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-   -   Insurance? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=67109)

Kes 12-10-2013 04:52 PM

Hi -

Long term poly here, 35.5 years with one partner (DP1) I am legally married to DP1 (same sex), and we are approaching 6 years with the second partner (DP2). I need to add DP2 onto our auto insurance policy, but am not quite sure how to list her. Friend? Roommate? Other?

DP1 and DP2 consider themselves sisters (although they are not related by blood). So, since I am married to DP1, DP2 could be considered my sister-in-law. But that is not legally their relationship, since they are not actually blood relatives, so I'm not sure it would be best to list her as that for an insurance policy.

"Friend" doesn't seem accurate, and 'roommate' doesn't even begin to approach the reality of the relationship.

Any advice? How have others dealt with this situation?

- Kes

PolyinPractice 12-10-2013 05:12 PM

Use "friend." If your girlfriend, or whatever term you use, is going to get in a tizzy over something like that, I really don't think she has any business being poly. Being poly, for the time being, is not widely accepted. Part of the consequence in not giving a damn what society thinks and choosing a married partner is that you have to make some sacrifices (which, hey, I'm not at all against, mind you, in my opinion you should be free to love whoever you want). One of those is sucking it up and accepting the title of "friend" on auto insurance documents.

It sucks, and it's JUST things like that that drive me nuts. Try this: Ask your girlfriend to ask herself when things like this come up, is having that thing (whether it's being called "girlfriend" in public, or listed as "in a relationship" on Facebook) most important, or is it more important to be with him?

Whatever you do, don't list her as anything that MIGHT get you in legal trouble (like sister-in-law).


P.S. Or think of it like this, Does your insurance agent really give a damn about your personal life? Do you WANT them to be?

Kes 12-10-2013 05:20 PM


Thanks for your reply! DP2 is not concerned about the term. We're all far more pragmatic than that. :)

In my years of poly, this is the first time, though, that I've had to deal with the situation of having one 'legal' partner, and one....I guess 'stranger under the law' partner. Until recently, even though I'd been with DP1 for literally decades, we had no legal relationship. Now, thanks to the changing political climate, I have been allowed to place a legal status on my relationship with DP1. Which, by default, makes me even less able to place a legal status for DP2.

I guess I was 1) venting my (mild) frustration of not being able to choose a 'status' that honors the reality of my family, and 2) checking in with folks to air my suspicion that choosing the closest semblance available (sister-in-law) might be unwise because it would not stand in a court of law, irregardless of how we view our family structure.


LovingRadiance 12-10-2013 06:26 PM

If she lives with you-roommate.
If she doesn't live with you-friend.
The insurance company doesn't REALLY care.
It would be more important to establish the depth of relationship if it were medical paperwork.
With car insurance, that doesn't effect how much they are covered, it only establishes for the company (in their mind) how frequently they may have access to the car. A roommate is considered all of the time access, whereas a friend, not so much.

(dealt with this ourselves and asked a friend who works in car insurance)

Kes 12-10-2013 07:52 PM

Thank you, LovingRadiance - that is *exactly* what I needed to know. "Roommate" it is. :)

- Kes

LovingRadiance 12-10-2013 11:49 PM

You are welcome. I remember having the same questions. ;)

MsChristy 12-11-2013 04:43 PM

Have you talked to your insurance agent? Contrary to what many people think any damage/claims made when someone else is driving your car will be covered if you have to file a claim. I had asked this question of a MAJOR U.S. auto insurance company when my then bf was going to be driving my car frequently and was told they do not bother doing paperwork/changing policy, etc as they do not challenge claims just because you weren't the one driving the car.

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