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-   -   Extremely confused (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=68550)

jeb 01-22-2014 12:13 PM

Extremely confused
 

Ok my name is Jacqueline. I am a 23 year old female. I was raised a catholic, i've always been more spiritual then religious though. Anyway I started talking to a guy one night and needless to say we got along and were compatible, Everything was going great, we met and he seemed chill. We ended up getting intimate and afterwards he told me that he had a wife. He also informed me that she knew about me and wanted to meet. I met her and she was amazing and gorgeous and not at all what i expected. I am open to a poly amorous relationship i just don't exactly know what the next step is. I am just looking for other people to talk to who have been in this lifestyle and could just maybe be here to talk to.

Thank You

london 01-22-2014 01:07 PM

He told you he was married after you were intimate...

jeb 01-22-2014 01:32 PM

Yes it was after we had been intimate.

Nadya 01-22-2014 01:52 PM

Hi and welcome to the forum!

So you are in a poly situation and got into it without the full knowledge... Not the best way to start, but this does not sound disastrous. He did tell you about his marriage in the early stages of the relationship. There is no consensus here on this forum about when you should come out as poly (and having other relationships), but I guess most people would agree with me that a marriage is something that would be best to be out in the open before any intimate contact happened.

Anyway, your situation is what it is. You seem to like him and be okay with his wife... good.

My advice for "the next step" would be for you to gather more information about polyamory. Then you should think about what it is that you want of this relationship. And then... communicate, communicate, communicate. Find out about his views of polyamory, about the rules and boundaries they have in their marriage etc. See if his views (and their views as a couple) are compatible with yours.

I can see why you are confused, and the whole poly process might be even more confusing. So do a lot of reading on this forum and elsewhere about poly, and feel free to post your thoughts and concerns!

Inyourendo 01-22-2014 01:53 PM

Telling you after the fact is incredibly dishonest. I wouldn't enter into a relationship with this guy personally. Not everyone is ok having sex with married people. Geez

jeb 01-22-2014 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Inyourendo (Post 257884)
Telling you after the fact is incredibly dishonest. I wouldn't enter into a relationship with this guy personally. Not everyone is ok having sex with married people. Geez

I agree with you, however i do genuinely want a relationship with him. A little ( A LOT) confused about how i approach the subject about his wife. Honestly I'm confused about pretty much the entire situation, and apparently i'm a unicorn( why am i a mythical horse creature exactly i don't know). But he did come out and tell me and i think that should show something. maybe?

Nadya 01-22-2014 02:06 PM

So who says you are a unicorn? He does? A unicorn is a term for a "hot-bi-babe" that an established couple wants to have as a "shared girlfriend". The mythical term indicates that this kind of wish is very unrealistic - they want a mythical creature that fulfills all their dreams and no real human being is like that. So are you expected to be intimate with his wife, too?

jeb 01-22-2014 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nadya (Post 257887)
So who says you are a unicorn? He does? A unicorn is a term for a "hot-bi-babe" that an established couple wants to have as a "shared girlfriend". The mythical term indicates that this kind of wish is very unrealistic - they want a mythical creature that fulfills all their dreams and no real human being is like that. So are you expected to be intimate with his wife, too?

Apparently!?!?!?!

Nadya 01-22-2014 02:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jeb (Post 257888)
Apparently!?!?!?!

If that is the case, then I revoke my advice above and give another type of advice: RUN!! Forget about them altogether, THAT is the worst possible way to try and find a unicorn... I thought earlier, that you'd be his girlfriend...

Still, if you are interested about polyamory, it is a good idea to read more. Do a tag search 'unicorn' and you'll find interesting information.

jeb 01-22-2014 02:49 PM

i think i'm going to take your advice. I am still interested so a pro from this is i got introduced to this lifestyle. I just think that this situation is getting to weird too quick. i will definitely do a tag search though.


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