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-   -   Finding someone (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=557)

berserker239 08-01-2009 12:13 AM

Finding someone
So im with a girl, we both want to have a third to our relationship. Shes bisexual and im not, so it has to be a woman. The hard part is finding a bisexual woman who will. Its hard enough finding a bi girl, let alone a bi girl into poly. Any tips? Anyone from the greater pottsville pennsylvania area that knows of some girls into that? Its kinda hard to walk up to a girl and say "Hey are you bi? Oh and by the way, wanna date me and my girlfriend?"

Just doesnt seem like its a good conversation starter. Idk, im confused on how all this works, its not the worlds norm and isnt widely accepted. Any suggestions on how you started yours?

MonoVCPHG 08-01-2009 12:18 AM

You're looking for a unicorn my friend. There's a whole thread on that. Good luck in your search, there's a lot of you looking. :)

XYZ123 08-01-2009 12:22 AM

If you find one make sure she's not a horse with a goat horn glued to her head. Then ask if she has friends and send them over. :p

berserker239 08-01-2009 12:28 AM

Ah, im looking for a woman that doesnt exist? Well honestly, my girlfriend has a friend, that said she would do it, be with us both at the same time that is, but shes with a man whom shes been with for 7 years and loves deeply. So i dont think its a unicorn per se, but a 4 leaf clover

foxflame88 08-01-2009 12:30 AM


Originally Posted by berserker239 (Post 3630)
Ah, im looking for a woman that doesnt exist?

Oh, we exist... we're just few and seemingly far between.;)

vandalin 08-01-2009 02:50 AM

A lot will depend on what you are looking for in the long run. Do you want a commited relationship between you, your girl and this third woman? Are you just looking for someone to take up space in the bedroom? These are things to figure out before you go looking for your third.

aussielover 08-01-2009 02:57 AM

Another thing is, you can't really control who you fall in love with. So if it's truely a poly relationship you want, and not one for just sex, it's difficult to find someone who falls in love with both of you.

As Alli says, it CAN happen... we DO exist. I happened to find my loves by chance. None of us were looking and it just happened. We didn't even know about the poly lifestyle until we had already decided we were going to live it.

Good luck.

Ricavaler 08-01-2009 06:23 AM

I agree with the previous posters... it's hard to specifically go out and find someone who will love both you and your partner. Also that perhaps you need to define more what it is you are actually looking for long term. If it's more of a sexual thing, perhaps swinging is a more direct line to what you seek.

berserker239 08-01-2009 06:30 PM

We arent looking for another knotch in the bedpost. We're looking for a committed third to our two, i wouldent use a woman as a plaything.

We want someone to share good and bad times with, to be there when things get bad and when things are good, weve never been into the norm so this comes as no surprise to us.

My girlfriend is bisexual but has never had a girlfriend, shes done things with a woman but never got into a relationship with one because her step-father is homophobic. I couldent tell you why we want to do this. Its just like when you fall in love, you dont know what it is about that person that makes you want them so bad, you have ideas, but you never really know.

vandalin 08-01-2009 06:48 PM


Originally Posted by berserker239 (Post 3724)
Shes bisexual but has never had a girlfriend, shes done things with a woman but never got into a relationship with one because her step-father is homophobic.

I'm assuming you mean your girlfriend here as this would be a very unusual requirement for a third person.

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