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-   -   New in world of polyamory and in need of forumcontact! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=56147)

Hoyam 09-22-2013 05:08 PM

New in world of polyamory and in need of forumcontact!
Hello i'm a married mother of 3 who more or less accidently became involved in a poly-relationship. It happened, in all honesty, but without looking for it. only after a few weeks it became clear what this was and after a while i found out about polyamory! Never heard of it before!

So, me, married, woman, 33 years old, my husband (married for 10 years) is 35, and lately i became involved with a man, 44 years old. Both of them are mono. Me, i enjoy my new vision of life, new experiences, et cetera. Also we struggle because it's new, not a choice (especially for my husband) and we have to adept to this new situation. We don't talk about this outside out home because of the children, shame, fear of not open minded reaction et cetera.

Hopefully this forum helps me in this proces!

FullofLove1052 09-23-2013 01:13 AM

Welcome to the forum. I do hope you find the information here useful. If you have any questions, feel free to ask them. At some point, we were all newbies and each found our respective paths. It is a constant learning curve, and I am sure you will do fine. I wish you and the men in your life all the best.


Maleficent 09-23-2013 03:55 AM

Welcome. Like you, poly life took me by surprise. It's been a little over a year and we are all working toward a life together.

Hoyam 09-23-2013 12:00 PM

Thanks for the welcom!

sleepygirl 09-23-2013 12:32 PM

Poly seems to work best when it develops naturally. It's challenging, to be sure, but there is a lot of good advice and information here. Welcome!

Hoyam 09-23-2013 05:46 PM


Originally Posted by sleepygirl (Post 232751)
Poly seems to work best when it develops naturally. It's challenging, to be sure, but there is a lot of good advice and information here. Welcome!

Well that is nice to hear! It kind of just happened and our conversations about it were always open and honest. After finding this way of life 'polyamory' it was just like what we were doing already! Only now i knew it was not strange or selfish but for other people also a lifestyle. So it was 'normal!'

kdt26417 09-23-2013 11:42 PM

Welcome Hoyam,
Glad to have you on our forum.

It sounds like this has been a challenging leap of faith for your husband, but I take it he is indeed okay with your relationship with the new guy?

Since it's all new, there will be many things to learn, and Polyamory.com is a good place to start. May I suggest our Golden Nuggets board? It covers a lot of the basics.

You'll find good insights throughout this site, and you're always welcome to post your thoughts, questions, and concerns as they arise. Most people would say, "Gosh, how lucky can you get to have two guys instead of just one?" The truth is, you have quite a challenge on your hands! Two guys with unique personalities, wants, needs, and fears, and you have to find a balance of your time and attention between the two that will make them both happy. Not that they have no responsibility for making it work; it's especially important they keep you updated on how they're feeling, for instance. But you're what we call a "hinge" in a V configuration, and a hinge has a big job.

Hope you enjoy the time you spend here.
Kevin T.

Hoyam 09-24-2013 07:50 AM

Thank you for your kind words! Yes my husband is ok with it, but one day more than the other day. He is very good to me, kind, Lets me do almost anything since we are together. I think deep down he wishes to have me to himself. So he is not poly-minded like i am becoming at the moment.

Your words about my position in the V are so true! It's not as easy as i thought, it's a nice challange! I like diffeculties, trying new things, but sometimes i feel like i have to consider everyones feelings and i feel like although i am in the middle, my feelings are less important than the feelings from these men! Haha. Nice to find information here, to talk to people who know what they are doing (?!) and can explain things to this new-poly-woman!

kdt26417 09-25-2013 02:14 AM

With time and continued research, I think you'll find that things get easier. Shoot, everyone has their "good" and "bad" days with poly, even hard-core practicers of polyamory!

Let us know if you have any questions or concerns that pop up, and keep us posted on how it's all going.

Kevin T.

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