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-   -   finding my way (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=56894)

SEKmale 10-05-2013 03:17 AM

finding my way
Hello all! I am not here specifically to meet people. I am mostly looking to others for information and people to talk with about poly issues.

I guess I would be considered poly in that I have never been comfortable in monogamous relationships. I do like honestly, and that hasn't always worked out.

My current relationship is basically monogamish, to use Dan Savage's term. My GF and I had been in other relationships, but kept sneaking off together. Somehow, instead of being just adventure buddies, we came to form a serious relationship. We were drawn to one another because neither of has really had the desire or ability to "keep it in our pants." (her term).

What started very open and fun has changed, and I am not sure how to proceed. I became jealous when she was involved with someone else a year ago. Since then, she has lost her sexual appetite. My jealousy was not unfounded, but I tried to be clear that I support her in pursuing others, but I just needed a little reassuring.

Currently we are acting monogamous, which I don't dig. But the Monogamy is just while we get our ducks back in a row.

I am looking forward to learning how to forge this path to an enjoyable life. feel free to send me a shout any time.


kdt26417 10-05-2013 07:57 AM

Hello Doug,
Welcome to our forum.

There is a lot of information and good people to talk to here, so dig right in. Perhaps start with our Golden Nuggets board and go from there.

It is probably a good idea to take a "break from poly" while you get things figured out between the two of you. On this site, you might consider a search (or better yet a tag search) for "communication" as that is probably the #1 key to making a poly relationship work. And there's never a shortage of new things you can learn about better communication.

All kinds of challenges can arise in open/poly relationships. Sometimes NRE (New Relationship Energy) causes us to "lose our head," overlook flashing red signals in our new love interest, and neglect and ignore our original partner without even realizing it. Perhaps that's what happened to your girlfriend. I'd have to know more details to be sure.

Hope Polyamory.com helps you get your stuff figured out so you can start your poly life again.

Kevin T.

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