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-   -   Kind of new to the feeling (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=659)

dazednconfused09 08-21-2009 03:39 PM

Kind of new to the feeling
Hello, first I would like to say that I am so happy that I found this sight. I have felt like nobody would understand how I feel. I never though I would find a site like this to help me know that it is ok to feel the way I do. I have been married now for almost 6 yrs., we only dated for nearly a year before we did get married. We have 3 beautiful children and I love our family that we do have together. I have always found myself finding love in other friends. I never really thought much about it because the thought of being in love with more than one person always sounded not real.. I come from a family that is strong and old fashioned and do not really act outside the norm. Me and my husband have hit a few road bumps along the way but, we are still together and obviously we are for a reason. I met one of his friends from high school and me and him clicked from the get go, for once I didnt feel like I was left out of his friendship with this person, I just felt included. Me and his friend started to spend time together, as well as him coming over a lot. We always look forward to seeing eachother and hanging out with eachother, and now i feel so much love for him.. My husband rarely talks about it but he says that he feels love for him to. But we never really talk about it. Me and his friend, now my best friend too, have talked a little about it and have both noticed it, but are not sure how to take it. He loves us both and he says that he doesnt want to feel like hes in the way of our family, but in reality we feel like he is a part of our family. I am not sure how to get my husband to talk about it more than that, I guess I dont know where to go from here. When I found this site I felt like I could get advice and feel like I wasnt the only one that has been in this situation. I never expected it to happen, but I am a believer of things happening for a reason.:confused:

River 08-21-2009 06:48 PM

Hello, and Welcome!

Talk with them. Choose which one to begin with, and just say what you feel, what you're thinking and feeling....

If you're not able to do this, go to a close friend other than these two and talk with him/her about the situation. Maybe this friend can help you get prepared to open up with these two. Choose a friend that is most likely to sympathize or empathize with you. It won't be any good to seek supportiveness from someone who thinks poly is "wrong," or who isn't pretty open-minded.

foxflame88 08-21-2009 07:26 PM


Another suggestion, if you don't know how to approach either of them... try journaling your thoughts and letting them read how you are feeling. This may give them the "door" to ask questions. Good luck!

River 08-21-2009 07:56 PM

Good idea! Journaling, or just writing down thoughts and ideas, feelings..., can also help one to understand one's own feelings and thoughts better, which can in turn help in talking with others about the same. So they can read what you've written, or hear the words spoken.

Rarechild 08-25-2009 04:33 PM

Welcome to the forum
I wish you well as you try to get your family all on the same page- sounds like they are already halfway there. It can be scary- but think of the reward for your courage, for you and for them!

AutumnalTone 08-25-2009 07:48 PM

That's a tricky one. I've always discussed this sort of thing early in relationships so I've never had to face the challenge of bringing it up later. The advice the others have given seems reasonable to me--let us know what you do and how it works out.

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