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-   -   Polyamory and asexuality (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=603)

redpepper 08-06-2009 07:50 AM

Polyamory and asexuality
 
Is it possible for polyamory to fit a group of people who love each other and don't have sex with each other, or at all with anyone for that matter.... a kind of asexual poly family?

Quath 08-06-2009 01:27 PM

I think so. Sex can be an expression of love, but I don't think it is a requirement.

XYZ123 08-06-2009 07:34 PM

I've already said I went through times of asexuality yet still had deep emotional and physically intimate (non-sexual) relationships. And I was willing to have sex with my partner(s) if they wanted it as a way to make them happy and fulfilled though I had no desire nor sex drive. I wouldn't have done that with "just friends". So I'd say absolutely.

MonoVCPHG 08-06-2009 08:48 PM

I'm having difficulty in not sitting on the fence with this one. To me deep friendships without intimacy are just "friendships". The move into sexually intimate activities as simple as holding hands and kissing is what pushes the friendship into the realm of polyamory for me. And yet I can totally see how age or medical conditions could prevent sexual contact beyond that...hmmm good question! In the case of old age perhaps holding hands is the extent of capabilities from an intimate perspective, but the love and intent would still be there....processing...processing.

River 08-06-2009 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG (Post 4376)
To me deep friendships without intimacy are completely are just "friendships".

There are no deep friendships which aren't intimate, Mono-, though many deep friendships don't include sexual intimacy. Intimacy can be intelletual, emotional, physical (though non-sexual), sexual, etc. The word "intimate" is not synonymous with sexual intimacy.

And some non-sexual friendships can be VERY passionate, with profound love.

Sorry to blur some familiar modes of making distainctions, here. But all of this is factual info.

And it reminds me... I'd like a couple of snuggle partner cuddly friends with whom I am NOT sexually involved. I don't have ANY of these!:(

MonoVCPHG 08-06-2009 09:15 PM

It's a matter of how each person defines intimate. I define it with sexuality so for me there are lots of friendships without intimacy...in fact every one I have accept that with Redpepper is in my definition, not intimate. But it's just a word my friend:)

Ricavaler 08-06-2009 09:26 PM

This is something that's been on my mind for a little too.
I think if the connection to the other person is good, even without a physical aspect, a relationship could work.

XYZ123 08-06-2009 09:32 PM

Mono- I think you and I are talking different types of asexuality. Even during my asexual moods, I still enjoyed and wanted the affection, cuddling, kissing, etc. Just not the step further into sexual intimacy. Kinda like "hug and kiss me all you like and I'll eat it up, but my vagina neither needs nor wants your attention tyvm".

JRiver- I'm lacking cuddly friendships myself. I had soooo many when I was younger. But we all grew up and that innocent affection seems to have fallen away with time. :( I miss it more than I miss having a female partner many days.

River 08-06-2009 09:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG (Post 4381)
It's a matter of how each person defines intimate.

While I often make idiosyncratic use of words, I do so with a particular intent, and with full knowledge that words don't simply mean whatever we choose them to mean, willy nilly. If we use "left" to mean "right" and right to mean "left", and mix up North, South, East and West, we're likely to be running into difficulty being understood.

Most dictionaries favor a sense of the word "intimate" which includes non-sexual kinds of intimacy, such as "deep friendship," and that's good enough for me. And it's important to honor these non-sexual usages of the term, because there's a heap of difference between a casual "buddy" and a truly intimate friend.

MonoVCPHG 08-06-2009 09:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JRiverMartin (Post 4384)
While I often make idiosyncratic use of words, I do so with a particular intent, and with full knowledge that words don't simply mean whatever we choose them to mean, willy nilly. .

In an environment where the word polyamory is used so broadly, we will just have to agree to disagree on the point of dictionary definitions lol!


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