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-   -   Guidelines (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=68881)

Kimk010514 02-12-2014 03:16 AM

What r some guidelines that a married poly couple and their girlfriend can set so no one has to walk on egg shells or feel uncomfortable

kdt26417 02-12-2014 03:34 AM

Well ...

A few basics you could cover:
Thing is, I don't know that you're not already covering those basics. It's a little hard to serve up a one-size-fixes-all formula. Questions need to be asked, such as, What's making you/any of you feel uncomfortable? and, What's making you/any of you walk on eggshells?

It's really really important that everyone be 100% honest. The truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth. Not to say delivery style doesn't matter because it does. Be respectful. Be compassionate. Be a good listener. Never stop learning to communicate more and better.

And you know, you could do everything perfect and you'd still have some discomfort/eggshell walking. Some things only find their natural streambed to flow through after time, trial, and error have worked their magic.

If you could post more info about your sitch in this thread, I'd be more likely to be able to think of some effective advice. But maybe what's in this post is a start?

Kevin T.

RichardInTN 02-12-2014 03:37 AM

"Guidelines" can be as varied as there are different people in the world. What works great for one group may be too constricting for another group and too open for the next. The important thing for any group is to find what works for YOUR group. And it is VERY important that you (and your group) decide together.

There is no "global right or wrong" when it comes to how poly families arrange themselves and their rules.

nycindie 02-12-2014 03:51 AM

Depends on why someone is walking on egg shells or feeling uncomfortable. Every situation is unique.

Recommended reading (a short article):
How to Make It Work - Tools for Healthy Polyamorous Relationships

There are a few great threads here about how people developed their boundaries. Here's a long, but very good, one:
What are your poly relationship rules or boundaries?

GalaGirl 02-12-2014 06:21 AM

Guidelines to not feel? Not realistic or healthy to me.

Easier to set guidelines for how to talk, speak your truth, and work things out THROUGH the discomfort to me. IME, confidence is grown by doing, and once confident and not fearful the discomfort disappears.

For the jealousy could try this... Esp page 5 and 6



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