I'm so new to polyamory I'm not sure how to describe my family. I've lived for almost a year with the man I love and his female partner of 15 years, whom I also love as a person. There is another woman who lives elsewhere who's been involved with them for several years.
I was married previously for 30 years and always monogamous and heterosexual, so this is a brave new world for me. Intellectually, I embrace polyamory, if practiced as it's preached with love, respect, and absolute truth among members. As a mental health practitioner, my observation has been that many people in our culture suffer from loneliness and a sense of isolation/alienation, and polyamory seems an ideal model to create a sense of "tribe." It's more flexible than monogamy and can be adapted to fit peoples different needs and shifting circumstances. Emotionally, however, it's been a harder road for me to travel. I'm hoping this forum gives me a place to post questions and concerns, and hear other peoples ideas.
Hello and welcome!
You actually probably have more in common with my boyfriend than myself - unfortunately he is not present on these forums.
Dude has lived with MrS and I for almost 3 years. MrS and I have been together for over 21 years total (married for almost 18). I'd say, for me, that it took probably 2 years for us to really adjust to the "new normal". We seem to have managed to skip over many of the "newly poly" issues that many polycules experience - which I attribute to the fact that the boys genuinely love each other (in a platonic, "hetero-life-mate", kind of way - they were best friends before poly came into play) and that none of us were truly monogamous in mindset to start with.
Here's my "newbie" status showing: what are polycules? And what does it mean (another thread I read) when they talk about veto power? And what is the standard definition of poly-fidelitous? Also, my family is older, and I wonder what percentage of polys fall in what age brackets? Thanks for answering!
"Veto power" is where an existing couple agrees that they can shut down the other partner's other relationships if they are uncomfortable with them. If you do a search here for veto you will find a LOT of discussion on this topic. It is often seen as couple centric and unfair to any other partners.
"Polyfidelitous" is a poly relationship of however many people who have agreed to not add any OTHER people to the the relationship.
Age? We are all around 40, but I have seen posters of all ages here - you could post a poll if you are curious - but the posters here are only a small percentage of the poly population - so I don't know if it would be a true reflection.
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.
Polyamory has lots of potential, but what a steep learning curve, eh? You deserve kudos for being willing to join up here and ask questions. I consider all polyamorists to be "poly newbies;" you never really "master the trade." (My philosophy on communication skills is similar but I promise not to hijack.)
JaneQ has gave excellent feedback and I probably don't need to add a lot at this time. Couple of things about semantics though ... [I know, collective eyeroll by everyone]
Glad to answer any additional questions you may have!
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)
There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!
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