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QueenTonberry 12-14-2013 05:12 AM

Well hello there!
Hello everyone I am new both to the boards and to poly. I am 26 and would like to be called Queen or Ton, I have been with my 'husband' ( aka J ) for 10 years and we have recently opened up to being poly! I have a boyfriend ( C if you will) who considers himself mono and is long distance. We have only been dating for a month but it feels like much longer as we have talked for a while before I asked him out. My husband and I are currently looking for our unicorn and are not having much luck :( however I am very excited and happy at being new to poly!

nycindie 12-14-2013 05:33 AM

Hi and welcome. It's so funny that your username is QueenTonberry - we have a member here who goes by Tonberry. I always thought it was an unusual username, but now you have me wondering if there actually is a thing called a tonberry - off to google that I go!

Regarding your statement about looking for a unicorn - there is a reason that the term is used in poly circles. It means that what you seek is actually impossible and unrealistic, so you might want to rethink that approach. If you do a search of the forum (click on the Search link at top - used Advanced Search or Tag Search for better results), you will find many heated discussions about "unicorn hunters." Basically, you don't want to be called that - and some of the discussions you find might really turn you off to this forum but be aware that it isn't just at this site that people use it in a derogatory sense. Most online poly forums I've visited tend to be critical of unicorn hunters - so it's probably best to start educating yourselves about that right away.

Read around and ask questions!

kdt26417 12-14-2013 05:45 AM

Greetings QueenTonberry,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Re: unicorn hunting ... to be on the safe side, check out this article: http://davidlnoble.com/so-somebody-c...nicorn-hunter/

So what is a tonberry anyway? (Too lazy for Google or even Wikipedia at the moment, ;))

Hope you enjoy our site and that you find the answers you need here. See the Golden Nuggets link below for some very helpful thoughts and counsel for anyone new to poly. And if you ping me here on this thread, I'll be sure to notice and respond.

Keep us posted and I wish you the best with C, etc.

Kevin T., "official greeter" :)


There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!

QueenTonberry 12-14-2013 06:01 AM

A Tonberry is a creature from a game series that we play called final fantasy! Perhaps unicorn is not the right term? We are looking for a girlfriend for the both of us! I was actually about to post in the relationship board about how at first that is what I wanted but now I think I'm happy with just J and C and perhaps J should find a girl for himself but he has said many times that he wishes for us to both be with her and not someone just for himself.

kdt26417 12-14-2013 06:08 AM

Can't think of any reason to object to that per se. You can work out the details as you go along. Just let us know if you have any questions.

And thanks for the info, :)
Kevin T.

nycindie 12-14-2013 06:28 AM


Originally Posted by QueenTonberry (Post 254223)
. . . at first that is what I wanted but now I think I'm happy with just J and C and perhaps J should find a girl for himself but he has said many times that he wishes for us to both be with her and not someone just for himself.

We see quite a few spouses who suggest that out of feeling guilty, like they shouldn't go beyond the bonds of their marriage without also involving their partner, just to be fair. It isn't logical, actually. And it's always better if relationships happen organically on their own, anyway, without some pre-conceived requirements placed on them.

Are you even bi? I ask because what's perplexing is that often times a man will suggest that his wife share a girlfriend with him, and she'll go along with it even though she's straight, just out of guilt. Or if he won't "let her" be with another man. But whether you're straight or bi, you don't have the 2nd problem - you've also got a BF, and I assume your hubs is okay with that! I say, if you're happy with the way things are, why keeping looking for more? Usually the best things come to us when we're NOT looking!

It is often more difficult for the male in a poly-practicing couple to find a GF, never mind one that wants and clicks with him AND his wife, too. So, if he dates independently, he'll have better chances that way.

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