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-   -   I'd like to introduce myself... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=67361)

RichardInTN 12-13-2013 12:07 AM

I'd like to introduce myself...
 
Greetings!

I come in peace!

I am a stranger among you!


(o.k. got the corny "what do I open with" question out of the way...)

I've believed in polyamory since I was about 5, even though I didn't realize it at the time. It's only in reflecting back that I realize I picked up on the secret way back then, when I realized that more children didn't mean the parents loved each one any less... so why did it have to be different with adults why couldn't they love more than one?

Problem is while I know poly and understand poly and know that I myself am "poly-capable", I've never been in a poly relationship.

I'm currently married, but that marriage was entered into under a few false pretenses by my wife. When we met, I let her know that I didn't want to be exclusive and that if either one of us met another that we wanted to include, that that's how the relationship had to be. She agreed to that and seemed to be happy with it being that way. prior to us actually "tying the knot and making it official" we never came across anyone that we wanted to include (my part in not doing so was probably due to a weird work schedule that didn't allow much free time, at the time, I can only speculate about why she didn't find anyone... but my speculation would be just that, speculation). So, we went forward with the wedding and immediately after the wedding she wanted to talk with me and she basically told me that there were going to be some relationship changes... one of which was Poly was off the table. Apparently she was always monogamous and just accepted our pre-wedding "relationship conditions" as necessary to "land me" (not that I'm saying I'm THAT great of a catch... lol).

I do love her and only want her to be happy, so, I haven't pursued anything, and won't... unless she changes her mind (not likely) or we are no longer together (either through divorce or, heaven forbid, if something happens to her). Being 100% honest means no lying and no cheating.

So... all that said, I'll probably mostly lurk, but I may post a bit if I think i have some insight into the topic at hand.

If anyone has any questions I'm more than happy to answer them (either in open forum, or in PM... asker's choice), but I am "uncensored" when I answer... I don't hold anything back and I keep no secrets (except contact information, I won't put that out in the public internet for all to see). So, if you ask, be ready for the answer.


RichardInTN

P.S. Yes, Richard is my real name, but it's common enough that I'm not too worried about people knowing it.

kdt26417 12-13-2013 05:56 AM

Greetings RichardInTN,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk and browse.

I'm like you, I have a common enough name that I figure I can go public about it (not username-wise but inside posts :)).

I have to admit, I'm a bit alarmed about the bait-and-switch tactic your wife used in landing you. I know it sounds crappy to marry and then immediately divorce, but I'd consider it. Especially if there might be kids on the way soon. Once kids are in the equation divorce becomes a much less viable option. So think it through right now very carefully, you only have the rest of your life to lose, bro! One could argue, "But this marriage is good for her," but I'm not so sure. Does she really want to be monogamous with someone who is poly at heart? Something to think about.

Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy your stay here and find perspectives and insights that are helpful. I'm always here (ping me in this thread) and can offer my own thoughts if there's any particular questions or whatnot that you were wondering about.

Glad to have you aboard, sit back and be comfortable, O stranger thee. ;)

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :D


Notes:

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RichardInTN 12-13-2013 07:33 AM

Kids are not an issue, hers all all grown and have kids of their own. She was "fixed" (full hysterectomy) shortly after her third and last child.

We've been married 8 years (almost 9 now... 1/1/14 will be 9), so "a quick divorce" is kind of out of the question.

I'm not to happy about the "bait-and-switch" either, but in comparison to everything else that I did like about use as a couple at the time, it was something I chose to live with. I don't know if that choice is going to last forever though.

ETA: Oh, and thanks for the welcome!

kdt26417 12-13-2013 08:18 PM

Well, it's actually good that you don't need to make a decision quickly. Heh, it sounded so "just yesterday" when you described the marriage. :)

I'd say spend some time on the boards here and see if that doesn't lend you the insights/perspectives you need to make a decision (if and whenever).

Good luck and Godspeed!
Sincerely,
Kevin T.

LovingRadiance 12-13-2013 09:57 PM

Hi again Richard. :) Haven't had a chance to reply to the pm. I've been finishing finals and then a round of the flu went through the house. Glad to see ya though!

RichardInTN 12-13-2013 11:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kdt26417 (Post 254136)
Well, it's actually good that you don't need to make a decision quickly. Heh, it sounded so "just yesterday" when you described the marriage. :)

I'd say spend some time on the boards here and see if that doesn't lend you the insights/perspectives you need to make a decision (if and whenever).

Good luck and Godspeed!
Sincerely,
Kevin T.

Thanks for the good wishes!

RichardInTN 12-13-2013 11:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance (Post 254157)
Hi again Richard. :) Haven't had a chance to reply to the pm. I've been finishing finals and then a round of the flu went through the house. Glad to see ya though!

No rush on the PM, just whenever you get around to it is fine... LOL

Hi again, nice to catch up with you again! (sorry about the flu... that sucks, and not in a good way!)


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