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MonoVCPHG 02-10-2011 07:01 PM

How we work
 
I thought I would start a thread that has a sole purpose of explaining bits of ourselves. Originally I was going to call it Character Flaws and discuss certain aspects of my personality that are sometimes less than appreciated. That is too negative, too limiting and too much about me.

I will start by explaining a little bit about how I interact with people and offer explanations as to why.

I have a reflective personality. In simple terms, I have a tendency to reflect the attitude I perceive I am engaged with back at who is communicating with me; "Like Produces Like". I normally always initiate interactions in a positive way because I am friendly :D Similarly, if I am engaged in a friendly manner I respond in kind. The problem with perception is that it can be wrong.

BUT...If I am engaged in a way I perceive as aggressive, judgemental or passive aggressive I also have a tendency to reflect that. We all know I can be passive aggressive. :o The other thing is that I am trained in many areas of conflict to respond a certain way. I am trained to use a higher level of force to ensure the aggression ceases; my response is to hit harder than I am hit, so to speak. I don't go on the defensive to withstand a threat; I go on the offensive to end the threat. This is perfectly fine in some areas of life but does not translate well in others especially when the "threat" is not one that can cause real damage. But I am human so it is hard not to respond and when triggered it takes a while for me to come down from that. We have seen this on the forums as well…I do actually restrain myself though…I really try. While I try to de-escalate situations, once that fails I am not the type to turn the other cheek or overcome a conflict in a peaceful manner. Given the chance to walk away I will take it, but if I am followed or cornered I engage.

I am working on trying not to respond to things that are less than productive...have patience.
There's a little more insight into the mind of this guy.

Mohegan 02-11-2011 09:10 AM

I don't have much to say on this, quite yet. Other than the fact that we are much more similar then I realised. I tend to react to people in a very similar way. Including using "Like produces like" as an explanation for my response to some people.

Karma 02-11-2011 11:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG (Post 65795)
I normally always initiate interactions in a positive way because I am friendly :D Similarly, if I am engaged in a friendly manner I respond in kind. The problem with perception is that it can be wrong.

BUT...If I am engaged in a way I perceive as aggressive, judgemental or passive aggressive I also have a tendency to reflect that. We all know I can be passive aggressive. :o The other thing is that I am trained in many areas of conflict to respond a certain way. I am trained to use a higher level of force to ensure the aggression ceases; my response is to hit harder than I am hit, so to speak. I don't go on the defensive to withstand a threat; I go on the offensive to end the threat. This is perfectly fine in some areas of life but does not translate well in others especially when the "threat" is not one that can cause real damage.

I completely understand and empathize with this situation and the issues it causes, Mono. I often do the same thing... I don't stop and think "was that intended as an attack", I just run with my first impression/assumption and counter-attack. I'm working on addressing that as well, so at least you know you're not alone in this :)

Keep your chin up, sir. We're men - we CAN be trained, if the woman (women in my case) has enough patience!! :D

MonoVCPHG 02-11-2011 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mohegan (Post 65907)
I don't have much to say on this, quite yet. Other than the fact that we are much more similar then I realised.

My dad was a sailor...maybe we have the same father :eek: Joke!Joke!

MonoVCPHG 02-11-2011 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Karma (Post 65916)
- we CAN be trained, if the woman (women in my case) has enough patience!! :D

We can only hope :o

gemini 02-11-2011 05:03 PM

i am a very direct person. i naturally take the leadership position if a situation arises that has no leader, by tittle or otherwise. i have had to learn to keep that in check sometimes. some people do not always react well when a person approaches them with a "direct" manner. this is true in both professional work and personal life and relationships. my wife is a structured type of person. if i don't approach her with that in mind, she shuts down or defends aggresively. our girl friend is a very reactive type of personality. if i approach her with a direct approach, she reacts very hostile. and that can be a problem sometimes because when i ask a question, i look for an immediate, cut and dry answer. give me just the facts, i don't need a pretty picture to go with it.

Derbylicious 02-11-2011 10:37 PM

I'm overly competitive and tend to read competition into situations where none was intended. (Although it is easier to win when the other party doesn't know it's a race :D). Fortunately I've found outlets in my life where I am allowed to be competitive, I try very hard to keep it out of the rest of my life (although I still need some not so gentle reminding sometimes that it's rearing it's ugly head).

gemini 02-11-2011 10:51 PM

it's funny that you mention competative. i have been acused of having to always be right. implying that i will argue about something until someone else gives up. while that is close, it's completely wrong. i always strive to not be wrong. example. someone will say something as fact. i don't beleive it is true for what ever reason. i say nothing. i do research and prove or disprove the "fact". i bring up later the "fact" was wrong and state the truth. yes i know i don't have to bring it up. and sometimes i don't. i HATE being the person who tells others a false fact.

LovingRadiance 02-12-2011 01:35 AM

I'm the kind of person who tends to take charge of any given situation to "get things going". I prefer thing to be organized and orderly. I also prefer to do things the simplest and most effective way-not waste a lot of time on extras so to speak.

I notice this even when I purchase clothing, I don't pay extra for a name. If it's not simple and basic and going to go with what I'm doing-I'm not wasting money on it.

I tend to get frustrated when I percieve someone making something more complicated, time consuming or costly than necessary.

I often say things in the most efficient manner as well-this isn't always a good thing. :( If I'm not careful it comes off like I don't care, when that's not at all the case.

I'll give the shirt off my back, but if I find out that you used me-I will walk away and not look back.

Kay 05-15-2011 02:57 AM

Little about me...

I do not need big name brands, fancy cars, or big homes. I enjoy spending time with family and friends but, can be happy spending time alone just as well. Love the outdoors and looking forward to spending more time there. Pretty much an easy going person and get alone with almost everyone but, will not let people walk all over me. Sometimes I like to listen more then talk when in large groups and get a idea of what people think. Do not ask me what I want for dinner because I never seem to know?? :p I belive a house is a house and the love people put into make it a home. Try to look at the bright side of things for the most part. Have found out that I really do not enjoy packing and hope unpacking is more fun:) Love music and reading. Will try ALMOST anything once lol. Guess that is more then a little :p


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