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-   -   Soul Mate(s) (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=621)

vandalin 08-10-2009 06:12 AM

Soul Mate(s)
 
So I was having thoughts recently about the idea of soul mates. Some questions came to mind and I thought I'd put them to you folks and try to answer and gather my own ideas on the matter.

1. What is a soul mate?
2. Does being poly mean that there are no soul mates or does it just alter the definition as we alter the definition of relationships?
3. Are we limited to only one soul mate?
4. Does a soul mate have to be romantic/sexual or can it be platonic?

I think I'll wait to put my $.02 up until some others have commented. I'm still trying to figure out what I truly think after all.

Ricavaler 08-10-2009 07:31 AM

I do believe in soul mates.
I believe we have more than one soul mate.
And I believe they can be anyone, not strictly sexual/intimate connections.

foxflame88 08-10-2009 04:35 PM

I do think we all have soul mates. I have found two in my life thus far.

MonoVCPHG 08-10-2009 05:33 PM

For me, knowing someone is a soul mate is the sense that your connection is without beginning; like you have always known and loved the person. I feel this with Redpepper. It is freeing because it gives the sense that no matter what the shape or expression our connection takes, I truly believe we will always be in each other's lives. I can not ask for anything more than that!

I believe it is possible to have multiple soul mates. I just don't have them simultaneously:D

XYZ123 08-10-2009 06:20 PM

I believe in soul mates. To me, a soul mate is someone who touches your life in a positive way and "completes" something inside you so well that their influence is always there, even if they are not. I'm having a hard time wording this. But I don't think there needs to be any specific relationship to a soul mate. I believe my husband is a soul mate, as well as my son, as well as a friend I had long ago that I haven't seen in years. Their influence and love is always there inside of me. So, yes, I believe in multiple soul mates.

Quath 08-11-2009 12:32 AM

I remember when I was young I hated the idea of soul mates. I think it was because if there is a perfect person for me, the odds are that she is nowhere near me. That was depressing that I would need to look through a few billion to find the right one. And how would I know? I could easily pass her by. Or maybe she would be perfect for me when I was young, but not so great when I am older...

So I tend to think that there are many people I am compatible with. Of them many will make my life better and happier. So that is where I aim. :)

vandalin 08-11-2009 01:37 AM

Ok, here are some of my thoughts on the matter...

1. I have to agree with what XYZ said a soul mate is, someone who touches your life and makes you feel complete in some way and also with Mono about how you feel like you have always known and loved this person. To me, a soul mate is a person so special that you cannot imagine your life without them in it.

2. I think being poly has opened my definition of soul mate as it has relationships. For a long time I believed in the fairy tale version of soul mate, that one person you are meant to be married to...kinda like what Quath was saying.

3. I don't think we are limited to only one soul mate. I am reminded of a scene in Ever After where the Prince is talking to Leonardo and asking him about his "match". What if's abound from, what if she is struck by lightning, is that the only chance at happiness or could there be a second? What if they were both walking side by side and you just happen to meet one before the other...etc. So if we are not limited to the number of soul mates we may find in life, that leads me to the answer for #4

4. No, soul mates do not have to be romantic or sexual. Again the fairy tale idea is that soul mates are supposed to be marriage mates as well. Maybe that is the case but if you meet two different soul mates and end up in a relationship with one (say you are mono) does that mean you have to completely ignore the relationship with the second? I feel that a person can be a platonic soul mate, although sometimes I wonder if it is supposed to be platonic or if it is made/chosen to be platonic due to circumstances.

I'm sure some of you may see where this is coming from and going, perceptive people that you are. ;) I believe that I have found two soul mates, one that I am married to and one that will have to remain "just friends" but although I love them both in two completely different ways romantically, I do not want to imagine my life without either of them in it.

So there is my $.02 for now. This can always change and morph into other ideas. ;) So anyone else care to contribute their ideas?

Barry 08-11-2009 08:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vandalin (Post 4609)
3. Are we limited to only one soul mate?
4. Does a soul mate have to be romantic/sexual or can it be platonic?

I'd like to tag onto what XYZ123 said in reply.

Quote:

Originally Posted by XYZ123 (Post 4647)
I believe in soul mates. To me, a soul mate is someone who touches your life in a positive way and "completes" something inside you so well that their influence is always there, even if they are not. I'm having a hard time wording this. But I don't think there needs to be any specific relationship to a soul mate. I believe my husband is a soul mate, as well as my son, as well as a friend I had long ago that I haven't seen in years. Their influence and love is always there inside of me. So, yes, I believe in multiple soul mates.

I also believe in soul mates within a variety of different types of relationships. My daughter is a soul mate. And there are "soul mates" as far back as the eighth grade that are physically no longer in my life, but I think of them often, and at the risk of sounding strange, feel them in my soul, as though there is an active communication.

Barry

redsirenn 08-12-2009 07:17 PM

yes - I have found several soul mates as well. I used to say that I don't believe in soul mates, because my definition of love is not all butterflies and NRE... I think of it as decisions, choice, and action.

My best friend is my soul mate. We know we are to each other. She is female, the relationship is platonic. I have known her for 20 years and although we have lived 3000 miles away from each other for most of that time, we are emotionally inseparable. We both feel very lucky to have each other. If I ever want to have a child, she would be my surrogate.

My father is also a soul mate. We are best friends and understand each other on a very deep level.

There are others too... So, I guess I would base it on several things - circumstance- for one, timing, a connection stronger than distance or time... Ease of communication, understanding, and love. Unfortunately my husband was not one of them...

However, I am one of the fortunate people to have many, many very close friends. There are several out there that I would die for... completely genuine and loving people that would do the same for me. The fact that this is not so common is one of the things that got me thinking about polyamory, in fact.

Thanks Vandalin for bringing this topic up. Thinking about these friends makes me feel very warm and loved.

aussielover 08-12-2009 10:00 PM

I do believe in soul mates. Again like many of you I don't think there is necesarily just one out there for everyone. There are a few people I feel like I've known for forever even when I first meet them. I have a couple in my life right now. One of which is my bf who lives about 3000 miles away and we've never met in person but have an incredable friendship.


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