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-   -   New and feeling naive (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=65400)

d0r0thea 11-28-2013 01:04 AM

New and feeling naive
 
We officially opened our marriage 2 weeks ago. Prior to officially opening the marriage I met 2 men online. Older and single. I had sex with one of them after our 3rd date. The other one was in town for business and due to time constraint we only made out. But I know next time he is in town we will have sex. My sexual experience is zilch. I was a virgin when I got married.

Common sense tells me men want sex. A no brainer. I think what I want is just to have some fun, meet interesting people, experiment, new experiences. The 2 men I have already met have become good friends.

My issue is I am on OKCupid. I have met a crap load of men who are looking for someone like me. Sex with not strings attached- Which I am ok with. BUT here is my problem. They keep pairing me with men just like my husband. Sex driven, overly confident, over achievers and aggressive. Makes me wonder what that says about me;D. I don't want to be the most popular girl in school because "I put out":D

I guess I am just asking for tips on the whole online dating thing. What boundaries should there be. I have no experience.

graviton 11-28-2013 01:42 AM

ummmm how about having more respect for yourself and stop feeding the hyenas? You don't have to have sex with everyone. If you're afraid they will lose interest then so much the better. Stop going after the guys OK cupid suggests and go for the low % match guys. They will most likely be different from your husband. You may find that just because someone answers those silly questions differently than you doesn't mean they are less fun or interesting. Who wants to hang out with people identical to ourselves anyway?

Norwegianpoly 11-28-2013 02:18 AM

I don't see the problem. Is not "putting out" the whole point of sex with no strings attached (or any sex)? If you want to wait with sex or have no sex at all then follow your heart and insticts.

If you want to date different kinds of men, then search for them. You might consider looking at different kids of sites, or other channels of meeting men.

london 11-29-2013 01:30 PM

Have as much sex as you want to have and don't worry about what other people think. Don't have sex with someone becAuse you feel obligated to and don't refuse sex with someone you'd like to have sex with because society says it's too soon.

d0r0thea 11-29-2013 01:38 PM

thanks for the advice . i am still trying to figure all this out.

Magdlyn 11-29-2013 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by d0r0thea (Post 250363)
We officially opened our marriage 2 weeks ago. Prior to officially opening the marriage I met 2 men online. Older and single. I had sex with one of them after our 3rd date. The other one was in town for business and due to time constraint we only made out. But I know next time he is in town we will have sex. My sexual experience is zilch. I was a virgin when I got married.

How long have you been with your husband? I assume you have sex with him, so your sexual exp. is not zilch. It's just limited to one guy.

What led you to cheat? Is your husband fine you did? Was he cheating himself? Are you both really totally OK with your spouse fucking others? What if feelings develop between you and one of your lovers, or between him and his, if he has any?

Quote:

Common sense tells me men want sex. A no brainer. I think what I want is just to have some fun, meet interesting people, experiment, new experiences. The 2 men I have already met have become good friends.
Good friends you can fuck. FWBs. So, why do you need more? Need to sow some wild oats, after being a virgin on your wedding night?

Quote:

My issue is I am on OKCupid. I have met a crap load of men who are looking for someone like me. Sex with not strings attached- Which I am ok with. BUT here is my problem. They keep pairing me with men just like my husband. Sex driven, overly confident, over achievers and aggressive. Makes me wonder what that says about me;D. I don't want to be the most popular girl in school because "I put out":D

I guess I am just asking for tips on the whole online dating thing. What boundaries should there be. I have no experience.
I've been on OKC for almost 5 years. Especially when I first joined, I was deluged with offers. I am picky. I want to be safe! I always insisted on a public first date (with a couple rare exceptions after really good honest open chats for weeks). I am not going to go to his place, or invite him to mine, or go to a hotel unless we talk in public first. A screening, an audition, if you will. Lot of weirdos out there.

