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-   -   Exes (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=56500)

PolyinPractice 09-29-2013 02:58 AM

Can anyone share their experiences with bringing an ex back into a poly relationship? Girlfriends, boyfriends, spouses.....?

LovingRadiance 09-29-2013 03:54 AM

I've never done that. I do remain friends with all of my exes. Which is easier in a poly dynamic because there isn't as much expectation that we *shouldn't* be friends. But-I always was that way, even before poly.
I haven't dated any of them again, because in every case, there was a reason we stopped dating that is still valid.

Ariakas 09-29-2013 10:31 PM

I am with LR, I have never done that. But I also cant remain friends with my ex's. So the likelyhood of this occurring is really small.

Dagferi 09-29-2013 11:54 PM

Nope while I may remain friendly... I do not cross the same bridge twice relationship wise.

WhatHappened 09-30-2013 12:31 AM

Interesting. My BF has made the comment that when someone breaks up with him, there's no getting together again, ever. Is this typical of poly?

LovingRadiance 09-30-2013 05:10 AM

I wouldn't say there is never a chance. If my ex girlfriend re-appeared I would definitely go there.
But-I broke her heart, so she isn't going to. Friends she will allow, but more than that-no way.

The thing is, that there are situations I could see it happening in. But they are rare.

If whatever caused the breakup is resolved, no reason not to try again.

nycindie 10-03-2013 06:42 PM

I've stayed friends with many exes, and re-dated several exes. I've even recycled a few exes by fixing them up with friends. Each situation is unique. If I had a chance to date an ex while in another relationship and he was okay with non-exclusivity, that's fine with me. I don't have any stories to tell, but I really don't see it as some earth-shattering thing, or any different from dating anyone, except for having a history together and memories to share - but everyone learns and grows and evolves as a person, so I would think that a new relationship with an old ex is simply a new relationship.

Dianthus 10-05-2013 01:20 AM

I'm doing it currently. It's working out well for us, but I think that's because of the special situation.

Specifically, that ex and I broke up because of outside influences in the relationship (mainly, issues between me and another partner) and not because there was anything not working in the relationship between the two of us. We've also both independently thought through that situation and dealt with the ways that our choices were the best possible option in a shitty situation, so there isn't any animosity or resentment or even old issues from our previous relationship to address.

Also, it's a relationship I was in before and during my current marriage, which makes it the ultimate unthreatening situation for my husband -- we have literally already been there, done that and bought the tee-shirt.

Personally, I don't think anything else would have brought me back to polyamory. We'd been monogamous by default for so long, and because of how busy we are with family and career stuff had long switched over to not having relationships with people who happened through our lives just because we could, but really waiting for a deep connection. We're a bad bet on several fronts anyway (we move a lot, we have small children and crazy work schedules), so as much as I wanted that connection, I'd admitted it just wasn't likely to come together unless I was willing to make a lot of pretty fundamental changes in my life. Being lucky enough to have the opportunity to reconnect, especially with someone who I have such deep feelings with, is an enormous gift and I feel unbelievably blessed and lucky.

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