Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   General Poly Discussions (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=2)
-   -   i got an issue (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=5958)

gemini 01-26-2011 12:52 PM

i got an issue
 
bit of back story. married to my wife. wife and i found a girlfriend. we knew her for several months before anything physical happened betweem the three of us. she had just broken up with her boy friend before anything happened. about six months later she began cheating on us with a co-worker. very ugly break up and we parted ways.

about a year after that, we began talking online as friends again. she had a new friend with benifits and we weren't interested in any of that so we stayed freinds. she got over him and again, several months later, we found our selves falling for each other again. come jan 1, we are physical again. first time in over a year and a half. going slowily and trying to build a healthy trusting relationship.

i find out today, that she is talking to a "boyfriend" that she had while we were apart. she said she fell hard for this guy and the she knew she shouldn't have because he was a peice of shit. her words, not mine.

should i feel uneasy? i am trying to let her make own decisions so the outcome is her own, but damn this has me a bit twisted. why get in contact with someone that you once "loved", when you are dating someone now?

Quath 01-26-2011 02:28 PM

If she knows the guy is a piece of shit and wants to hang out with him, then there is a good chance she is not fully over him. However, this is her decision. Hopefully, she will be honest this time with whatever she decides. Dishonesty does not mix well with polyamory.

gemini 01-26-2011 02:46 PM

as far as i know she has only texted him. they use to work together. i don't know what they were talking about yesterday. i hope it was about her work because she had a really bad day at work yesterday.

MonoVCPHG 01-26-2011 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gemini (Post 63333)
why get in contact with someone that you once "loved", when you are dating someone now?


Because she is poly I would think. Maybe not ethical poly but open to other relationships and love poly at least.

NeonKaos 01-26-2011 03:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gemini (Post 63333)
why get in contact with someone that you once "loved", when you are dating someone now?

What kind of question is this? Do you not know what "polyamory" means, or are you trying to be funny?

GroundedSpirit 01-26-2011 03:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeonKaos (Post 63357)
What kind of question is this? Do you not know what "polyamory" means, or are you trying to be funny?

Second this.....
Wrong forum ??
Something wrong with this whole post....

GS

gemini 01-26-2011 06:05 PM

my wife and i seek out a triad relationship with her. would this be the wrong forum for that?

Vivien 01-26-2011 06:10 PM

It sounds like you and your wife want a closed relationship with your girlfriend (i.e. none of you will pursue or be open to other relationships). Is this correct? If so, does your girlfriend know this is what you want? If so, do you think it's what she wants, too? I'm just trying to get more detail about the situation.

gemini 01-26-2011 06:13 PM

yes, we want a closed triad. yes she knows. yes she says that is wants to. alot of the time lately, it feels like that is what she wants. this texting with "ex" just seems to bug me.

NeonKaos 01-26-2011 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gemini (Post 63382)
my wife and i seek out a triad relationship with her. would this be the wrong forum for that?


Not at all. But I don't recall you saying that before.

Does SHE know that's what you and your wife want? and does she want that too? I'm assuming you mean a closed, poly-fidelitous triad, where no one is supposed to have a relationship outside of the three of you?

That's all super-grooovy 'n' shit, but

1) You need to DISCUSS THAT, and

2) Everyone needs to AGREE TO THAT

3) If you've DONE 1 and 2 and someone still wants to have other romantic/sexual/intimate relationships outside of the triad, then it's NOT GONNA WORK.

4) If 3 = "true", then:

5) Re-evaluate your expectations, OR

6) Find someone else with whom to form your triad.

<end script>

Good luck.


All times are GMT. The time now is 01:54 PM.