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-   -   Gay triad? Maybe? Help!! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=67218)

Drummerboy74 12-11-2013 05:15 PM

Gay triad? Maybe? Help!!
Hey everyone!

I posted my first post on here about a month and a half ago about this situation, but wanted to get some opinions on where this is headed. My hubby and I (we are both men) are about to celebrate our 15 year anniversary together in February. I am 39, and the hubby is 37. We met in February of 1999, and have literally been together since the day we met. We practically moved in together about two months after we met. Over the past 15 years, we’ve had quite a few threesomes, but always together (and yes, always safe). We have never “played” on our own. It’s an agreement we have, and I know for a fact that neither of us have broken that agreement. Well, about three months ago, we decided to meet up with this 23 year old young man who had contacted me on a gay website. He is not out, had only been with one guy before us, and in general is new to the gay lifestyle.

From the moment we met this guy, it was an instant connection. The three of us ‘clicked’ immediately. All 3 of us are pretty masculine guys, so I think that had a lot to do with it (aside from the obvious physical attraction). There is a fairly significant age difference, but in all seriousness, you’d never know it. We look younger than we are, and he acts a lot older/more mature than he is. So we meet somewhere in the middle. To make the story a little shorter, he has spent 5 full weekends at our house over the last few months. He is coming over again the weekend after Christmas, and we are headed up to New Hampshire together in mid-January for a weekend in the White Mountains for skiing. He texts with both of us every day, and to put it mildly, I’ve grown quite fond of this guy. The hubby likes him a great deal too – but is a lot more conservative and traditional than I am. Regardless, he is pretty fond of him as well. And our new friend has deep feelings for us as well, which he is certain is not because we are one of the first guys he’s met. He genuinely really likes us both.

What is going on here??? This is both unbelievably exciting, and really scary at the same time! I hesitate to put ANY label on this. I mean, he lives about an hour and fifteen minutes from us, and is not moving in with us. We see him about every 3rd weekend, but we talk to him constantly. He’s already told us he has no desire to meet anyone else right now. Is it best to just see what happens here? Can’t lie and say there aren’t feelings involved, because there most definitely are! He’s even hung out with our closest friends with us, and is well liked by them as well – though they (aside from one) have no idea what is going on.

Help? Ha!

kdt26417 12-11-2013 11:55 PM


"What is going on here?"
Sounds like love. :)


"I hesitate to put *any* label on this."
Heh, that's why I did it for you. ;)


"Is it best to just see what happens here?"
Oh I suppose. Not that you can't be proactive about things, but, no need to stop the relationship from developing naturally (sez I).

Other than the (moderate) long-distance factor, I think the three of you have come across a sweet deal with one another. My vote is to smile and enjoy the ride.

You mentioned that your hubby is rather traditional/conservative. Is he okay with the poly aspect of this situation? (If he is, that's one less thing, y'know?)

Do you think the three of you might move in together eventually? I probably shouldn't ask so early in the triad relationship, but I was curious.

What about your friends, will you tell them? Do you anticipate any repercussions if you do?

Ah, don't be too nervous. I think the emotional forecast is Sunny. Not that love isn't a risk; true love always is. But what shall we do? forgo love to avoid the risk? Nah; that's no good. If you love someone, love them for as long as you can, and set them free if/when they need it. No need to regret having loved and lost; it's a good decision on many levels.

What sort of reading/posting have you done here on Polyamory.com so far? What's been the most helpful?

Rooting for you,
Kevin T.

Drummerboy74 12-12-2013 05:28 PM

Hey thanks for your response. I'd hesitate to call it "love" at this point, thought there are definite strong feelings here. We're still kinda all getting to know each other well. My hubby is ok with polyamory, but is really uncertain it's for him. But he absolutely likes our new "boyfriend" (for lack of a better term). As for moving in with us? Def not happening - at least anytime soon. Our friend's job is an hour and a half from us - not to mention the hubby and I live directly acros the street from my hubby's parents and sister/family. Only one of our best friends knows what is going on here. I dunno, I still have this part of me that knows he is only 23 and may jet at some point. But I also know that my hubby and I met when he was 22 and I was 25, and this has been our only relationship, so it CAN work. Just a little confused I guess - but thank you for your help.

Nadya 12-12-2013 06:41 PM

I get that you are confused as something new and unexpected is happening. From my POV your situation is good: communication, connection, attraction between all parties involved. I personally like my relationships proceed naturally... and that sounds like what you all have been doing here.

Relax and enjoy the journey!

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