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-   -   First Timers (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6733)

carolineK 02-13-2011 07:46 PM

First Timers
Hi There,

My husband and I have been very happy together for 5 years now. Everyday is a new adventure. We are best friends and have amazing open conversations. I'm in my 20's and he's a bit older. We're in Ann Arbor, MI

I realized about 4 months ago that I would like to have a third member to our relationship. A girl. He is totally supportive of it, even if he didn't get to be physically involved (which I am fine with him being physically involved) =) .. we just want to meet a girl we both have a great friendship and connection with and see where it may lead - no pressure, no expectations & friendship first and foremost. We don't just want a random fling or one night deal. We want someone we can care for and vise versa.

Any advice from successful situations?

redpepper 02-13-2011 08:00 PM

I suggest that you do a tag search on "unicorns" "foundations" "vees" "triads" and do some readings. There is lots to learn and watch out for. Hopefully doing some reading will get you set on a successful path.

There are some triads and vees that are successful on this forum. Triads quite often break into vees at some point. This seems to be the case because one or more of the connections don't love each other "that" way any more or just want a friendship/metamourship. It is important not to push anyone's agenda onto someone else and to let things happen naturally and with open eyes to what "could" happen when a relationship starts.

I would suggest looking inward to what you want as an independent woman and share this with your partner in terms of independence from him. I have often seen in poly that a couple, when opening up, clinging on to their coupledom and not allowing themselves to go out and do their own thing.

This doesn't mean that you are done as a couple if you go and do your own thing; start thinking this way. It seems necessary in order to establish a relationship outside of your own with some success and less discomfort. It is a complete new way of thinking inside a relationship of two for most people. It's one that is worth getting used to first, before adding another person to the equation.

Adding a new person to your life and you to them completely changes the dynamic of the original two. Often times it seems that the original couple are slapped up side the head with the change if they haven't done the ground work of separating themselves from each other a bit before hand and experienced life as individuals. I would say that working on the ground work of poly would be your best bet first.

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