Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   Poly Relationships Corner (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=4)
-   -   Emotions Getting The Best of Me (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=66631)

xIceRomancer 12-07-2013 04:02 PM

Emotions Getting The Best of Me
 
Thank you for all of your responses. I'd like to remain anonymous so I've deleted the content of this message.

london 12-07-2013 04:33 PM

He's married so what difference does it make if he has sex with his wife? Is this an ethically non monogamous relationship where all people consent and understand that there are existing relationships that need to be maintained and that building new relationships takes emotional and physical resources? See, the cynic in me is saying that he lured you in by making it seem like he was unhappily married and you fell for it thinking you could lure him away from his broken marriage into a monogamous relationship with you.

WhatToDo 12-07-2013 04:55 PM

Being in a relationship with a married man, or woman, comes with it's own set of limitations. Why does in matter to you whether he has sex with his wife or not? Does that affect the relationship he has with you? Were you hoping he was going to leave his wife to be exclusive with you? To me personally I would rather not know about the details of the sexual relationship my gf has with her husband.

xIceRomancer 12-07-2013 05:12 PM

I should mention that I am very new to this.

The thing getting to me is that I am discovering new things that were not stated at the beginning. If I am told one thing, I don't expect to find another thing out later on. If he says he is not sexually active with his wife and that is why they are dating other people, I expect it to be that way.

GalaGirl 12-07-2013 05:19 PM

Quote:

True colors have shown, it seems they mean a lot more to each other than he let on. When confronted about it, he said "Of course I wasn't going to say everything when we first started." Which was kind of odd to me.
Quote:

The thing getting to me is that I am discovering new things that were not stated at the beginning. If I am told one thing, I don't expect to find another thing out later on.
So it seems it is more the (leaving things out/lies of omission about his feelings toward his wife) makes you question his forthrightness and trustworthiness?

And his (blase not a big deal type attitude) about being called into account by you bugs you because this is not showing care/concern for your feelings?

And you don't want to probe deeply about sex share with his wife to learn that he lies about THAT too?

Like not the (sex share) part of it but the (less than honest / lies part) of it that is getting your goat the most?

What outcome would you like best or hope for in this situation? Not sure what to tell you other than I am sorry you are experiencing this. :(

And that your expectation of clear communication so you can make informed decisions about what you want to participate in is not unreasonable to have.

Galagirl

xIceRomancer 12-07-2013 05:37 PM

Stated in first message

alibabe_muse 12-07-2013 05:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xIceRomancer (Post 252726)
I should mention that I am very new to this.

The thing getting to me is that I am discovering new things that were not stated at the beginning. If I am told one thing, I don't expect to find another thing out later on. If he says he is not sexually active with his wife and that is why they are dating other people, I expect it to be that way.

How much communication have you and him done so far? As I read what you have wrote I get the impression really not much. If you desire to be in a poly relationship accepting boyfriend has a spouse whom he may or may not have sex with really only affects your sexual health. Emotional health you really have no say in what he and his wife do together.

If I was in your situation I would read as much as I could on poly relations and then ask him for time to discuss what bothers you, what your needs are and possible areas you are unclear about, his honesty.

london 12-07-2013 05:43 PM

I think he probably told you what you needed to hear to lure you in. He knew that unless he painted this sad picture of his marriage, you wouldn't have been interested, even if he was in a legitimate open/poly relationship. Now, you have come to find that you aren't going to be able to have him exclusively and that he enjoys a good relationship with his wife and you're annoyed because it means your intention to be the only one that really holds his heart isn't going to come to fruition.

Dagferi 12-07-2013 05:59 PM

Sweetheart you are being played.

He is lying to you and most likely lying to his wife. He told you what you needed to hear. In my opinion he is cheating on his wife. You have never met her in a year? Not even in passing?

WhatToDo 12-07-2013 06:01 PM

Well it doesn't sound like he lied about his wife holding his heart, his penis maybe but not his heart. There was no mention about him leaving his wife or not getting along with his wife, just no sex.


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:43 AM.