Polyamory.com Forum

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-   -   New for us (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=56685)

nostorinogt 10-01-2013 05:59 PM

New for us
Hello everyone My name is Mike and My wife is Amanda. We are new to the idea of polyamory and trying to find a good way to get started. I am heterosexual and I just found out about a month ago my wife is bisexual.

kdt26417 10-01-2013 07:42 PM

Hey Mike (Amanda too),
Welcome to our forum.

Looks like you're very fresh on the scene and a clean slate (which I got to write on first, woo-hoo!). The best way to get started (IMO) is to read, read, read (and post your thoughts, questions, and concerns as they arise). We have a Golden Nuggets board that's very good for introducing you to the basics. Also there's a Dating & Friendships subforum, should you feel inclined to start looking around for friends and/or dates right away. But as I said, I'd recommend learning a lot about polyamory first, before diving too deep into the deep end of the pool.

A couple of additional (offsite) resources that might be good to take a look at:

"Opening Up," a book by Tristan Taormino;
Franklin Veaux's poly pages.

Have a look around on our site; tap into our search and tag search engines; lots of collective wisdom here from many points of view, so it's a good place to accumulate a broad view of the landscape ahead. I wish you guys the very best and am glad you could join us.

Kevin T.

nostorinogt 10-01-2013 08:25 PM

Yea, We are still in the research phase of this. We join a local poly group so we can meet like minded people. I Mike was happy going through life in a monogamous marriage then my wife being bisexual came up about a month and a half ago.

GreenAcres 10-01-2013 09:54 PM

Doesn't necessarily mean poly
Mike, I just wanted to point out that poly isn't a necessary outcome of one partner in a relationship being bisexual. If you both want to be poly, that is great; but, many bisexual people are not poly and are perfectly happy. Being bisexual doesn't mean you have to love or be intimate with people of both sexes simultaneously, just that you can be loving or intimate with either sex.

I am not trying to discourage poly, btw. I am, and believe it can be a great lifestyle. But, it's not a foregone conclusion of being bisexual, which is a bit like how your posts read to me.

kdt26417 10-01-2013 11:58 PM

Re (from nostorinogt):

"We joined a local poly group so we can meet like minded people."
Yes; that is an outstanding call in my opinion.

Whatever you decide as far as whether or not to practice polyamory, it can't hurt to gain knowledge (from a variety of perspectives) about it. I also think it is good to have poly friends. :)

nostorinogt 10-02-2013 09:56 PM

She want to have experience with women again and the only way I feel comfortable with this is for both of us to be able to have freedom to have an outside partner. You have to understand that I though I married a straight person. This was something that was just brought to my attention just a little over a month ago.

nostorinogt 10-02-2013 10:04 PM

I am more of a traditionalist when it comes to marriage. I don't care if your gay or straight but marriage in my eyes used to be between 2 people. I am the one opening up to this Idea. I would not let my wife step outside this marriage with out me being able to play along too. If she stepped out with out my blessing I would consider it cheating.

LovingRadiance 10-02-2013 10:16 PM

I don't think that's quite what they meant.
More that there are a variety of non-monogamous styles (like swinging) that aren't poly.
Not that it's necessarily that one person is or isn't allowed.


That someone whose bi (which I am) may not actually act on it within the bounds of a mono relationship. Heck-I'm in a poly relationship-but there just isn't anyone who meets my criteria for dating to fill that interest of mine.

Anyway-it's totally ok to be seeking info. Just realize-some of the info you get, won't be pertinent, and some you didn't think was pertinent, might be.

kdt26417 10-02-2013 10:24 PM

No doubt there must be consent from all involved parties; otherwise it's not honest polyamory. I agree that it's fair and appropriate for both of you to be able to see new people.

Dagferi 10-03-2013 05:57 PM

Going into poly as a tit for tat situation usually does not end well. Meaning it is not fair to play with another persons emotions meaning getting involved with them when the only reason is because your wife is doing it you are going to do it too.

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