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-   -   trying to make it work (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=57380)

Welly 10-10-2013 11:42 AM

trying to make it work
 
Hi, probably in wrong section so please move post if it is.
I've been looking for a forum like this but only today did I even discover there was a term for our relationship.
in very brief me and my partner who have been together now for 16 years and 6 years ago I had an affair, this destroyed our family and understatement of the year left my partner heart broken. Over the last 6 years we have worked at rebuilding our relationship.
One of the things we have discovered is how without meaning our previous time together we both found controlling and we enjoy being the people we were when we met rather than be as others think we should be.
My friends think I'm weird but at present apart from with my partner I don't sleep with other people (the outside world/ friends don't know about this side of our life). What they see is my partner snogging other men and I know about the rest.
I enjoy my partner's freedom and as a male enjoy her descriptions of her encounters and she is comfortable with me doing the same but as I say at present it is my choice not to do anything, something I'm very comfortable with.
recently she met a guy and I could tell the connection immediately, this is different from other people she has met and I am in the process of dealing with the fact this is more than a physical thing. It is a strange thing seeing your other half laughing, giggling and looking so happy with another man. Of course there is a huge part of me that is jealous at the obvious connectivity but there is a huge part of me that loves seeing her so alive.
However this has created a practical issue for us, as I say previous her sleeping with other men has just led to us being closer and better sex. At the moment I just want to crab her and wrap her in my arms and make love to her. I understand that she has probably a lot going on in her head at present so giving her space is obvious. it is just hard when lying together in bed and as I say a totally new situation, I have suggested she buys a horrible onesey or granny nightdress to help!
Anyway apologies for this lengthy first post :rolleyes:

GalaGirl 10-11-2013 01:33 AM

So... what do you want help with? You do not clearly state.

Is it help with your emotional management so you can become more comfortable with her dating this new person "seriously?" Because unlike the others that were sex flings, this seems to be more?

Quote:

However this has created a practical issue for us, as I say previous her sleeping with other men has just led to us being closer and better sex. At the moment I just want to crab her and wrap her in my arms and make love to her. I understand that she has probably a lot going on in her head at present so giving her space is obvious. it is just hard when lying together in bed and as I say a totally new situation, I have suggested she buys a horrible onesey or granny nightdress to help!
I don't know what that MEANS. :confused: So I'm going to guess once sentence at a time. I could guess wrong. My apologies, ok?
Quote:

However this has created a practical issue for us, as I say previous her sleeping with other men has just led to us being closer and better sex.
  • We could share sex fine when she was having casual sex flings. My feelings about her dating seriously impairs /does not impair my ability to share sex with her right now. (???)
  • I am/am not having erection problems.
  • I am/am not having jealousy issues.

Quote:

At the moment I just want to crab her and wrap her in my arms and make love to her.
  • I want to share sex with her.
  • I have/have not asked her if she wants to share sex with me. (????)

Quote:

I understand that she has probably a lot going on in her head at present so giving her space is obvious.
  • She has/has not told me she wants space herself.
  • I am / am not assuming that she does not want to share sex.
  • I am / am not willing to tell her that I need to feel close connection and I'd welcome it to come in the shape of sharing sex together.

Quote:

it is just hard when lying together in bed and as I say a totally new situation. I have suggested she buys a horrible onesey or granny nightdress to help!
  • I am/am not having problems sharing sex with her right now.
  • These problems do/do not include erection problems.
  • I have suggested sexy lingerie to help with arousal /erection issues. She is willing/not willing to wear lingerie for me?

Am I even guessing close? :confused:

Could you be willing to update the stuff in blue? Or clarify what's going on between you?

Even though I'm not clear on what you have going on, I can see you are struggling. I'm sorry you feel ugh. :(

Galagirl


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