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travelblondie 01-20-2011 01:52 AM

New but not so new
 
I am not totally new to the Poly world. It has been around in my life since about the age of 15. Or thats when I started to realize what was going on with my Parents. It wasn't intil my Parents told me (I guessed before they told me) that I found out it had been going on before I was born. But I am recently new to experinceing the lifstyle.
I grew up catholic and really had issues with my Parents lifestyle. I struggled with it a lot. My Mom kept it mostly away from us. Everyonce in awhile her boyfriend would come over and he was always respectful of my sister and I. He never pushed the realtionship in our faces. My Dad on the other hand was different. I can't really be angry with him for it...because of two of those realtionships, I have gained a friend who is now like another sister to me, and a step family who has welcomed me with open arms. But things came to a breaking point, I got stressed out over my parents bickering over thier lifestyle, left school and moved to another state far away.
I never had a serious realtionship. I never really trusted myself to be happy after what I experinced with my parents and blamed it on the Poly lifestyle. Just last year I got back into a relationship last year with an ex and it started to become serious. We live a couple hours away and both our jobs demand so much of our time, And also I work seasonally. Just before I headed off to my summer job he suggested a Poly relationship. He knew of my Parents, as we had knowen each other back in high school, and thought that I would be ok with it. I wanted to keep hm in my life. After we had broken up High School we had stayed friends but I had a feeling that if I went away not agreeing to this, he would not be in my life. I don't know if he is the one or if I still believe in the one anymore. My summer was a torment. I knew he was seeing other women and I was tryng my best to get into it, but it drove me nuts. On one hand it was ok because I had seen from my Parents and some of thier friends, but on the other I was mentally sick from it.
Now He and I are at a stand still. We talk, but when we do, it's not for very long and he keeps asking me if I have been out and where and with whom. I don't know where I stand with him anymore, he wants me to come out to him to be closer, but in the back of my mind I wonder if I move out there and he still wants the Poly lifestyle, can I handle it being that close to it when I had a hard time being 2,000 miles from it.

ImaginaryIllusion 01-20-2011 02:01 AM

Welcome to the Forum

redevil 01-20-2011 02:04 AM

It kills me..
 
It's so hard to see that you and I had completely different reactions to the same relationship. But then I stop and think about the person my mother was and what she did to me and I understand. She always had to be the focus even if that meant hurting those around her :mad:

I love you like family and that if nothing else, tells me that given that right circumstances, this can be good. It has definitely given me a good idea as to how I want to handle it with my own kids. I think sometimes people don't really think that you are going to notice and figuring it out on your own hurts so much worse then being told and being respected, not only for yourself as an intelligent person but really of someone who has a part in the relationship.

I think back to the kids in the group who didn't know..who just thought our parents were all really good friends who had these get togethers. I wonder if they ever found out..how that made them feel. For a while I wondered if I was this way because I grew up around it..but I think it's just a part of me, a part that I can accept and understand better because I did see it first hand.

You are amazing and strong and I love you!:p


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