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-   -   Where to begin... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=62511)

skr72 11-02-2013 10:32 PM

Where to begin...
Hello. I'm (we) new & I don't want to come on here and act like the newbie but I can't help it as I (we) are. This is K (the wife) and I'm not sure that the hubbie will post much here or not; had to get that part out of the way.

So, last week (told you it was new) I had the discussion with my husband that I believe I am bi-sexual. Something has been stirring inside me for awhile now (years) and only recently (like 6 months) have I realized what it was. I have a fondness of other women; you know, the way they smell, look, feel...you get it I'm sure.

Anyway, we have tried swinging and even though it was fun, it didn't work for us as we thought it was more just sex without the feelings behind it. We've talked about poly before but never went any further than a conversation. So last week we talked about it and decided we'd like to be poly.

Question: Can you just "BE" poly? Where do we start? We'd like to meet another female to add to our already loving and great marriage of 13 years and possibly another male sometime down the line. We've talked about many different scenarios...

Can someone enlighten me? I have been reading a lot on here and honestly I'm not sure where to go next and what to and not to read.

Dagferi 11-03-2013 12:08 AM

My advice get yourself your own girlfriend.

If down the line she decides to date your husband also down the line organicly then awesome.

People are not toys to be shared.

BigGuy 11-03-2013 12:55 AM

Well, in order to learn the secret handshake and get the Certificate of Authenticity, you'll have to complete the 24 week correspondence course.

Other suggested reading is typically The Ethical Slut and Opening Up. Do some Googling and you'll find a plethora of resources. Good keywords are "couple privilege" and "jealousy".

Welcome, good luck, and remember, as the saying goes, There's no one right way to do polyamory, but there are plenty of wrong ways to do it.

BakerChick 11-03-2013 01:15 AM

Not what we meant...
Dagferi, that's not what we meant by any means. We, meaning neither my husband or I would treat someone like a toy. That's not what we meant at all. Just being new to the idea as we can't say we are new to "being" polyamorous as we've not yet been in a multi-dimensional relationship we weren't sure of the do's and don'ts as there's really some odd material out there when you Google it.

Currently we hope to meet another female who can be our friend and possibly more if it happens "organically". Nothing forced or fake or just a fling. That's what our "idea" is. Whether that happens or not is another story.

Thanks for the advice on reading material...

Emm 11-03-2013 02:03 AM

The configuration you've fixed upon seems to be the most commonly sought and most commonly screwed up amongst new-to-poly couples. Try this article for some reasons why: So, somebody called you a Unicorn Hunter?.

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