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-   -   quiestion (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=619)

DBSU 08-09-2009 09:41 PM

quiestion
 
Hi. Im new to this. I probibly wouldnt have really looked into it if i hadnt met the people i did. They have known each other for about 2? years and they live together. Because of school i cannot currently move in, however i try to visit whenever i can. Before i met them i wasnt what you would call a sharer. In reality i pushed most emotion down. After some time i have started to share though and it seems like all thease emotions have come up. And while they were supportive at first now it just seems to annoy them and make them think that i am going to leave (which i have no plans on doing). I feel like if i share it makes them feel bad which makes me feel bad. and if i dont i just get this build up till i explode. Not to mention i feel like im in the way when i am there (my own issues they try to include me but even watching videos i feel like im going to ruin their time together.) I just feel sometimes like they convinced me to let all thease emotions out and now dont want to deal with the fact i dont really know how to deal with them. Any advice on this would be great, thanks!!

WaywardDruid 08-09-2009 10:18 PM

Hmmmm
 
Hello.

I've read this several times and I'm still not sure how to answer you as I'm not sure what the question is or what your situation is?

Quote:

They have known each other for about 2? years and they live together.
Man & Woman - Woman & Woman - Man & Man

And are you male or female?(opps checked your profile you are female)

Are you entering into their relationship as in love with both - In love with one ?

Quote:

I just feel sometimes like they convinced me to let all thease emotions out and now dont want to deal with the fact i dont really know how to deal with them.
What emotions are we talking about - Jealousy Hate Love Fear Envy ?

A bit of clarification might be in order ?

Just Me,
Tim

DBSU 08-10-2009 01:39 AM

oops
 
sorry that is what i get for typing too quickly. They are a man and a woman. And i am a woman. And by emotions i pretty much mean most strong emotion. Pretty much everything got repressed unless it was happiness. so i guess my general question is how do i deal with feeling like i will get in the way? sorry i was a tad bit upset when i first wrote it.

Quath 08-10-2009 02:46 AM

Why do you feel like you are in the way? Are they saying something or is it body language or is it self doubt?

Were your emotions repressed from other people you were with or did you repress your own emotions?

Maybe you can give an example of an emotion you are having a hard time dealing with.

DBSU 08-10-2009 03:21 AM

thanks
 
thank you for writing back. I mostly feel in the way i think in part because they do live together and have the little things they do every day and feel that i would be butting in. So it is mostly self doubt.

I repressed my own emotions since i can remember (im 20 so it isnt like i know everything.) However sharing wasn't exactly encouraged in my family.

The main emotion that is causing problems is the loneliness and the feeling that i will get in the way. though sometimes i do occasionally lose my temper (i think that is mainly stress from the other two). Also i do have some trust issues and while i do want to trust them and think they deserve it, i just cant seem to make it happen. and that really bothers me

Quath 08-10-2009 01:40 PM

I think for the self doubt, you can tell them you have some doubts. However, realize that they want to be with you. So if you worried you are butting in, then tell them that they must tell you if they want to do something just between the two of them. That way, when they don't say they want that time for just them, it means they want to be with you. For that to work, they have to feel comfortable saying it and you have to handle it well. But in the end, you will know that the time you have with them is time they want with you.

Temper is a tough one. You have to learn the art of having the feeling but directing it from being self destructive. This is very individualistic. Many ways of dealing with it is to take a little break and let the hormones settle down some. Talk a little walk or count to ten.

Also try to be aware if you are using anger to hide other emotions like wanting to cry or feeling vunerable.

I wish you well.

redpepper 08-10-2009 05:52 PM

It's totally normal to feel the way you do. I'm sure we have all been there. Poly brings out all kinds of intense emotions so try and go with the flow and not be over whelmed by them. Try to be curious about them instead and view them from outside of your body as much as you can. It takes some quick thinking and practice. Especially around anger! I'm a red head and a very stereotypical one at that! Anger is the biggest hurdle for me, as is my need to feel wanted. Rationalize rationalize rationalize and a whole lot of quick self talk to tell myself its not all about me and I am always wanted and loved. Keep talking and being honest with them and encourage them to do the same. That is all you can do really. If it doesn't work out it has nothing to do with you that way, just wasn't meant to be and you can move on having learned a whole lot about yourself. If it does work out you are in for a whole world of love and support.


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