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-   -   Are we doomed? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=68799)

civfan 02-07-2014 06:59 PM

Are we doomed?
Hello, I am very much in love with my gf who has a gf but when we all first met we would jump into bed together but as of now that will never happen again, do you think we have any chance of living the rest of our lives as poly?

Natja 02-07-2014 07:08 PM

Does it bother any of you that it will never happen again?

If not, than there is no reason why you shouldn't be able to have a happy, healthy Poly relationship, Poly doesn't equal having to sleep together all the time.

civfan 02-07-2014 07:18 PM

It bothers me a lot and I'm not sure if it bothers them at all the thing is my gf gets jealous if I touch her gf and her gf has a husband in prison who gets out in the Summer so she doesn't want 3sum but twice a month the three of us end up spending the night in a 2 bedroom house and that needs to be figured out please :)

Natja 02-07-2014 07:24 PM

Well if she doesn't want to sleep with you and they are not bothered, than...get over it.

If you have two bedrooms can't they sleep in the spare (I am assuming there is a spare and that is why you mentioned it)? The only person who can scupper this relationship is you (and maybe the boyfriend when he gets out of prison).

civfan 02-07-2014 07:32 PM

I know I need to get over it but it is not easy! They do sleep in the other room which is good but I need to work on my jealousy, I know it sounds crazy and I'm sure I am ;) but its seems almost like 3sum was a woman who left me and I feel heartbroken, also my gf has DEMANDED that I find second gf but I know she'd get super jealous if she found out I did, so am I doomed?

Natja 02-07-2014 07:46 PM

First of all that demand is just stupid, where are you going to pick up a girlfriend from? The girlfriend Market?

This could have all been prevented by your metamour having firm boundaries in the first place, pity she did not think of her boyfriend before sleeping with you! Does he even know about it or was she cheating on him?

Either way, getting a girlfriend on your own might help distract you from your jealousy, but that is just a deflection, you really need to work on this yourself, realise that you don't own your girlfriend and decide whether you can live with a poly person or whether you would prefer a monogamous relationship with someone else.

Either way, this is about you, not them ok?


civfan 02-07-2014 07:49 PM

Thanks for helping, the thing is that my gf met her Girl Friend 4 months before she met me and now here we are a yr and a half later, I just started a new topic about it so hope to see you there! Hugs

kdt26417 02-07-2014 09:14 PM

Greetings civfan,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I read your other thread, it sounds like you got the input/advice you needed there, but ping me on this thread if there's some more stuff on that thread that you'd like my input on.

Sounds like the biggest fly in the ointment is jealousy. In case it might help, here are some links on the subject:

Let us discuss the greeneye monster shall we?
How to slay the greeneyed beastie.

Jealousy, Envy, Insecurity, Etc.
How do you achieve compersion?

The Theory of Jealousy Management
The Practice of Jealousy Management

Jealousy and the Poly Family
Kathy Labriola: Unmasking the Green-Eyed Monster
Brené Brown: the Power of Vulnerability

Work on all that for a spell, and then see if maybe some of those pesky details might fall into place.

As for getting a girlfriend, that's all well and good -- but not something I'd force or rush. What sort of girlfriend would this be by the way, a very intimate partner with lots of emotional commitment or more just a FWB?

Just curious,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)


There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

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Welcome aboard!

civfan 02-07-2014 09:33 PM

Thanks for the very good reply Kevin, it will take me a while to go through all the great links, as far as what kind of gf I should find, I'm not sure but I would like to have sex way more often than 3 times a month, do you have any advice on this Kevin?

Natja 02-07-2014 10:11 PM


Originally Posted by civfan (Post 259053)
Thanks for the very good reply Kevin, it will take me a while to go through all the great links, as far as what kind of gf I should find, I'm not sure but I would like to have sex way more often than 3 times a month, do you have any advice on this Kevin?

Some pointers might be:

1) Meet women with a high libido
2) Don't date women with a low libido.

Not sure how Kevin is supposed to help you! :p

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