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-   -   Hi :) (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=638)

Karelia 08-15-2009 08:36 PM

Hi :)

Hi! I'm Karelia (Kari for short). I have been married for five and a half years and with my husband over 10. We never in a million years would've considered ourselves poly.

Then in February, we met someone online and it wasn't planned... nor was it ever intended to be more than a fun online thing. But suddenly, we both developed strong feelings for her. I have been bi for as long as I've been able to remember (and long before I understood what it meant).

So, it became a more serious online thing... and in late May, she moved in with us.

I love her like crazy... but it's been a bit of a roller coaster because it unexpectedly brought up a bunch of insecurities for me. She's pretty much the only poly person I know, and I can't talk to her about a lot of it because it causes issues when I do (long story, but it makes HER insecure). I can't talk to him about certain issues (particularly sex) because he feels terribly guilty, like he's hurting me.

I always expected a little hurt... like breaking in new shoes. But I need a way to sort through it, and so I searched and here I am.

I look forward to making new friends...


PS. In case anyone is curious, we're a closed triad...

cosmicfreedom7 08-15-2009 08:56 PM

Welcome! Congratulations on being open enough to embrace all the new feelings and step into the unknown as you did. Defintely not an easy road to travel but OH so worth it.

I'm relatively new but I've seen some wonderful wise advice given here as well as support and understanding. You've come to the right place. Good luck with everything!

NeonKaos 08-15-2009 09:09 PM

You're going to be told by the folks here that in order for this to work, all three of you need to start communicating better whether everyone likes it or not.

Rarechild 08-15-2009 09:11 PM

This is a good place. Hope you like to read alot. I've noticed people on here tend to warmly and enthusiastically embrace newcomers. :)

Quath 08-15-2009 09:39 PM

I am happy you found someone. I hope you can get the communication going for all three of you. It is worth it in the long run.

Sunshinegrl 08-15-2009 09:53 PM

Welcome!! Great to meet you. I look forward to getting to Know you better!


Originally Posted by YGirl (Post 4859)
You're going to be told by the folks here that in order for this to work, all three of you need to start communicating better whether everyone likes it or not.

Ygirl has it right.. Communication..No mater how hard it is..that the most Important thing. Have a Pow wow, be honest and Open. Nothing can change if you dont.

XYZ123 08-16-2009 12:10 AM

Welcome and congratulations on finding something so naturally. And, yes, communication. :)

foxflame88 08-16-2009 03:24 PM

Congratulations on finding this new person... and i agree with others... COMMUNICATION is KEY. Even the hard topics should be adressed. Good luck.

River 08-16-2009 03:32 PM

Welcome aboard, Kari!

Communication, communication, communicatin....

But let's face it, we're not all quite sure how to discuss certain matters with our partners. Nor are we all particularly skilled in communicating about difficult matters. Oftentimes, we've never even seen others effectively communicate well about their needs, feelings, challenges, desires, fears....

Because communication requires knowledge and skill and self-awareness..., I've started this topic:


The topic has not been well used, thus far. Hopefully we can put it to better use. I bet you could get some suggestions and ideas about communication there.

ImaginaryIllusion 08-16-2009 06:13 PM

Wow...this is like the 2nd story I've read involving a unicorn trophy in almost as many days....they're going to destroy the mythos!!! :)

On a serious note, I won't belabour the communication point....everyone's got it covered. Just don't be afraid of a little tears and heartache during a ...discussion...it makes the make-up sex that much more fun... I hope that holds true for hot-makeup-threesome-sex.


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