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-   -   Living Together - V's, Triads, etc. (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=64822)

JustUs 11-24-2013 10:18 PM

Living Together - V's, Triads, etc.
My wife's boyfriend will be moving here in the very near future. They have been together long distance for 4 years and he and I get along great.
I'm just curious of others living arrangements. Sleeping arrangements? does everyone have their own space?
We all have a pretty good idea of our arrangement, but we are all flexible and very open to new ideas or thoughts.
Any stories or suggestions always welcome.

JaneQSmythe 11-24-2013 10:43 PM

I live with my husband and my boyfriend (both straight) in a one-bedroom house. We share one king-size bed - I get the middle. When Dude's girlfriend stays over we sleep four to the bed (either MFMF or MFFM - MrS's request is that he gets an end).

When no-one is using the bed for sleep - any combination can use it for sex. If someone is using the bed for sleep then the sex-having people need to find another location. (We don't have kids, so this isn't an issue.)

Outside of the bedroom/bathrooms - we each have areas of the house that are "ours" - to retreat to, to decorate, to determine its uses, etc. The eventual plan is to build an addition with another bedroom and space for "private entertaining" without encroaching on the "common spaces"...but that is probably a few years off.

Both of the boys are WAY more social than I am...and would like to have "outside" people over on a more regular basis than I am comfortable with (my house is my "cave" - I have a short list of people that I am ok with having in my "cave" - the addition would address this.).

JustUs 11-24-2013 10:52 PM

That sounds like a very good arrangement that works for all 3 (4) of you. We did originally all 3 sleep in our kind size bed the first year or two when my wife's boyfriend would visit (which was usually 2-4 weeks at a time), which worked ok for awhile, but we all decided him having his own space as well when he visited, seemed to work much better.

JaneQSmythe 11-25-2013 12:24 AM

I think that it all depends on the people and dynamics involved. I think our set-up works better than expected because Dude and MrS are best friends as well as metamours (and were before the Vee formed). In addition, neither is homophobic or has "personal space" issues.

Some people need more "personal space" than others. Some people are uncomfortable sleeping (i.e. actual sleeping) with people that they wouldn't have sex with. (Whereas we are all ok with sharing a bed with anybody we are close enough to to invite to our private dwelling...or random people that are "not creepy"). Sleeping/bed-sharing =/= sex/intimacy for me/us.

In the long-term - people have their own preferences. Dude is fine sharing any and all things and does not find the lack of "personal space" constricting. I'm the most "restrictive" - I don't want people in my house if I am not willing to let them peruse my "stuff". MrS is somewhere in between...

PS. We are are excellent sleepers...we can sleep anywhere, anytime, with any people...8-10-12 hours - no problem. We tease each other that we are training for the "Interspecies Sleep Olympics" (MrS and my terrier, M, are competing for the "reigning champion" title...)

london 11-25-2013 08:58 AM

I would want everyone to have their own room. We might end up all sleeping together, but I think having your own space is necessary.

Mya 11-25-2013 09:22 AM

I live with Hank. When we moved in together, I had been with rory longer than him and he is open to having another partner as well, so that was something that needed to be considered. So we moved into a two bedroom place and both have our own rooms. That has worked pretty well so far. When rory visits, the three of us hang out for a while but then we go to my room to have private time for the rest of the evening. We've talked about the possibility of one day living together with rory (if her current living situation changes for some reason) or some future partner we don't know about yet. We're open to the idea, but remain in the position that everyone would need to have their own space.

Dagferi 11-25-2013 12:29 PM

I live with my husbands but in two separate homes. I am at Murf's house 12-14 days a month.

Every once in a blue moon Murf will spend the night at my home with Butch. He sleeps with me and Butch sleeps in the spare room.

It works well no one is really invading anyones territory.

Ariakas 11-25-2013 10:35 PM


Originally Posted by london (Post 249566)
I would want everyone to have their own room. We might end up all sleeping together, but I think having your own space is necessary.

Agreed.. if possible. Even if the space isnt a bedroom. But .. everyone needs somewhere. Well at least anyone I know haha..

LovingRadiance 11-26-2013 12:36 AM

We all have our own spaces (all live together).
We didn't the first 2 years-DRAMAFEST. But truly the breakout of personal spaces for each of us resolved most of the issues. What was left we managed to work through with some basic good communication skills.

Natja 11-26-2013 11:08 AM

Not having my own space killed me before, it was SO oppressive, I don't even like sharing my bed full time...nope, no WAY would I do that again.
Imagine never...ever being able to be alone for a moment.....

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