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-   -   I think I made a mistake (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=68808)

Kimk010514 02-08-2014 04:40 AM

I think I made a mistake
 
Ok here is a intro on my life I'm a single mother going thru a divorce and poly is very new to me but I have been interested in seeing what poly was and since Jan of this year I started to be the unicorn to a married couple they have been together for 11 yrs but been married almost 4 yrs... I feel like I'm coming in between their marriage but they say I ain't .. My gf I'll call her E and my bf and her husband I'll call him P.. E works first shift and P works third shift so the morning before P goes to bed I sit nod talk to him and at might while P is at work I spend time with E. E thinks that me and P spend more time together then her and P does but what she fails to realize me and P really dint spend that much time together.... Today me and P were talking and he told me that till we all get all the issues worked out between us that he was not going to have intercourse with either of us but ended up having sex with E, no I'm not mad or upset that they had sex I'm more upset that he lied to me, all he had to tell me was that he didn't want to have sex with me that he just wanted to have sex with E but no he lied to me and told me that he wasn't going to have sex with either of us yes I understand that's his wife but don't tell me one thing and do another maybe I'm wrong or maybe I ain't. When they fight they push me away when they both ignore me.... I just wish things could get better for us I love them and their kids dearly and they love me and my son dearly... Some advice would be apprecaited:confused:

civfan 02-08-2014 04:53 AM

This is a really good site to help you understand poly:

http://www.morethantwo.com/

All three of you need to understand that unicorns do NOT exist! Look it up on line at the Urban dictionary site as well as the term Metamour, it sounds like you are a secondary in a poly/mono relationship so read about it at more than two, so I hope this helps, good luck :)

Kimk010514 02-08-2014 04:56 AM

Idk what to do I love them both :confused:

civfan 02-08-2014 05:02 AM

Sounds like this is very hard for all three of you so maybe look at the fact that he had sex with E after he said NO MORE SEX as him being very confused and changing his mind rather to him lying to you, ploy relationship are extremely difficult for me at least so far so please at least try doing what I started doing today by doing a little reading up, bit by bit at more than two.

Kimk010514 02-08-2014 05:07 AM

I understand E is his wife but that don't mean that he had to tell me one thing and do another I'm going thru a divorce with a guy that cheated and lied to me from the time my son was 2 months old till he was 4 months old and finally came clean to me about everything a couple days ago so I'm going thru that it just sucks that I'm going thru this and dating a married couple

civfan 02-08-2014 05:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kimk010514 (Post 259103)
I understand E is his wife but that don't mean that he had to tell me one thing and do another I'm going thru a divorce with a guy that cheated and lied to me from the time my son was 2 months old till he was 4 months old and finally came clean to me about everything a couple days ago so I'm going thru that it just sucks that I'm going thru this and dating a married couple

People say thing and do another a lot including us, part of being poly is being open and communicating.

Emm 02-08-2014 06:20 AM

You can't control how your BF acts, but you can control how you react to his actions. Does he understand how much it means to you that he not sleep with his wife once he's told you he's not going to? He may not realise you see it as a big deal, and if you don't tell him he won't know.

If he does know how you feel about it and did it anyway, you need to ask yourself if you really want to be involved with someone who cares so little for your well-being. This is where your control of your reactions comes in. You can choose to put up with it - which means you're teaching him it's ok, or you can choose to do something about it - which shows him it's not ok.

"Something" may be anything from talking to him about the issue all the way up to removing yourself from a situation you no longer find to be joyful and/or safe.

Kimk010514 02-08-2014 01:12 PM

But there is a catch I'm not from Indiana and that's where they r from I moved 8 hours away from my family and friends to be with them And I know I. Didn't do it to walk away from. It without trying to fix our problems but I just don't know if I. Should have the feeling I do or should I? I know I'm just the girlfriend in this relationship and yes I understand they have more so I shouldn't get upset or what not about anything that happens between them may I'm over reacting

Natja 02-08-2014 05:24 PM

You can't stay in a relationship which leaves you as an optional extra just because it was a hassle to move. I moved 24 hours away from my home...seriously. I still moved back to where I was happy, feeling in love is temporary, relationship satisfaction relies on so much more.

Have some self respect and not allow yourself to be their toy.

Kimk010514 02-08-2014 06:24 PM

Yeah I would move back in a heart beat but I don't want to go back to michigan my husband soon to be ex husband lives there plus I want to start a new life for me and my son ... I'm willing to do anything to fix your problems we have and if it takes us not talking or fighting till we all can sit down and talk to one ech other without yelling or getting mad about what is Said then I guess that's why I have I have to do.. We both have children involved in our relationship and I not going to put their kids threw the heartache again that they just went thru before I came along


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