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-   -   How to describe this (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=583)

Twinkle 08-02-2009 08:39 PM

How to describe this
I am pretty new to this lifestyle and really am a bit niave to the terminalogy. My husband and I tried "swinging" for a few years and found it a bit unfulfilling. Both of us are naturally in need of emotional connection in order to enjoy physical connection and found it may be more suitable to have separate one on one relationships as neither of us are interested in same-sex relationships. In all of the reseach that I have done on this, it seems to me that people typically consider

Poly - all people involved love eachother
Open Marriage - more typically considered as sexually only (or swingers that "play alone")

Since neither of those apply to me, I hope to find someone to be close to me with intimacy as a possibility, but it seems that people get so confused no matter how I try to describe it. They either think I just want to be only freinds or I just want only sex. Surely my situation can't be so unique that no one can even understand. Any advice in how to keep potential freinds in understanding this would be appreciated.

AutumnalTone 08-02-2009 08:48 PM

What you describe is poly. Poly does not require that everybody love each other. Take, for example, tangles of three persons. Those can be triads, where each person is involved with both of the other two. Those can also be vees, where one person is involved with each of the other two and those two are not involved with each other.

If you are involved with more than one person romantically, that is poly. Your husband doesn't have to be involved with any of your other partners for it to be so. Nor would you have to be involved with any of his other partners for it to be poly.

XYZ123 08-03-2009 12:35 AM

Yup. That's what I'd call poly. I find that for many, the others know of and possibly are friendly with eachother, but it isn't necessary. If you're looking for an emotional relationship and not just the sex, I'd consider you poly.

redpepper 08-03-2009 03:17 PM

perhaps you are thinking of an "intimate friends" situation.... or "friends with benefits?"

Macbeth 08-15-2009 03:15 AM

We're in the same boat, and definitely do no view ourselves as swingers. We started exploring our thinking at a swingers board, and found that the completely sexual focus left us a little cold.

For us, we view our marriage of 15 years as the primary relationship in our lives, and with all the shared experiences and love involved, nothing could ever replace it.

We're not looking to add anyone to our family, or find another 'spouse', but we feel that we want to allow our relationships with others to grow and expand without the limitations normally applied. If that means good friends with someone of either gender, great (which we have anyway), but if it means that we want to express those relationships sexually, that's great too. We don't want to limit our love, or repress our emotions, or deny the natural expressions of love we may have for other people.

And, to be completely honest, we're also curious what it might be like to have sex with someone else. We're just not entirely comfortable doing so in a sleazy, promiscuous way . . .

Creatress 08-15-2009 07:14 AM

Yep, and if you and your husband each have an outside lover-friend/partner/spouse, you'd be an "N" instead of a V. See it? Regarding explanations, I'd just say you're looking for a straight guy to have a secondary(?) relationship with.

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