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-   -   Dating Ideas? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=648)

CaityandBen 08-19-2009 08:27 AM

Dating Ideas?
 
We are a couple, 19F and 28M, looking for a girlfriend. We have no clue where to look! As much as we'd like to simply pick up women in a bar...I (the 19F) am not allowed in the bar...nor do I really like to drink.

My first question is where have other people looked and found? And how are easy ways of introducing polyamory to someone we may be interested in? So I'm simply asking for stories and experiences and advice.

We have weighed the pros and cons of this lifestyle. We could not imagine anything better than having more love in our house and someday to have a big family!

NeonKaos 08-19-2009 01:06 PM

Well, for starters, you can join the unofficial "Unicorn Hunters' Club" that we seem to have here.

I mean that with the utmost respect!

Srsly. Maybe someone would start a Social Group for this. It might help; the topic keeps coming up.

Quath 08-19-2009 01:28 PM

Or you could just go around just asking random women to join you two. You will get slapped, rejected and yelled at 49 out of 50 times. But that 50th time is oh so special. :)

There are a few poly dating web sites in other threads. (We should probably have a sticky thread for poly dating and social websites.) You could also try to see if you have any friends that may be interested. Or join some social groups that exposes you two to more people.

redpepper 08-19-2009 02:34 PM

I had an ad on okcupid, plenty of fish, alt.com, adultfriendfinders you name it. I still get emails from them, which is annoying. There are poly dating sites too. But I don't have experience with them.

If you ask around people who date they will know what is popular for your area. Be sure to be very specific in your ad about wanting poly. There are more people into cheating, open relationships (ie. finding a one night stand), and swinging than poly. You'll have a lot of wading to do. Keep honest and patient. Take your time as there are a lot of one offs that think they know what they want, but when it comes down to it, just want to get laid and move on.

There are a lot of couples on those sites looking for the same thing as you. That doesn't mean it doesn't exsist, but can be very defeating.

CaityandBen 08-19-2009 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redpepper (Post 5061)
I had an ad on okcupid, plenty of fish, alt.com, adultfriendfinders you name it. I still get emails from them, which is annoying. There are poly dating sites too. But I don't have experience with them.

If you ask around people who date they will know what is popular for your area. Be sure to be very specific in your ad about wanting poly. There are more people into cheating, open relationships (ie. finding a one night stand), and swinging than poly. You'll have a lot of wading to do. Keep honest and patient. Take your time as there are a lot of one offs that think they know what they want, but when it comes down to it, just want to get laid and move on.

There are a lot of couples on those sites looking for the same thing as you. That doesn't mean it doesn't exsist, but can be very defeating.

yay! okay, so we do have an AdultFriendFinder account, but it's hell trying to find someone local, we find people we could fall in love with in a heartbeat but they live half way across the world. Did you have to travel or something?

CaityandBen 08-19-2009 08:21 PM

oh and another thing, with our AFF account, we get too many swingers and masturbating men asking just to sleep with me!...
or "swappers" and we have it posted on our profile that we're interested in a polyamorous lifestyle and it seems no one cares to read it. we have no x-rated images on there except myself in new bra and panties that I had purchased...whereas everyone has they're bottoms up in the air!! We have tried to make our profile as clean and serious as possible...

ps., i'm totally digging polyamory.com I enjoy venting!

NeonKaos 08-19-2009 08:29 PM

I could never understand why folks would flash only their genitals when it comes to making "first contact" (speaky Star Trek?).

In real life, it's someone's face that you meet first. Even when we go to c/o resorts and campgrounds, it's considered tacky to stare at people below the neck for a sustained period.

Fidelia 08-19-2009 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaityandBen (Post 5080)
. . . we get too many swingers and masturbating men asking just to sleep with me!...or "swappers" and we have it posted on our profile that we're interested in a polyamorous lifestyle and it seems no one cares to read it. we have no x-rated images on there except myself in new bra and panties . . .

If you're getting undesirable responses, rework your ad to dial back whatever's attracting them. Suggestions to consider:
Don't count on anyone reading your profile.
Be upfront and specific in your ad about what you want (a girlfriend for a polyamorous triad)
and what you don't want (no swingers, swappers, or sweaty palm-ers).
Replace the lingerie photo with something fun but fully clothed.

Best of luck to y'all in your search for the ever-elusive unicorn. *brushing bangs down over forehead* Happy Hunting!

redpepper 08-20-2009 06:00 AM

Ya, friendfinders... yuck... keep at it though. It took me over a year and at least a 50 dates to find my Mono. It was exhausting and grueling. Finding a local community of Poly friends might work too. It has for us!

CaityandBen 08-20-2009 08:43 AM

We are dying to join a community but a lot of them seem to be on the defense. We're from an incredibly small area and it's actually...really really frowned upon. Because when people hear polyamory, their first thought is polygamy!!
(well at least my mother does) the big scary polygamy!! anywho....that's not the point

So we have found MNPoly.com and we have to fill out a questionnaire to be apart of it. So, we plan to do that tonight.

and I promise our profile is as clean and fresh as possible, straying away from most sexual things. I promise the lingerie picture is not as bad as you think, like i would have sent that picture to my mother.In fact, I'm so comfortable with our ad, i'd be willing to post it right here. My mom is not a prude, btw, she just doesn't understand bisexuality nor loving more than one. But she is very supportive and normally does her own research which is so nice!

So we've done the online dating scene with AFF... I was thinking of trying those other ones mentioned above...
I'll be sure to update on the whole MNpoly.com thingy

blah, I wrote a novel...caity


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