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-   -   Family Values (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=66235)

ColorsWolf 12-05-2013 12:50 AM

Family Values
Family Values....got a weird ring to it doesn't it?~

What exactly does it mean...?~ Hmm?...~

My perspective is that it is completely subjective to whom ever you ask.~

My main issue with these terms and this subject in general is that often people in conversations will some times mention some thing like, "But what about the kids?" and my response is, "Well what about the kids is relevant to this conversation?"

I'm not talking about just being sexual or cussing or violent or some thing like that, I'm also talking about how some people will mention the tiniest hint of referring to children or 'family' like it should snap us all back to the 1950's.~

The problem with this if you do not state your "Family Values" people will often assume your values are the same as their's or that your values are some how the most conservative and repressive possible.~

This is in the television and movies as well, the rating systems have always been either so conservative you have to throw them out or they are just so unstably unpredictable you wonder why they have a 'rating system' to begin with if they're going to fight over what is and what is not acceptable to show every half-hour.~

I'm talking about the U.S.A. just to be clear.~

MsChristy 12-05-2013 04:50 AM

I agree the phrase "family values" does have a unfortunate conservative vibe to it. People seem to think of family values as the traditional 1950's American family values, and don't seem to think of the non-traditional families. Besides poly families, there are LGBT families which also don't meet the mold.

I think we need to just so society that while we may be non-traditional, we can be good parents and we can raise our kids to be good members of society. I hope to raise my future kids to know the values of tolerance, of treating every person with respect, and of acceptance. These are also "family values," just not what people traditionally think of.

YouAreHere 12-05-2013 03:00 PM


Originally Posted by ColorsWolf (Post 252083)
This is in the television and movies as well, the rating systems have always been either so conservative you have to throw them out or they are just so unstably unpredictable you wonder why they have a 'rating system' to begin with if they're going to fight over what is and what is not acceptable to show every half-hour.~

As for the main part of your post, I agree that it's completely subjective - you'll find fifty different people with fifty different ideas, so I'm not going to head down that path here.

As for TV/movie/music/etc. ratings, I personally feel they are a guide to parents. That I, as a parent, should see a flag on the field and investigate to see if I believe this is cause for concern for me and my children. It means that I have homework to do.

However, you have the wide spectrum of human nature, and that level of homework will mean different things to different people, heading out to the two extremes of "let the MPAA/etc do my decision making for me, and everything over <x> rating is forbidden" to "I ignore any and all ratings and brought my 3-year-old to see 'Saw XIII'".

I took my kids (ages 10 and 12) to the latest "Hunger Games" movie over the weekend. I asked around to see what other people thought of the more "scary" scenes, and I made the decision to take my youngest anyway, knowing that she isn't sensitive to action-movie-level violence. She WAS, however, bored to tears at the plot exposition during the first half of the movie. A different child may be more sensitive to the action and scary bits, again, making it subjective.

As for music ratings and "bad words" - meh. My kids hear them, I discuss them, but they still don't cuss like sailors around me. It's more the "Smack My Bitch Up" stuff that I'd rather they know isn't respectful. Not necessarily a bad word or two. Again, subjective. As long as my kids understand respect, I'm okay with them hearing F-bombs in songs.

ColorsWolf 12-06-2013 03:50 AM

Glad I'm not alone in my thinking, I have a feeling that many people want to talk about this but they often are too scared to do so, because the moment they do often someone will come along and "shoot them down" or in other words tell them "it's not appropriate to talk about those kinds of things" as if we live in a Nazi-Controlled country where we are never allowed to talk about these kinds of things or at least that's how it often seems on the online forums of any site.

Oldpolyman 12-25-2013 07:21 PM

My take on "Family Values" is that it depends which family your speaking of and their particular values.
Religious groups, which claim to represent the family (not mine I'm sure) are living in a fantasy world, the 50's are long past, the Father Knows Best and Leave it to Beaver world's were made up fiction, and perhaps the times idealized family, which never really existed.

nycindie 12-25-2013 07:40 PM

A coworker of mine has been dating a guy for about five months or so and, after the holidays, she will be meeting his parents for the first time. They are Indian and he told her that they asked him if she has "good family values." Because they know he is crazy about her, and that he and my co-worker are both very marriage-minded, I took his parents' question to mean, "Does she value her family connections? Is having a family important to her? Is her family close?" They want to know what kind of chick he's fallen for and whether or not she's suitable for him.

Everyone who knows her knows that she wants to get married and pop out a few babies. She's very close to her family, especially her brother, talks to her parents nearly every day, and travels back home to see them and other relatives as much as she can. Her brother is gay, and she and her parents have totally supported and accepted him. However, he really fucked up his end of an investment he made with his sister and left her holding the bag financially, but she forgave him and never held it against him. As I see it, in her case, the answer is yes - she has family values to the point where she puts her family first before her own needs, in a lot of ways. So, her bf's parents will probably approve of her.

Other than that, I have no idea what the phrase "family values" means, and I really don't care. If I'm feeling dissed by a member of my family, I don't put up with it just because we happen to be related. I either tell them off or sever ties because if someone is toxic, they're toxic, and I don't feel beholden to them for the fact that we're family. Plus, I've always been blissfully child-free by choice. If someone asked me if I have family values, I would ask them to explain what they are trying to know about me. I really don't think I'd pass a test on that!

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