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-   -   How to Seduce a Couple (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=62153)

LoveBunny 10-30-2013 12:37 PM

How to Seduce a Couple
 
So there's this lesbian couple I'm friendly with. I've known one of the women for several years, and always had a crush, but I couldn't act on it as I was practicing monogamy with my husband. She and I flirted sometimes, but I kind of avoided her even as a friend knowing I couldn't follow through with my attraction. She's been with her gf now for two years, and I like the gf tons, though I'm not so attracted to her physically I love her personality. I'm intrigued by them as a couple, they are so much in love and very adventurous and they do everything together.

So I recently "came out" to them (after they spotted me making out with a guy not my husband.) I made it clear I'm also interested in women (the woman I've known longer already knew I am bi,) but I'm having trouble finding attractive women willing to date a married woman. Cut to a party this weekend, they were sitting on a couch and the one I've known longest called me over and they pulled me onto their laps and snuggled with me and asked me a bunch of questions about what I like in bed. It was so hot, and I felt so happy and at home in their laps just watching them kiss. I tried to play it cool, but I know my body language was screaming "yes!" I felt like they were into me.

bunch of us went back to their place afterwards--nothing happened. I wouldn't have fooled around with them that night even if they'd offered, I'm not that easy ;)

I'm looking for advice. Am I reading too much into what was just a nice moment at a party, were they just being friendly or are they interested? How do I let them know I'd love to go out with them? Or have they already gleaned as much? I guess I could just ask, but the potential for rejection is too pricey. They are in my circle of friends, and I'd have to face them afterwards. I'd like to have some more face time with them and just see what happens, but I'm not sure how to do this without coming on too strong. I've never hung out with either of them one-on-one, or even just me and them. Whatever happens, I'd really like for them to think this is all their idea. I feel like the impetus is on them to come to me if they're interested--am I wrong?

Suggestions? Sure-fire pick-up lines for seducing lesbian couples?

GalaGirl 10-30-2013 12:53 PM

Quote:

I guess I could just ask, but the potential for rejection is too pricey. They are in my circle of friends, and I'd have to face them afterwards.
Why is it too pricey? Are you not comfortable processing disappointed feelings? :confused:

Could just ask and trust that your friendship with these people is solid enough to take a compliment of "I think you are awesome! I would love to date you. Would you be interested in dating me?"

Stop selling yourself and your friends short just because you fear some awkward feelings if the response is "No, thank you. Not at this time. But thanks!"

You will still be friends later even if the answer is "no."

Galagirl

Ariakas 10-31-2013 04:17 AM

The message reads pretty clear.. and going by the general feel of your post, your gut is telling you that too.

Rejection is interesting.. you will never get what you want without risk.. rejection is that risk.. the reality is they are flirty and talkative and even if you propose the idea, I doubt they plan to run away..

Lay out your hand.. :).. and enjoy the rush

LoveBunny 10-31-2013 12:42 PM

Quote:

Are you not comfortable processing disappointed feelings?
I'm oversensitive to rejection. Overall my self-esteem is healthy, but I do have moments of feeling invisible, and I don't easily shrug off rejection. I sort of think these girls are "out of my league," but then again, I often attract people "out of my league," so I've learned to ignore that idea.

Quote:

Lay out your hand.. .. and enjoy the rush
Love that. But how? Shall I wait until I see them again and see if the flirty energy is still there and then bring up the idea? I have one of their phone numbers, I've never called her before, though I have texted. I know they are busy people, they have their own business and two kids. Facebook them both? Seems too impersonal. I kind of want to ask our mutual friends if the women have said anything about me, but that feels so high school. Plus I'd be disappointed if the answer was no. I feel like they get hit on all the time, I don't want them to think of me as just another "straight" chick who hit them up. What's the etiquette here, if there is any?

GalaGirl 10-31-2013 01:19 PM

You want to know. Call or text...
"Hey. I think you are awesome. I enjoyed it the other day... could you be interested in dating more seriously? If the answer is no, please tell me gently like 'Thanks! But no thanks! Not at this time' because it was scary to even call. So go easy on me. If you need time to think it over could you tell me by ___? Thanks."
Could stop overthinking this and working yourself up.

Hopefully they answer is yes, so yay! Cupcakes for you.

If the answer is no, hopefully the response is in the way you asked for so you can digest it easily.

This is opportunity for you to learn to handle disappointment in better ways -- that you can help shape how it is served.

If you never risk it, you never experience it, so you never get good at shrugging it off.

You could risk asking and getting cupcakes and more than friendship here.

You could risk asking and getting a "good" disappointing experience and continuing friendship with these people.

Either way -- win for you. ;)

Galagirl

Magdlyn 10-31-2013 01:37 PM

I don't understand why you want to "date" (fuck?) both of them if you're only attracted to one of them sexually. Dating a couple is loaded with landmines.

Do you fear since they "do everything together" they'd only date you as a unit also? But wouldn't the one you aren't attracted to sense the disparity of your interest? How would this all play out, in your mind? Do you imagine 3way sex where you only touch the one you lust after? Why not one on one sex?

Before you make any moves, ask yourself why you want to date THEM and not just the one you really want. You could have the one you really want as a gf, and her wife/partner as a metamour/friend. 3way sex is not the only way to go... and might feel hypocritical, if you're just doing one girl to get at the other one...

LoveBunny 10-31-2013 06:46 PM

Quote:

I don't understand why you want to "date" (fuck?) both of them if you're only attracted to one of them sexually. Dating a couple is loaded with landmines.
I'm not out to "fuck" anybody. I want to get to know them in a romantic/sexual way and see what happens. Isn't that what "dating" is? I've been with couples before (always as the "unicorn") and understand how difficult it can be. I do not think these women would accept me dating just one, I think it would have to be both of them, and together, at least at first, which is fine with me, as long as they don't make me feel like I'm just a sextoy to liven up their relationship. The woman I'm not as sexually attracted to is the one I feel the most emotional connection with. I like her, and if we were both single and she asked me out I'd totally say yes. Just because she's not the type I'm automatically hot for (and her gf is) doesn't mean the attraction can't grow. I would never consider sleeping with someone just to get to their significant other. If I didn't like them both, I would toss this whole idea out of my mind.

I'm intrigued by them as a couple and would love to join them sometimes in the world, and in the bedroom. I have a husband, so I'm not looking for a three-way partnership with them. I would do my best to treat them both equally, and if down the road an imbalance of attraction caused issues, we'd have to revisit. But right now I just want to go out on a date with them!! I don't want to sit here thinking of every possible permutation or thing that can go wrong, because lord knows a lot can go wrong. But that's true in any relationship, isn't it?

peabean 11-01-2013 01:23 AM

Yes, I think you have it right. I would just ask them. Take your time, go out with them, it's not about just fucking them. From the way you describe them, I don't think they would be interested in just one of them dating you either.

Just approach them in an honest way. They've probably discussed the prospect of being with you, even if it was just theoretical in their minds at this point.

london 11-01-2013 04:25 AM

Quote:

Whatever happens, I'd really likefor them to think this is all their idea. I feel like the impetus is on them to come to me if they're interested--am I wrong?
Why? So if it goes pear shaped, you can blame them? Why do you feel its their job to approach you? I think you're.wrong about that.

LoveBunny 11-01-2013 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by london (Post 244112)
Why? So if it goes pear shaped, you can blame them? Why do you feel its their job to approach you? I think you're.wrong about that.

I don't know why I think that. I guess I'm used to being the pursued not the pursuer. I figure if they get rejected by me, they have each other for comfort, and also they are just more outgoing people, I'm kind of shy. But yes, I see the folly in that thinking.


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