Polyamory.com Forum

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Peoplelover 02-15-2014 10:58 PM

Hello!
 
I'm so new to polyamory I'm not sure how to describe my family. I've lived for almost a year with the man I love and his female partner of 15 years, whom I also love as a person. There is another woman who lives elsewhere who's been involved with them for several years.
I was married previously for 30 years and always monogamous and heterosexual, so this is a brave new world for me. Intellectually, I embrace polyamory, if practiced as it's preached with love, respect, and absolute truth among members. As a mental health practitioner, my observation has been that many people in our culture suffer from loneliness and a sense of isolation/alienation, and polyamory seems an ideal model to create a sense of "tribe." It's more flexible than monogamy and can be adapted to fit peoples different needs and shifting circumstances. Emotionally, however, it's been a harder road for me to travel. I'm hoping this forum gives me a place to post questions and concerns, and hear other peoples ideas.

JaneQSmythe 02-16-2014 12:46 PM

Hello and welcome!

You actually probably have more in common with my boyfriend than myself - unfortunately he is not present on these forums.

Dude has lived with MrS and I for almost 3 years. MrS and I have been together for over 21 years total (married for almost 18). I'd say, for me, that it took probably 2 years for us to really adjust to the "new normal". We seem to have managed to skip over many of the "newly poly" issues that many polycules experience - which I attribute to the fact that the boys genuinely love each other (in a platonic, "hetero-life-mate", kind of way - they were best friends before poly came into play) and that none of us were truly monogamous in mindset to start with.

Quote:

I'm hoping this forum gives me a place to post questions and concerns, and hear other peoples ideas.
That is what forums are for!:D Read, share, learn and enjoy!

Peoplelover 02-16-2014 07:30 PM

Questions
 
Here's my "newbie" status showing: what are polycules? And what does it mean (another thread I read) when they talk about veto power? And what is the standard definition of poly-fidelitous? Also, my family is older, and I wonder what percentage of polys fall in what age brackets? Thanks for answering!

JaneQSmythe 02-16-2014 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Peoplelover (Post 259935)
Here's my "newbie" status showing: what are polycules? And what does it mean (another thread I read) when they talk about veto power? And what is the standard definition of poly-fidelitous? Also, my family is older, and I wonder what percentage of polys fall in what age brackets? Thanks for answering!

"Polycule" is not standard vocab so there is no reason you should know it. I use it to refer to my little network of poly partners and metamours since we don't have an easily defined structure and the diagram of our relationships looks like a molecule.

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/pictu...pictureid=2590

"Veto power" is where an existing couple agrees that they can shut down the other partner's other relationships if they are uncomfortable with them. If you do a search here for veto you will find a LOT of discussion on this topic. It is often seen as couple centric and unfair to any other partners.

"Polyfidelitous" is a poly relationship of however many people who have agreed to not add any OTHER people to the the relationship.

Age? We are all around 40, but I have seen posters of all ages here - you could post a poll if you are curious - but the posters here are only a small percentage of the poly population - so I don't know if it would be a true reflection.

kdt26417 02-18-2014 12:48 AM

Greetings Peoplelover,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Polyamory has lots of potential, but what a steep learning curve, eh? You deserve kudos for being willing to join up here and ask questions. I consider all polyamorists to be "poly newbies;" you never really "master the trade." (My philosophy on communication skills is similar but I promise not to hijack.)

JaneQ has gave excellent feedback and I probably don't need to add a lot at this time. Couple of things about semantics though ... [I know, collective eyeroll by everyone]
  • The word "polycule" seems to be gaining ground; I've seen it used on at least one other forum.
  • The word "polyfidelitous" has, I think, one alternative definition; that is: agreeing that new people can be added to the polycule, but that it's not a quick or easy process, and that unless/until they're added, no one within the polycule will be having sex with them.
  • More semantic info can be found in the glossary thread.
FWIW, my polycule is a hetero MFM poly-fi V ... and we're all in our 40's. But I agree with JaneQ, there's poly people of just about any (adult of course) age.

Glad to answer any additional questions you may have!
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

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