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-   -   Need help!!! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=56875)

Hopeful3 10-04-2013 08:23 PM

Need help!!!
Hello to everyone,

I'm Dean from Melbourne in Australia, I currently married and was recently on a adult site with me wife.
We have always been open to fun but recently I found myself meeting a older lady that I now have strong feelings for and her for me.

The new lady in my life suggested that a "Big Love" life style could be a option I wasn't even aware of "Big Love", I looked at a few episodes and realised this could be a great life style and all could be happy.

This is where it gets interesting me thinking my wife was very open minded as we'll and that if I could make both ladies happy it wouldn't be a problem, we'll my new lady and I decided that we should all meet and have a good time and take it from there we'll we did and we all drank to much we had a good time until my new lady was kissing me and my wife got jealous.
They have been out a two times since and I always get my wife saying stuff that to my new lady things to try and make her dislike me.

Besides all that my new lady and I still see each other and my wife knows she isn't really happy and recently my wife and I had a argument and she was telling me that it's not normal to think all three of us could be together in a relationship and that just because Muslims do it that it doesn't make it ok.

I think it's a great lifestyle and all can be happy can anyone help me.

WaywardDruid 10-08-2013 04:28 PM

Hmmmm ?
Hmmmm ?

First thing I'm not sure why you put this in Articles ?? It'll probably be moved to a more appropriate area of the forum.

Second thing it could be helpful if you mention the ages of the parties involved ?

Third " Big Love " is a fictional show on HBO about a fundamentalist Mormon family in Utah that practices polygamy not polyamory. ??

Research on what you as the male really want might be helpful to you. Communication and honest discussion with all parties might get you where you want to be or at least let you know where the others want to be and their boundaries. It maybe that your wife is not ready for the type of relationship you want and would rather just continue with the swinger lifestyle that you imply you were both into on the adult site.

Good luck,
Just Me,

london 10-10-2013 03:10 AM

Your wife doesn't want to have a non monogamous relationship. Your choices are to accept that, or break up with her and find people who do want that.

Indygirl78 10-10-2013 02:10 PM

Does your wife not want a non monogamous relationship now? Or is she not a fan of moving this woman in with you? Have you talked to her about that? If her issue is with living together with this other woman, but not about you seeing her separately, then respect her wishes. There is nothing that says you have to all live together.

GalaGirl 10-11-2013 01:24 AM

I could be wrong, but here's how I see the bullet list...

  • New lady: Ok swinging. Suggest polyshipping and seems willing to polyship together.
  • You: Ok swinging. Seem willing to polyship together.
  • Your wife: OK swinging. Not willing to polyship together.

  • You and GF and wife "get together" to do WHAT? Are you saying you all had a threesome and that's the best time you and GF decided to spring "polyshipping" on your wife as a concept? :confused:
  • After announcing this... you and GF make out in front of your wife?. Are you confusing "jealous" with "angry?" Because if she goes in expecting swinging and comes out with a bombshell -- she's not going to be thrilled to see you two keep on making out.
  • Your GF tells you that your wife says things to her (the GF) to try make her lose interest in you. (You witness this happening? Or is this GF talking to try to rope YOU off ?)
  • You and GF continue to share sex and / or date despite that fact that your wife is not happy about that and there is conflict to resolve first. (Side note: If she has NOT agreed to polyship, you and GF are basically cheating on your agreements with wife to keep it at "swinging." Whether or not that agreement is realistic or not is another story... but that's the agreement. It has not been renegotiated. You could take a time out and resolve the conflict first.)
  • You and wife recently argued about polyshipping and it is clear she's not up for it.


I think it's a great lifestyle and all can be happy. can anyone help me.
Well, all could be happy.

But whether this group of people can be happy together in polyship? Does not seem likely at this time with just this post's data.

There's more to this story I am not clear on.

Exactly how did you make your wife aware of your desire to polyship with your swing partner?

What do you want help with?
  • Letting the idea of polyshipping go?
  • Help apologizing to wife for putting her on the spot (if you really did reveal this desire right after a threesome)?
  • Breaking up with the GF? The Wife?
  • Something else?

What's your desired outcome?


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