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aussielover 08-09-2009 10:17 PM

Need help
Ok, so as you know I'm seperating from my ex atm. She is still living here until sat. then she's leaving.
There has been a lot of bad blood as she sees my leaving her for sg & ab, which is NOT the case. Sg told a 'friend' about our situation, as I outlined somewhere else on here, can't remember where. She is nothing but a bitch and has tried to cause problems for us. Recently she contacted my ex, and now they're talking.
This morning I was bad. She left her computer unattended and I snooped. I found msn chat logs between these two and sent a copy to myself.

Upon reading them, I find both of them talking shit about both me and Sg, another friend, and our relationship. There were talks about reporting me to the Australian government, immigration... I am not a threat to the country, but this could cause me problems trying to get there. Hassles more than anything.
Also, I come to read, that she was planning on writing a letter to my parents basically 'outing' me. Now I fully intended on telling them in a few months once things settled down. It's not her place to tell them.... Near the end of the chat log, I read that she has ALREADY called my father and told him. This would have been wednesday, now my parents left thursday morning to go to a family reunion, so i can't get in contact with them. I don't know if she was just saying this to that woman or if it was true, and now I'm freaking out because I'm relying on them to help me get there, and if she's told them, I may be fucked.

I'm afraid to tell her I've found these logs, afraid to confront her because she has been violent in the past, and who knows what other problems she could cause for me.

I dont know what to do! I'm freaking out and I sent the logs to Sg and she's fuming as well... What should I do when I'm afraid for my saftey and my future? I would say try to keep my mouth shut but I need to know if my parents know for sure so I can try to repair any damage she may have done!!


DestinyWaits 08-10-2009 01:20 AM

oh, honey, this isn't good but not something that can't be fixed. All you have to do is tell your parents the truth or as much of it as you see fit (I wouldn't lie but do they really have to know the whole truth?). Just explain to them if your ex did say anything that she is just upset with you and trying to find ways to keep you here and tell your parents that she is trying to control you and this is one of the reasons you want out of the relationship with her because she is mentally abusive to you. Don't freak out too bad or she will win. stay calm and use your head.

aussielover 08-10-2009 01:33 AM

They already KNOW she's been emotionally abusive.
*sigh* I had a bit of a talk with her and told her I had a bad 'feeling' about some things... Like intuition. She swears she hasn't told them anything and would never call immigration on me. She was crying too and she looked sincere, so I don't know what to think now.
I don't know if she was just trying to show off to this bitch or what. *sigh* I guess I'll know for sure when my parents come home. I'm not going to lie to them, but I should be the one to be telling them, not her. *sigh* I dunno.
Thanks for your reply btw Destiny

Sunshinegrl 08-10-2009 04:09 AM

Im fuming..thats an understatement I was shaking so bad. Sitting pretty for the moment. Safest thing For you If we do.

foxflame88 08-10-2009 04:11 AM

What an awful position to be in... and even more awful that she is creating trouble for you. ((hugs)) I think Destiny had some good advice. Good luck and be strong. Don't let her get the better of you.

ThirdWheel 08-10-2009 04:58 AM

Holy Cow!
Just get away from the psycho. If she's out on Saturday, go stay with a friend, take anything of value you have and put it in your car and go to a hotel if you have to.

I've dated women like this before and you just don't know what is truth, what is just talk, and what they will or won't do. You say she's been emitionally and physically abusive in the past, so just get away now and make this psycho part of your past right now.

Once she's gone, break all contact. Don't give her the time of day. Don't try any retribution to "get back" at her. Nut jobs like that will just view that as you wanting them back in the picture. Ignore them completely.

I'm willing to bet that anything she might tell the Austrailian Immigration beaurocacy will just be swallowed up in the black-hole of beaurocacy. If you really think that she might actually do that, contact them yourself and tell them you are planning to move there on the work study program and a jealous friend has threatened to mess it up. Get your side of the story to them first.

Good luck to you and remember these types thrive on conflict, don't give her any.

Sunshinegrl 08-10-2009 05:11 AM

Unfortunately there is NOWHERE She can go ..which is why she is still living in the same house. Counting down till she will be gopne and She will be safe. This has gotten beyond a joke and Its killing us to be so far away. I feel so fucking helpless.

ThirdWheel 08-10-2009 12:38 PM


Originally Posted by Sunshinegrl (Post 4607)
Unfortunately there is NOWHERE She can go ..which is why she is still living in the same house. Counting down till she will be gopne and She will be safe. This has gotten beyond a joke and Its killing us to be so far away. I feel so fucking helpless.

Even a cheap motel would be better than being around this crazy person.

If it's a mater of money, for her, can't you just wire her the few of hundred it would take? being away from this nut job is the only safe thing to do.

Ceoli 08-10-2009 12:43 PM


Originally Posted by Sunshinegrl (Post 4607)
Unfortunately there is NOWHERE She can go ..which is why she is still living in the same house. Counting down till she will be gopne and She will be safe. This has gotten beyond a joke and Its killing us to be so far away. I feel so fucking helpless.

When there's nowhere else to go, there are always women's shelters. If your safety is at all compromised, I would recommend going to one for the week.



One thing for certain, you cannot trust this person or trust anything she tells you. Whether she is lying to you or your friend, she is clearly not telling the truth to somebody, which pretty much invalidates everything she says.

I would recommend cutting off contact as much as you reasonably can given the circumstances. If you must remain in contact, then just stick with the logistics of your situation- the arrangements of moving, what stuff goes where, etc. Don't get into any emotional stuff. Apologies, blaming, denying justifying or anything else having to do with what happened is now irrelevant. Your relationship with her is over. Any emotions you're still dealing with about that are yours to deal with, not to be shared with her, but with your other loves who will support you. And whatever happens between you and your parents has nothing to do with her anymore.

If she is emotionally abusive, she will most likely attempt to maintain control by keeping hold of your emotions. Your emotions are yours, not hers. Feel them, indulge them, deal with them in any space you can that has no attachment to her.

Good luck getting through the week!

aussielover 08-10-2009 01:13 PM

We had a pretty long chat about things last night, as the power went out, and didn't really have a choice. She's instistant she hasn't told them, which will be easy to prove as soon as they return from their trip I suppose, it's not like she can get away with that lie for long if she is.

Also, she's said from the beginning she wants to remain friends after. For now I'm letting her delude herself into thinking this could happen, and she's said 'if she wants to be friends why would she do something like that'
I'm REALLY hoping she was just saying what this woman wanted to hear. I'm not believing anything she says, but unfortunately there's things that have to be done at the house as she's gone in a week and me in three.

I'm trying to keep my emotions under check and not push her. Things seemed to have calmed down between the two of us since I told her about my 'feelings' of being fucked over. I guess I'll just have to wait it out and see. She seemed sincere last night and actually looked hurt that I said those things (although she obviously at the very least thought about them, and put a LOT of thought into them at that).

Ooh, and also, not as serious but still not good none the less, my connection has been dropping out for weeks, and Sg, Ab and me all knew she was doing something. In the logs she says that for fun she was booting me off the connection. Anytime I accused her of it she'd yell *roll eyes*

Also she said some very harsh things about Sg's best friend. Things that would hurt her very deeply and were just not nice at all.

*sigh* I guess at this point I'm just waiting it out and hoping nothing happens. Hoping that she was just saying what this bitch wanted to hear.

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