I assume you won't fuck just anyone. So spend your time determining just what kind of man you want (if your current 2 lovers and your husband really aren't enough), then go and search for him. If you don't want a man who only wants sex, find a guy who also meets other criteria, shares other interests of yours, is open to doing activities outside the bedroom. At least dinner first! Cuddling on the couch, walks in a park, a movie, museums, concerts, whatever floats your boat. It can take a while to find these people, so be prepared to be patient and do the "work."

TheRealDeal 11-29-2013 04:49 PM

be yourself
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by d0r0thea (Post 250743)
thanks for the advice . i am still trying to figure all this out.




My advise to you is don’t let hypocritical people behind a wall who could be putting out even morhan you sexually but telling you to deny enjoying sex which is the best thing in life that is free. Even if you are a sex addict like most of us you are not a drug addict. You are not taking drugs or hurting children or any adult intentionally. Keep on having as much sex as you can and want because if you stop you will be stressed because that who and what you are and cannot be or do otherwise. Its better to have more than less. Unless you preffer to be stressed and depressed! Sex is a remedy for your complain and to not have sex would make you become depressed.

Just do it safely and discreetly. However stop putting out for men who someone choose for you. Find yourself capable studs-bulls to feed you sexcitingly because the reason why you have to be putting out for so many different men is because you need to find four or more good capable sex partner with big cocks (not mini cocks) big cock bulls black or white to bulls you right at will. A combination of physical/oral sex is the menu for you. After all you cant turn a zebra into a mouse. So what you need is sex sex sex (smile) but not quantity, quality is what you need. . You need to find a few capable well endowed open minded bulls to service you consistently right physically and orally in a kinky and freaky manner and that will prevent you from indulging in quantity.

So your problem is not because you are puttion out, or because you are addicted to sex. Its not what you do its how. Have sex as much as you can and want. Just make sure you put out for well endowed bulls black or white with big cocks and kinkey minds so they will sex you physically and orally right in order to stimulate your mind/body and soul. Its not less sex you want, its just a lot of good quality sex sex sex. Just do it safe and discreet with big cock men black and or white.

By the way have you taken black men as yet? I have a girlfriend who use to have the same problem as you do because she was into quantity not quality. Then she took my advise snd found and start sexing black men, along with a few choosed reasonable big vanilla flavoured men with good size cock. She now have 2 big cock black bulls plus the etc and now she said, my god i went from putting out for men men men trying to get satisfaction, now all i do is sex none stop discreetly with only a few big cock men and she is soooooooooooo feeling good.

Quality not quantity is the remedy for your complain. Go into your futuring puttion our or sexciting adventure with a more open mind culturally find yourself a few cable big ciock bulls sex them discreetly and making sure its safe sex and i gurantee you will find the remedy for your complain. No you are not doing anything wrong by having plenty sex lol. You are not the only one on this site who is putting out, or opening your legs fro different men. There is nothing to be ashame of. Its just that you are too much into quantity and whats needed is quality.

london 11-30-2013 09:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheRealDeal (Post 250787)
My advise to you is donít let hypocritical people behind a wall who could be putting out even morhan you sexually but telling you to deny enjoying sex which is the best thing in life that is free. Even if you are a sex addict like most of us you are not a drug addict. You are not taking drugs or hurting children or any adult intentionally. Keep on having as much sex as you can and want because if you stop you will be stressed because that who and what you are and cannot be or do otherwise. Its better to have more than less. Unless you preffer to be stressed and depressed! Sex is a remedy for your complain and to not have sex would make you become depressed.

Just do it safely and discreetly. However stop putting out for men who someone choose for you. Find yourself capable studs-bulls to feed you sexcitingly because the reason why you have to be putting out for so many different men is because you need to find four or more good capable sex partner with big cocks (not mini cocks) big cock bulls black or white to bulls you right at will. A combination of physical/oral sex is the menu for you. After all you cant turn a zebra into a mouse. So what you need is sex sex sex (smile) but not quantity, quality is what you need. . You need to find a few capable well endowed open minded bulls to service you consistently right physically and orally in a kinky and freaky manner and that will prevent you from indulging in quantity.

