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-   -   Very Lost (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=62122)

AllDayEveryDay 10-30-2013 04:07 AM

Very Lost
 
The man I am interested in is Poly. I, myself don't identify just yet.

Recently things have been sort of rocky with us, now he has a new girl. I love him to pieces, but with everything being so rocky with us, this new girl is a bit of a shock to my system.

I want him to be happy. I don't wish anything ill on them at all. I guess I am just having a lot of trouble with it and I don't entirely know how to handle it.

bookbug 10-30-2013 11:21 AM

I am sorry. Relationship issues are tough no matter whether they occur in a monogamous or non-monogamous configuration.

Are the issues between you due to the fact that he is poly, and as of yet, you are not? Or something else with new poly dynamic added?

Magdlyn 10-30-2013 12:02 PM

What, specifically, bothers you about him seeing someone new? How long have you been with your guy? Are you jealous? Is he all twitterpated and paying her too much attention? Is he seeing you less? Is he spending YOUR dates texting her? It's boundaries time. What would help you to feel more secure?

GalaGirl 10-30-2013 01:00 PM

Handle WHAT?
  • Your emotions?
  • The rocky problems?
  • Were you both dating each other exclusively and he broke that agreement by dating this new person?

I'm not clear on what's going on but I am very sorry you hurt. :(

Galagirl

AllDayEveryDay 10-30-2013 08:20 PM

Things have gone pretty fast for us. We have known each other for around 2 months, though "I love you", "I am in love with you" has been thrown around a lot.
He only just started dating her and I might just be over thinking it. They haven't had sex yet, but she stayed the night on their first date, and now he is spending Halloween with her. Granted Halloween was up in the air for us and we didn't think we were going to be spending it together, I still feel a bit left out of the picture.
I get to see him this Friday and I am hoping that things haven't changed between us.
I have the confidence that I give him things that, to be honest, she may not be able to.

In the beginning I had been under the impression that we would have the chance to get comfortable with each other first and then introduce others. I thought that he understood that since this is my first poly relationship, that I needed him to give me some time...
He went on one date a few weeks back, with a girl he had been best friends with for forever, but it didn't pan out. I was even able to talk to her and it made me feel much better about the entire thing. Though with this new girl, I don't know if he is comfortable with me talking to her. I would love to hear from her, so that I know more about her. Right now, in my mind, she is essentially a living replica of a brunette Barbie...

AllDayEveryDay 10-30-2013 08:36 PM

Epiphany
 
I think I might feel left out.
She is REALLY cute and I don't say that about many women...
I don't think I am jealous of her, I think I am jealous of Teel.
I want to kiss her. *pout*

GalaGirl 10-30-2013 10:21 PM

Quote:

In the beginning I had been under the impression that we would have the chance to get comfortable with each other first and then introduce others. I thought that he understood that since this is my first poly relationship, that I needed him to give me some time...
Could talk about that and reaffirm that this is so then. You are only 2 months into dating each other so still sorting out the boundaries. Could go ahead and sort then.

Quote:

He went on one date a few weeks back, with a girl he had been best friends with for forever, but it didn't pan out. I was even able to talk to her and it made me feel much better about the entire thing.
And this. Sounds like you want to be able to talk to your potential metamour people to demystify them.

Galagirl

AllDayEveryDay 10-30-2013 10:55 PM

I would love to talk to her, but since this is all so new, I think I may give him some time to demystify her as well.

Apparently she is also very picky, so who even knows if I am her type?

GalaGirl 10-30-2013 11:10 PM

I meant talk to her as your metamour that HE is dating. So you can feel emotionally safe he's not out with a nutjob.

Not as her being your own dating potential. If you are coveting the dating experience he is building with her, that is envy. Wanting what he has for yourself.

Going for the same people he is dating ADDS or TAKES AWAY from the rocky problems between you? I would think it would ADD, so she's just automatically on your "do not approach" list for the sake of the relationship you are building with him at this point. It seems too new to be having the same dating partners when you don't know how (you + him) work yet.

I don't know if either of these could help you:


Labriola jealousy

Wagner Jealously

Galagirl

AllDayEveryDay 10-31-2013 01:06 AM

Those helped a lot actually. Thank you.


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