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-   -   Newness (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6350)

fiftyonewrens 02-06-2011 02:04 AM

Newness
 
hi.
I'm new...to this board and polyamory. I've have poly folks in my life, I've never been opposed to it, but I've always been in monogamous relationships. Serial monogamy no doubt.

My current partner is not new to polyamory. She had been through a series of unsuccessful poly dynamics over the previous 4 or 5 years however, so where I've heard the NRE might wear off, we went into a monogamous relationship. That is to say, I knew she was polyamous from the beginning but we had a series of conversations where she stated matter-of-factly, she wanted a monogamous relationship. She said she didn't that was going to always been true but it was defiantly true at that moment. Somehow I found myself oblivious to the possibly that meant immediate future because shortly after the shift to monogamy, conversations about babies and weddings started happening. It never occurred to me that polyamory could even be a part of this monogamous future that would take years to build.

Flash forward about 18 months and here I am. New to a polyamory message board. My partner told me about a month ago she felt like she wasn't being true to herself. She felt like she was suffocating, and a rope was around her; she felt oppressed and as if she had no freedom to do anything, She told me these things in a desperate, tearful, voice-saying it was physically difficult to breath at times.

I love my partner. I don't want her to feel those things! So...long story short, I started reading about poly. A fact finding mission mostly. I looked at all the things on these boards, and all over the interwebs. I've read a few books now, 'Opening Up' being the one I think I liked the best.

After what feels like careful thinking, several conversations later, I've decided I think I'd like to try poly. I'm not sure what happens now but....I'm trying it I guess! Right now it just feels like I mean "Hey, partner, I don't want you to feel miserable! Please, do what you need to feel a happy full life".

I don't really know what to say from there....I'm just saying here I am, new to poly and new to this board. and glad for a thread I could say these things in.

greeneyes 02-07-2011 07:06 AM

o hai
 
Helloo. :) I am in a similar-but-different situation, and I'm also new to poly and to the boards here. My partner also posts on these boards.

Just wanted to say hello and all. So welcome!

bella123456 02-07-2011 08:41 PM

Joining the forum and chatting is a great start - The folks are all so friendly !
It's a great place for floating ideas/thoughts & feelings..

I also got a lot from reading "opening up"...and from hanging about here.
Hello & Welcome !

Ithink 02-08-2011 05:27 PM

51W,
Becoming Poly is more of a life journey or a process rather than a moment in time. The big challenge for most is a basal change in thinking that has been conditioned into us since the day we were born and those changes don't come easy or without conflicts. One of the most basic changes imho is to begin thinking in terms of "we" instead of "I" or "you".
For example:
"After what feels like careful thinking, several conversations later, I've decided I think I'd like to try poly. I'm not sure what happens now but....I'm trying it I guess! Right now it just feels like I mean "Hey, partner, I don't want you to feel miserable! Please, do what you need to feel a happy full life".

Now insert the plural instead of the singular in your above comment. There, now you have begun the Poly journey.
IThink.

MrFarFromRight 02-09-2011 03:34 PM

Hi, fiftyonewrens!
Welcome! I've just joined as well.
Once you know, once you FEEL that Love is infinite, and that by it giving to others, your partner isn't stealing any from you; once you discover that by giving it to others, YOU aren't stealing any from her, that's where you start to find the glory in polyamory. Wanting your loved one to be happy is a part of REAL Love, not the more famous cousin that wants SELF to be happy. (Well, wanting to be happy yourself is great, but as long as it's not totally selfish about it.)


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