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-   -   Guilt! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=604)

redpepper 08-06-2009 07:52 AM

Guilt!
 
Does anyone ever have any guilt about their poly happiness, whether it be over wanting a partner more sometimes than the other, about being so content with their situation, about not having the same amount of time as you once had for other people in your life,....Anything really,,,, anyone?

DestinyWaits 08-06-2009 09:48 AM

I unfortunately can't answer this one well, I don't do the guilt thing as my mother raised me never to feel guilty over something that makes me happy just to learn from any mistakes that happen, if any do, and try not to make the same mistakes over again. (I'm hoping that didn't sound snooty :rolleyes: )

Sunshinegrl 08-06-2009 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redpepper (Post 4254)
Does anyone ever have any guilt about their poly happiness, whether it be over wanting a partner more sometimes than the other, about being so content with their situation, about not having the same amount of time as you once had for other people in your life,....Anything really,,,, anyone?


I cant say that I do right now. But Im not "living my poly happiness" as such yet.

Ask me again in 6 months. ;)

AutumnalTone 08-06-2009 07:25 PM

No.

XYZ123 08-06-2009 07:29 PM

I did in the V. At first. At the end I mourned openly and let my hubby hold me while I cried, guilt free. I'd probably feel guilty for something or other should a new relationship start. But I'm sure I'd work through it.

(Redpepper what are you avoiding doing today? I see alot of posts by you. I tend to post alot when avoiding chores. lol ;) )

MonoVCPHG 08-06-2009 09:52 PM

MY guilt resides in how happy and secure I am within our relationship. As I get more comfortable and secure I get hit by waves of feeling I am taking away something from your husband. Seeing you both together and spending time as a group sedates this feeling. Our group "family" time is very important to my feeling like a positive.

I also experience guilt in my not being open to you exploring intimate relationships with other men even though this is currently not an issue. I'm not talking deep friendships, which we both know is an issue within the traditionally mono world, but sexual relationships. To ease this I focus on the level of commitment I am offering over the long haul. I also remind myself that I am not asking you to become monogamous by any means, but am asking you to be polyfidelous within our life with regards to your men. We don't know what will happen in the future or how we will each change, but as it is now, this is what I need to be healthy and move forward so I am willing to suffer a little guilt in this area:)

redpepper 08-07-2009 04:34 AM

I feel some guilt when people are jealous of what I have. I'm not sure why that is as I have worked damned hard and am a really good judge of character when picking people to be in my life.

I feel guilt that my parents don't know as I know they suspect something. I am torturing them I think. I'm sure they think that I am having an affair and that Mono is around because he wants to take me away from my family.

I feel guilty that I am so in love with Mono some days that I just want to be with him and don't want to go home.

I feel guilty that I am so in love with my husband some days and don't want to leave the house.

I feel guilty that I even think that I can add anyone else to my crazy life and that I will still have time for the ones I hold near and dear right now. They will all have to adjust for me... I hate that.

I feel guilty that I am too busy to clean the house so my husband does it.

I feel guilty that I have little time for my art.

Shall I go on.

I grew up in a family with a mother that martyred herself. She felt a lot of guilt and has nicely passed it on to me... thanks Mom!

MonoVCPHG 08-07-2009 04:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redpepper (Post 4441)
I feel guilty that I am so in love with my husband some days and don't want to leave the house.

I feel guilty that I even think that I can add anyone else to my crazy life and that I will still have time for the ones I hold near and dear right now. They will all have to adjust for me... I hate that.

Never feel guilty for being so in love with your husband..ever.

No one has to do anything for anyone...this is a relationship, not a trap. We will all do what it takes to be healthy regardless of the adaptations to our relationship. The key is maintaining a healthy connection in whatever form the relationship takes over time.

Ceoli 08-07-2009 05:01 AM

No guilt here, but then again, that "poly happiness" remains elusive.

MonoVCPHG 08-07-2009 05:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ceoli (Post 4447)
"poly happiness" remains elusive.

I don't have it either honestly. Poly doesn't make me happy, my relationship with Redpepper and her family does. Poly is simply is an enabler for me; one that has taught me a lot and gives me the opportunity to love an amazing woman and her family.


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