexual nature, part of our boundaries rule. I don't want to lose that closeness. Help!

AlwaysGrowing 02-18-2014 08:32 PM

I don't see coming out about being involved with someone with other partners as telling your daughter anything truly sexual. Was telling her you were getting divorced telling her about your sex life? It's relationship stuff, not sex stuff.

As for how to do it... Does she know you've been dating this man? If so, just explain the situation. You two love each other, he's moving (or already lives there?), and you want to be closer to him. Just so she's aware, he also loves these two other people, as well, who you genuinely like and are going to live with. She should be happy as long as you're happy. It may be awkward, it may not be what she wants to hear, but she loves you and will hopefully accept it once everything has settled, and you're happy.

LovingRadiance 02-18-2014 08:44 PM

"Honey-I don't ever want to lose the closeness we share, and I think honesty and trust are critical components of that closeness. Could you please read this article on polyamory so we can discuss any questions you may have about the life changes I'm making?"

If you are already close-there shouldn't be too much difficulty in accepting change-sounds like a lot has happened.
But I find that when someone potentially surprising is coming up, it's sometimes nice for it to be in writing so that I can mull it over on my time and then come back to the table for discussion, when I'm ready. Opposed to feeling like I am "on the spot" with that surprise.

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