Polyamory.com Forum

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-   -   Hello! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=68519)

starlight1 01-19-2014 07:25 PM

Hello everyone,
I started my journey into learning about polyamory through friends but not being sexually intimate with more than one person many many years ago, and now I am joining local support groups about poly, and trying to get more involved in the community. :)
I tried out online poly groups, and intermingling with them, and found out that people are real or as false online as inreallife, poly or monogamous. So instead, I stayed single for few years debating what I wanted to do next. I decided to try dating women first, as I am also bi, but found that although I could find people interested in their idea of poly, I didnt find a partner willing to allow me to love more than one person, so I went from one single fling to another, and a brief m m f triangle in real life where the men both said it was ok for me to date other men, and be with other men, but actually ended up not being very healthy as they were both actually monogamous themselves.
Now I am currently exclusive with a man who knows I'd like to have a female sexual relationship, but he doesnt yet understand that I'd like to be emotionally intimate with a woman the same way I am with him, and he views himself as monogamous. So since this relationship is going well, and the best relationship i've been in to date, I've decided to just keep it to a discussion level with him. :-) Especially since I don;t really know where I stand on the poly continuum. Anyways, i am an artist and single mother going to school, so i have my hands full with that right no anyway, and my life is peaceful and happy, and although i'd like a second boyfriend or girlfriend, i dont know how realistic it is for me in long term goals with everything else i'm juggling! But I have in the past successfully loved my ex-husband and a girl from my youth, although the one stayed platonic for respect of her wishes, she knew how i felt, but it juts never developed anywhere. Now she is happily married, and I have moved on, so as it goes...:) I had some random weird posts on here in the past, but most of that was online distant dating and I prefer the real world interactions now-a-days. And my life was a heck of a lot more complicated back then, there was a lot of internal confusion going on. Now I am just me, and pretty sure of what I want, just not really sure how it will turn out, how i'll achieve it. I had the opportunity this weekend coming up to go with my boyfriend and meet with a woman and have sex with her all together, but I dont want a threesome I want polyamory and I dont think he understands that yet, and so we need more discussion still at a later date face to face. :)

So I plan on being pretty active here now as it's a safe haven until I feel comfortable moving into the real world poly scene.

kdt26417 01-20-2014 10:18 PM

Greetings starlight1,

I see that you pre-date me having joined the site a few years earlier than myself, so I'll not try to be an "official greeter" so much as an "official reiterator." :)

It sounds like you are working out a new poly chapter in your life, and in the process of explaining to your current partner what polyamory means to you and what you are looking for. I think you'll be able to get things figured out with him a little bit at a time.

I'm usually good about following up on Intro Board posts, so if you post on this thread you can always expect to hear back from me (probably others too). Also you can get good feedback when posting on just about any board, so whatever thoughts/questions/concerns arise, don't hesitate to field them.

A couple of links to keep handy (though you're probably already familiar with them):
And there's many others. Just let me know what would help!

Glad to meet you here,
Kevin T.

starlight1 01-20-2014 10:42 PM

Why thank you!
Thank you for the welcome. Yes I'm not sure If I posted to this forum or not back in the day, but it was so long ago I thought a new hello would be alright.

Thank you for all the information too- the links to the master thread are particularly interesting, as I never read that one! I didn't delve in here a lot before as I previously felt so much guilt surrounding my bi-poly nature I didn't freely exspress myself this way. Much soul searching has happened since then!

I notice in your profile you are ex-mormon as well, I suspect mormon debates and conversations are in the future? :) How is the Poly-fi V going? I'd not mind being in a V myself, but I am not too bothered either way, as I am happy with what I do have so far! :)

I love seattle washington, I lived there for quite a few years, went to Uni out that way...:) Very forward thinking city!

I am not sure what help I would need other than, well the whole point of this venture for me to open and broaden my social circles both online and the real world. And although my real life is filled with a lot of lovely amazing people, I have yet to include poly people into this mix. I'm working on that! It's finding you all first?!?! lol.

I would be greatly honored to add you to my friends list and maybe discuss all things poly?

Anyways, thanks again for the welcome and I will keep you all informed how the dating scene goes with the one I am with right now. :)

Nicole aka starlight1

kdt26417 01-20-2014 11:07 PM

Hey Nicole,

Glad to initiate a friendship with you, and we can talk about just about anything you'd like to talk about. If it doesn't happen to be poly-related per se (e.g., conversations about Mormonism which I'd be more than willing to be a part of), just post it on the Fireplace board and let me know that you did.

I see you are reaching out and looking for new poly peeps to include in your life. Here's some foods for thought. :)
... and, googling "polyamory" with the name of your State/nearest major city, will often yield some poly groups in your area.

And ...


"As for where to meet poly people, if by some chance you are interested in anything alternative like Renaissance fairs, goth culture, sci-fi conventions, indie music, bdsm, or any small fringe group, you will be more likely to meet people who have at least heard of poly and are accepting of it."
-- SpaceHippieGeek, http://polyamoryonline.org/smf/index...57394#msg57394
And ...

Even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, then they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.


Love Seattle. Glad to be here. Just moved here, early December last year. Have some great friends/relatives that live here.


"How is the Poly-fi V going?"
Heh, in a word great; you can read all about it in my Poly-fi V blog. ;)

Anywayz, glad to be aboard with you and look forward to future convos.
Kevin T.

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