So your problem is not because you are puttion out, or because you are addicted to sex. Its not what you do its how. Have sex as much as you can and want. Just make sure you put out for well endowed bulls black or white with big cocks and kinkey minds so they will sex you physically and orally right in order to stimulate your mind/body and soul. Its not less sex you want, its just a lot of good quality sex sex sex. Just do it safe and discreet with big cock men black and or white.

By the way have you taken black men as yet? I have a girlfriend who use to have the same problem as you do because she was into quantity not quality. Then she took my advise snd found and start sexing black men, along with a few choosed reasonable big vanilla flavoured men with good size cock. She now have 2 big cock black bulls plus the etc and now she said, my god i went from putting out for men men men trying to get satisfaction, now all i do is sex none stop discreetly with only a few big cock men and she is soooooooooooo feeling good.

Quality not quantity is the remedy for your complain. Go into your futuring puttion our or sexciting adventure with a more open mind culturally find yourself a few cable big ciock bulls sex them discreetly and making sure its safe sex and i gurantee you will find the remedy for your complain. No you are not doing anything wrong by having plenty sex lol. You are not the only one on this site who is putting out, or opening your legs fro different men. There is nothing to be ashame of. Its just that you are too much into quantity and whats needed is quality.

This is possibly the funniest post on this site. Dude, go and watch some porn.

scarletzinnia 11-30-2013 03:35 PM

The boundaries in online dating should be, figure out what you want (which could be more than one kind of thing) and don't waste your time on people who don't add value to your life.

There are a huge amount of men online who want casual sex. I personally define this as "sex outside a romantic relationship," and I see it as taking three different forms. Some of the men who want casual sex are just out to bang you once and may not even answer a text message afterwards. Some might want continued sexual encounters, but on a strictly casual, "booty call" basis, where you meet for sex a few times but don't really have a friendship outside of that. And some might be open to growing a friendship and continuing to see each other (friendship with benefits), but may not want anything romantic. You need to figure out if you are OK with any of these possibilities, and if so, which ones. If you don't want one-nighters or ongoing booty calls, then stay away from everyone who is trying to get you into bed quickly. Someone who just wants a hookup once or a few times is not going to put the time into getting to know you and developing a friendship. As time goes on, you will be better at spotting the seekers of sex without friendship, but for now, unless you are Ok with having these kinds of sexual encounters, make everyone put in the time to get to know you.

Friendships with benefits can be nice things to have (I don't personally have them but many poly people I know seem to get a lot out of these connections). But you should also know that it is absolutely possible to have loving, committed, romantic relationships even though you are already married. You are most likely to find these types of relationships if you are dating people who identify as polyamorous. Some, not all, of those men are actually looking to give their heart to someone new in their lives. If you want that, stick to men who identify as poly. You won't find love with all of them, but in my experience, you are unlikely to find this kind of relationship with someone who identifies as monogamous, or if you do, the relationship will not be sustainable.

I will also say that it is perfectly legitimate to make friends in the online dating world and choose to never sleep with them. If things are going well with your first guy, the one you already slept with, then by all means keep him around and see how things go, if you are liking your time with him. But you do NOT have to sleep with the second guy unless you really want to. Nor are you obligated to continue sleeping with the first one unless you really want to.

Oh, and I would advise you to stay away from everyone who is cheating on a wife or girlfriend. Someone who lies to their partner will lie to you even quicker. The married guys in the sexless marriages who seem SO sweet and charming? I am sure you have encountered those on OKC. I was dumb enough to talk to (and sleep with) some of those years ago, and all I will say is, there is usually a reason their wives don't want them sexually anymore.

Value your time and energy, and don't expend either of those on people who don't treat you well and make you happy.

Good luck.

Dagferi 11-30-2013 04:26 PM

Real deal ... Go back to your porn fueled fantasy haze. Apparently you have some things to work through


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