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-   -   Guten Tag All, my name is Justiss ^__^ (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=68173)

Justiss 12-27-2013 05:21 AM

Guten Tag All, my name is Justiss ^__^
I am in mid twenties, and currently seeking advice in the world of non-monogamy. I am pretty new to this "scene", and I am in some peculiar situations, and to put it mildly I NEED HELP!

I am an artist. I work as an entertainment designer. My relationship situation is very complicated, as I think I attracted a married couple with their own sexual interests in me, and they are remaining faithful to the others needs in order to get what they want later (from me) without the attendance of their partner. Not sure if I worded that right, but so far in being involved with the both of them I feel more like a sex kitten used for entertainment than someone they view as a person. They have agendas and rules and guidelines with what they can do to me, and they are trying to live them all out, but I feel, and it is pretty obvious, that my needs aren't an interest or even a topic for them. Only recently, after I told the both of them to fcuk off, did the wife finally speak to me of what I like sexually, but again it was only about sex. I came here to learn all about this kind of situation, because I don't think what I am going through is normal or even fair. Currently we are all remaining friends, and for what reason I don't know. Maybe they do value me as a person, and I made it convenient for them to explore their sexualities, but I can't say for sure I know what the hell is actually going on. We are supposed to see each other on new years where I plan to be blatant in my feeling on the matter.

If this is all wrong as far as introduction, my bad, lol. I'm not sure what to say really, but I do hope to get some helpful advice, as I said. I look forward to strengthening my comprehension of all of this.

kdt26417 12-27-2013 06:06 AM

Greetings Justiss,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Alas, your situation is "normal" enough. Reminds me of two particular links:

So, somebody called you a Unicorn Hunter? (this would apply to them, not you)
A Proposed Secondary's Bill of Rights (this would apply to you)

In addition, you can search (tag search better yet) on this site for "unicorn" (or "couple privelage") and find quite a few threads that attest to this foolish and/or unethical practice of "putting the couple first" and making of the "hot bi babe" an object or accessory. It's arguably the biggest thorn polyamory has in its side, an embarrassment to those who are trying to put polyamory into fair and equitable practice.

I would keep this particular couple of yours at arm's length until they've read the two articles linked to above, and had a good long talk with you that addresses both your emotional needs and your value and rank as a person. You certainly aren't obligated to just bend to their wishes.

I'm usually pretty good about keeping up on the intro board, so anything you post in this thread will for sure get a response by me. But you can post on other boards too, with any number of thoughts, questions, and concerns as appropriate, and probably get several or many responses. Have a look around and see which threads particularly interest you.

I hope you'll be able to work things out with this couple in a way that's fair and equitable to both them and you. Hopefully they'll realize the importance of that. They need to put themselves in your shoes, while realizing that sex alone isn't what you're all about.

With sympathetic regards,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)


There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!

Justiss 01-02-2014 08:39 PM


Sorry for the delay, and thank you so much for the information. It was a lot to take in but it helped me immensely. I figured out what I had done wrong and I know what I need to do to fix this. I just saw the both of them for new years, and they made it more clear what they want and expect from me (only it wasn't from them telling me, it was more like their actions). They aren't sincere people, and I am positive that leaving would be the best thing for me.

Again, thank you so much.

kdt26417 01-03-2014 10:52 PM

Glad to help. Sorry to hear that a break-up is imminent, but, sometimes it's for the best.


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