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Candide 01-19-2014 12:24 AM

I don't even really know where to begin this post.

I guess I should say hello I hope this finds everyone in good spirits.

I have someone in my life whom I love very much that has asked me to draw my own conclusions about a poly fidelity relationship.

If it were anyone else I would have probably told her to pound and, but this is a person who I truly believe has shared a part of my soul with her.

Given my past though I find it difficult to open up my heart to others, so I am questioning my ability to open up to more than just her.

I hope this made some sort of sense.

Ciao for now.

kdt26417 01-19-2014 06:13 PM

Greetings Candide,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Don't worry too much about fitting yourself to an exact poly model; polyamory (and polyfidelity) comes in many shapes and sizes. Just give yourself some time for now to learn all about poly, and ponder what you think of it.

We have lots of experienced folks here, so tap into the site's collective wisdom and see what kind of questions you may want to ask. Check out the various threads and boards and see what calls to you.

Perhaps you will just be with this lady and she will have an additional partner? I guess it depends on what she has in mind, but reality has a way of defying expectations when it plays out.

I hope Polyamory.com will help you decide how you'll want to proceed.

Kevin T., "official greeter" :)


There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!

Candide 01-20-2014 04:24 AM

I mean part of me wonders if you see how people treat relationships. Are humans really supposed to be monogomous, or is monogomy just a construct of religion as a way of supressing the masses. If you see how many people get married, divorced, and remarried multiple times you have to wonder if we are truly made for one man one woman relationships.

The only reason I am looking into the polyfidelity model is because it was recently presented to me from a friend, ex gf, and someone with whom I share a deep and very strong connection to. Now while she isn't exactly expressly asking me to join her family, she has suggested I would be a good fit for the poly family she is trying to put together.

While I have previously never before thought about a Poly relationship my interest is peaked.

This will be a journey of self discovery, and may open up a world to a whole new evolution of myself.

Another thing about me. While I have not had an experiance with another male I do have tendancies to have fantasies that involve men. Although it is strange in my latest fantasies it has been all about me pleasing others, and never really got around to thinking about the gratification of myself.

Magdlyn 01-20-2014 01:41 PM

You are wondering whether you should have sex with your ex's bf? You're poly curious and bi curious? Have you met him? Do you feel attracted to HIM? You're far from the place where you want to declare yourself fidelitous to your ex gf AND her current bf. Do you even want to take up with an ex again? There must be reasons she is your EX.

Candide 01-20-2014 03:58 PM

Definitally a lot of fat to chew on. I know. It seems like a tall order someone who is uninitiated jumping into this kind of a lifestyle.

Yes the reason she is my ex is because I was a moron. I disrespected her in a moment of her vulnerability. When she broke up with me it was more painful than my divorce. I have said that since we had broken up there is a hole in my soul that shares the same shape as my ex. The fact this door is opening up to me has given me a pretty crazy mix of emotions to be honest.

From what she has said the ultimate goal would be a 2M 2F relationship where everyone is involved with everyone else.

Now the bi thing let us just say I have been able to develop attraction to people that I was not initially attracted to. It take time, but it has been known to happen. It just takes me being able to get to know them and seeing what is in their heart. If that makes any sense.

This weekend I am going to visit them all. It is going to be an interesting birthday. Good thing I will have plenty of rum and homebrewed Beer and Mead with me.

As with any relationship it is going to take a lot of communication.

Magdlyn 01-20-2014 04:13 PM

Alcohol abuse is not recommended in a case like this. Clear heads is what is needed. You might have sex with both of them and then regret it the next day. Or get all juiced up and belligerent?

kdt26417 01-20-2014 09:06 PM

Re (from Candide):

"Are humans really supposed to be monogomous, or is monogomy just a construct of religion as a way of supressing the masses? If you see how many people get married, divorced, and remarried multiple times you have to wonder if we are truly made for one-man one-woman relationships."
Given the above train of thought, I'd highly recommend the following book:

"Sex at Dawn: how we mate, why we stray, and what it means for modern relationships," by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá.

To put it succinctly, everyone doesn't *have* to be monogamous. Polyamory (and polyfidelity) does happen successfully in numerous people's lives.

I would just do as much reading (posting thoughts and questions along the way) on Polyamory.com as possible. In particular I think a search (and/or tag search) for "polyfidelity" might be in order.

I hope your upcoming visit with the ex and her boyfriend goes well.
Kevin T.

Candide 01-20-2014 11:04 PM

It is actually her husband.

It will be an interesting Birthday, but should be fun regardless.

This weekend though I am pretty sure the only sex will will be having will be most likely with Pamela Handerson, or Rosy Palm and their friends.

It is interesting because the first time I engaged in sexual activity with this woman was the morning after being drunk. I remember having a party at my place, and we were all drunk. So drunk that the idea of going down to the beach without securing the food first sounded like a good idea. Freaking racoons ate my steak that I had smoking all day.

Even though I was drunk I still had the presence of mind to know that she wouldn't have wanted it to happen like that, so I let her sleep in my bed while I slept on either my floor or my couch I don't remember that much. I think someone else was crashing on my couch. A rule of my parties if you drunk you stay.

kdt26417 01-20-2014 11:15 PM

That works.

So, who's the birthday person? :)

Candide 01-20-2014 11:21 PM


Originally Posted by kdt26417 (Post 257783)
That works.

So, who's the birthday person? :)

Pokes both thumbs and Grins... This guy lol

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