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-   -   Coming out of the poly closet (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=68464)

Therockylane 01-13-2014 08:44 AM

Coming out of the poly closet
I tried posting a rather long explanation and was logged off. I will keep it short. I have been researching on morethantwo.com and few other links and now I am convinced after 10 years of denying it that I am poly. I believe what is happening with me is that I am a very easy "couple's chew toy" and I fill a very interesting void in most monogomous and emotionally fragile heterosexual relationships. I am a masculine identified lesbian this means I hang out great with the guys and have amazing sex with women....and most non-poly people have a love hate relationship with my kind. I am not a cheater so much as I am very honest about feelings as they arise and my curiosity about polyamory and that usually stalls or kills relationships. I am currently single and fighting with my roommates who couldn't even date each other without letting the jealousy and rage evaporate who they both are are beautiful people. It makes me sad, seeing people break up simply because the want to be EVERYTHING another person needs and when it comes down to it sometimes you're either; not that fun, bad in the sack, or unappreciative. I seem to be the only person in the world right now that thinks that hiding our true emotions and sensations, creating open and honest communication about boundaries and expectations, and finding a solution to the run of the mill dating until you settle scene is insanity. I am not "new" to the concept of polyamory, I am definitely poly, I just haven't found my fit. I am a full blown lesbian that is seriously just one of the guys, I can sustain relationships for a very long time (7 years and 2 partially open but unsuccessful open relationships). I place the blame on myself, I am very open to creating a living situation in my home that will both fulfill my need to feel love and affection in any form from those that are living with me. Everytime I mention this type of thing to people in public they say the DUMBEST things and I just need someone to help me get my mind and words straight to at least start the conversation with people about what I am looking for and how to purpose an agreement. minimum. I have a roomie she is straight (ish) I am thinking moving in another female and then each of us becoming each other's secondary while searching for a primary. The people that are brought in must follow the house poly rules? I think it may work best. Any thoughts?

Emm 01-14-2014 07:37 AM

The latter part of your post sounds like you're interested in casting parts rather than building relationships. Why not find people you like and get to know them in whatever capacity seems natural rather than building a structure and looking for people to slot into it?

kdt26417 01-14-2014 07:02 PM

Greetings Therockylane,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

You mentioned getting timed out the first time you tried to post ... so, trick of the trade: Whenever I log in, there's always a box that says, "Remember Me?" I always click on that box so it's checked. Then I never have to worry about getting timed out in the middle of a post.

Other safeguards: I almost always compose my posts as text files first (using Notepad -- but Word or whatever would work fine too), then copy/paste them and submit. If I do get timed out, the text I composed will still be available for me to re-use. And I don't know if maybe sometimes, you can use your browser's back arrow to get to the text you were working on. Oh and copying to the clipboard (Ctrl+A then Ctrl+C) also helps safeguard against losing a post you were working on.

As for your situation and plans for the future, I think Emm pretty much has it right when she says don't try too hard to figure out what configuration would work best for you, just let relationships form in your life in a natural way and embrace whatever configuration comes to life. It's important for everyone to agree to the same set of rules though, and I don't know what your specific set of house poly rules consists of.

In any case, you have found a place that offers lots of poly experience for you, and can address many of your questions and concerns. I hope that you'll enjoy your stay amongst us.

Kevin T., "official greeter" :)


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