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-   -   Dating married poly couple (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=68637)

Kimk010514 01-29-2014 03:43 AM

Dating married poly couple
 
I'm making this thread to see has anyone dealt with married couple that is poly I'm currently dating a married poly couple and we have some issues in our relationship.. The married couple both work but different shifts the wife works days and the husband works midnight so I'm stuck in the middle I spend more time with the husband then. His wife does and that is putting a damper on thing and the wife is more into her phone then into me or her husband so if anyone has any advice please feel free to respond:(

Inyourendo 01-29-2014 04:10 AM

So what's the problem? Is the wife acting out because you get more time with the husband?

Kimk010514 01-29-2014 04:17 AM

Yeah she does act out that i spend more time with with her husband then she does.. Just like I told her husband it ain't my fault that she does not go in the room and wake up her husband when she gets home from work.... I just want us all to be on the same page in our relationship i don't know what the different letters mean just yet so if I could explain

PolyinPractice 01-29-2014 04:30 AM

Remind him and her that each dyad in the polyship is separate; that is, each relationship between two people (you and him, him and her, him and you, her and you) is unique. If the relationship between him and her is suffering, that should not be confused with the relationship between you and him.

Or you can find a couple with less insecurity and drama. If you love him, though, and he loves you...well, pick your battles ;)

Kimk010514 01-29-2014 04:35 AM

What does so letters mean like JFK mff and so on

FarAwayLover 01-29-2014 08:49 AM

Glossary
 
Hi Kim,

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kimk010514 (Post 258283)
What does so letters mean like JFK mff and so on

There's a Glossary with definitions here: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1720

I'm new enough that I'm not going to try and define anything - I'll probably mess it up!

Welcome aboard!

FAL

--------------------------------

M - Me female, 59 - _trying_ to figure out if I'm poly
B - 56 - my husband for over 34 years
JP - 58 - my high school boyfriend, newly appeared in the picture after 38 years; very long distance; haven't actually seen him
A - 65? - JP's wife of over 30 years, who's not cool with things

monkeystyle 01-29-2014 07:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PolyinPractice (Post 258282)
If the relationship between him and her is suffering, that should not be confused with the relationship between you and him.)

Easier said than done, people tend to get incredibly stupid when one half of their relationship is in trouble. Projecting, transferring, cowboying, ignoring, etc. But it's a nice thought, even if in practice it's not generally fact.

Kimk010514 01-29-2014 09:39 PM

I feel like their relationship is in trouble since I have been in the picture but I have asked over and over again and they both said their marriage is not in trouble

monkeystyle 01-30-2014 02:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kimk010514 (Post 258367)
I feel like their relationship is in trouble since I have been in the picture but I have asked over and over again and they both said their marriage is not in trouble

It's called lying, wish fulfillment, denial or evasion. Lots of couples play pretend until it's too late to salvage anything. Sometimes fighting is warranted over real issues that were simmering long before you showed up (but unfortunately were sparked by the change you represent). Sometimes one of them turns into an idiot when they're feeling gushy over someone new. And sometimes the other spouse gradually builds resentment until they become unbearable. Anyway, plenty of threads on here are chock full of couple implosions sparked by a new person. Doesn't mean that'll happen to them, doesn't mean it won't.

But your gut instincts and feelings should be listened to.

Kimk010514 01-30-2014 03:43 AM

I care about them dearly and love them to death I would do anything for them I honestly don't think their Marriage is going to end ... My biggest thing is that I moved from Michigan to Indiana to be with them. Don't get me wrong the wife gets an attitude over the smallest thing and that just makes her husband seems like he is snapping at her and he ain't.. The husband works from 11 at night till 7:30 in the morning and the wife works anywhere from 7 in the morning till about 3-5 o'clock in the evening so by the time the wife gets home the husbands is sleeping... And she says she don't get upset or jealous that me and the husband spend more time together and have more sex then they do


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