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-   -   The couple I am polyamorous with want to have a baby (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=65058)

Csmarie 11-26-2013 03:00 AM

The couple I am polyamorous with want to have a baby
 
I have been a part of a triad with a married couple for over three years now. We have had the commitment discussion agreed that we are all a family together. They have been together for 15 years and are wanting to try to get pregnant together. I'm worried that my part of the relationship will become somehow unimportant and I am worried that I will no longer be considered part of the family once they have a small family of their own. Does anyone have any advice on how I can deal with this and the jealousy and fear it causes me?

Thank you

bookbug 11-26-2013 03:23 AM

Do you live with them?

luna9981 11-26-2013 03:24 AM

same boat
 
Hi,

I feel that i can relate. My husband and i have been married for ten years, and i guess i should say our girlfriend is going to be moving in with us soon. My husband and i have an 8 year old son. My husband told me that he didnt want anymore children, so we made the decession to have my tubes tied. That was in 2011, now our girlfriend wants to have a child with him. It hurts me that this is going to happen because i gave up the ability to have more and cant have any without help. Im jealous of the fact that she will be able to have his children without any help. They both tell me that they want me to help raise there child as if it were my own. Somehow i just dont see that yet and i dont know if i ever will. I know its hard, just to let you know that your not alone in your feelings.

LovingRadiance 11-26-2013 04:15 AM

Trivia from a different perspective.
I am in a V with my husband and boyfriend.
We all live together.
Dh and bf have helped raise my oldest daughter (22) from a previous relationship. We have all raised dh's son (17) from a previous relationship.
Also Godson (16).
Dh and I's son (13).
Bf's and I's daughter (6).

We identified as a family for the purpose of parenting LONG before we were established as a poly family.

BigGuy 11-26-2013 05:08 AM

Have you shared your concern with them. The easiest (and best in my opinion) way ti deal with fear and jealousy is to seek reassurance frim those involved. If they love you, they will help you navigate through this rough patxh

Csmarie 11-26-2013 05:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bookbug (Post 249817)
Do you live with them?

I don't live with them currently. Three months ago they invited me to move in but I was dealing with some personal issues at the time and turned them down. If they asked again, I would live with them in a heart beat.

Csmarie 11-26-2013 06:06 AM

mytingimo
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by BigGuy (Post 249864)
Have you shared your concern with them. The easiest (and best in my opinion) way ti deal with fear and jealousy is to seek reassurance frim those involved. If they love you, they will help you navigate through this rough patxh

It was brought up to me today and kind of took me by surprise as the last I knew she was not interested in having children. At one point it was discussed that perhaps when I am ready he and I could have a child. But her want to have a child seemed to come out of the blue. I told them that it scared me and I told them why. I was informed that I would be a part of all of it, and it would be special for all of us. Which should be reassuring but I still find myself very scared of this change. I am just hoping that maybe someone out there has been in this situation and could give me some advice. An outside perspective.

Csmarie 11-26-2013 06:43 AM

I should mention that when we discussed my longing to have a family in the future she had said that we could discuss is when we get there and that they could help me find a sperm donor or possibly discuss my having his baby. I understand that they are married, and I am coming into THEIR relationship, but after close to four years of us being together, I'm struggling with this fact as well. I'm not sure why but lately I am have been obsessing over feeling like an outsider to THEIR relationship and I worry that their wanting to have a baby will only make this feeling worse. Have any poly couples that brought a girlfriend into their relationship made a married-like commitment to her? I feel like I would be more comfortable with their starting a family if I truly felt I was a part of it. I don't want to be one of those women that needs a ring and a piece of paper, but I am scared of being pushed out due to a growing family.

Csmarie 11-26-2013 06:44 PM

Anybody? I really need advice before I end up walking away from the people I love.

london 11-26-2013 07:04 PM

The only thing you can do is ask what their baby making means for your future. Are the same things still on the table?


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