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-   -   Sigh....why do people feel the need to be needlessly abrasive? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=55664)

Flowerchild 09-16-2013 08:08 AM

Sigh....why do people feel the need to be needlessly abrasive?
 
My Vent:

Is there a reason why people on this site continually pick fights over the meanings of words? Language is fluid, what a word means to one, means something totally different to another.

Why get caught up in the hassle of trying to make others buy your definitions?

Also, what do people get out of insulting each other here? I've seen people make passive aggressive comments towards trolls, learning disabilities, and an inability to use the English language.

I was hoping to use this as a sounding board, but I rarely see the threads stick to topic.

I don't feel the need to revise and edit my words so carefully that I make crystal clear sense to EVERYONE who likes to analyze. I have thoughts. I post them here as an afterthought for opinion.

If that offends you, then just leave it alone and don't engage.
/?
Also, who monitors these forums? Is there anyone who steps in and removes posts where a person is blatantly being rude?

london 09-16-2013 09:17 AM

Yes, but of course, like anything else, moderation is biased. People disagree, it really isn't a big deal, it's the Internet.

Emm 09-16-2013 09:31 AM

If you feel someone is being abusive or has otherwise violated the board rules please report them using the little triangular button on the top right-hand side of the offending post.

Natja 09-16-2013 09:48 AM

What's wrong with being aggressive towards trolls?

london 09-16-2013 01:16 PM

I guess it matters when people use the word troll to describe someone who challenges their views and then behaves aggressively and discourteously towards them because they essentially made them feel/look stupid.

Ariakas 09-16-2013 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flowerchild (Post 229971)
My Vent:

Is there a reason why people on this site continually pick fights over the meanings of words? Language is fluid, what a word means to one, means something totally different to another.

Why get caught up in the hassle of trying to make others buy your definitions?

Also, what do people get out of insulting each other here? I've seen people make passive aggressive comments towards trolls, learning disabilities, and an inability to use the English language.

I was hoping to use this as a sounding board, but I rarely see the threads stick to topic.

I don't feel the need to revise and edit my words so carefully that I make crystal clear sense to EVERYONE who likes to analyze. I have thoughts. I post them here as an afterthought for opinion.

If that offends you, then just leave it alone and don't engage.
/?
Also, who monitors these forums? Is there anyone who steps in and removes posts where a person is blatantly being rude?

:).. "blatantly rude" is something subjective. Your rude may not be someone elses. And to eliminate anything that is contradictory would homongonize the forum quite a bit.

I have always treated moderation like reffing, there are a set of rules in place, but you have to let the game play out. In many ways the players are what matters and the game or conversation would be less effective if we homogonized the entire process.

All that said, Emm has it right. Report the user and it will get looked at. I know we mods can't watch and view every post in every thread. I know I skip most for the exact reason you describe. I have nothing constructive to add so just avoid it. Anything I would say would just be sarcastic or even annoyed.. the problem is a lot of people on the internet have the strength of anonymity and use it to their advantage.

So yes, report it, explain why its offensive and we will discuss and or deal with it. We work on an infraction based system so if it continues.. they get booted. Easy peasy.

ColorsWolf 09-16-2013 10:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flowerchild (Post 229971)
My Vent:

Is there a reason why people on this site continually pick fights over the meanings of words? Language is fluid, what a word means to one, means something totally different to another.

Why get caught up in the hassle of trying to make others buy your definitions?

Also, what do people get out of insulting each other here? I've seen people make passive aggressive comments towards trolls, learning disabilities, and an inability to use the English language.

I was hoping to use this as a sounding board, but I rarely see the threads stick to topic.

I don't feel the need to revise and edit my words so carefully that I make crystal clear sense to EVERYONE who likes to analyze. I have thoughts. I post them here as an afterthought for opinion.

If that offends you, then just leave it alone and don't engage.
/?
Also, who monitors these forums? Is there anyone who steps in and removes posts where a person is blatantly being rude?

I know EXACTLY what you mean, *sigh* I have been apologizing for OTHERS' interpretations of my words my whole life and I REFUSE to do it anymore!~

I say what I mean, take my words for what they literally mean, NOT some abstract value you might think I am trying to "say" without "saying it".~

LovingRadiance 09-17-2013 04:17 AM

Part of the problem is that this board has people from SO MANY cultures and even different primary languages-that it's impossible to ensure that even the small majority have the same understanding of any given word.

Therefore-people ask a lot of questions & what seems rude to one, seems logical to another. What seems overly emotional to one, seems reasonably concerned to another.

Words one person uses fluently, another has never heard before.

It would be impossible to resolve all of this as a moderator. The only way to ensure that people respond in "the preferred method" would be to limit discussion to a group of people who are all so similar that they naturally operate by the same agenda, manner, purpose etc-which is absolutely impossible when dealing with so many cross-culture, varied age-range, myriad experiences etc.


For example: I haven't been offended by either you or color. I have offered my thoughts, based upon having been part of this board for 4 years, as to where the confusion lies in several threads by each of you. Both of you at different times have taken my words to be attacks-when in fact, I was just trying to offer a gentle explanation as to why other people may have been confused-with NO JUDGMENT at all regarding your actual writings.

But-that is the nature of the internet-you can't see my facial expressions, you can't hear my tone of voice, you can't read my body language. So-because you already felt attacked, you assumed my words were an attack also. Even though that wasn't at all my intent.

That-is a perfect example of how you reacted in the same way that you are complaining others are reacting to you. A misinterpretation of my meaning and then being hurt/angry or the like about what you thought I meant.

This happens ALL OF THE TIME on these boards-it's the nature of trying to communicate in such a limited venue.

ColorsWolf 09-17-2013 07:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance (Post 231471)
Part of the problem is that this board has people from SO MANY cultures and even different primary languages-that it's impossible to ensure that even the small majority have the same understanding of any given word.

Therefore-people ask a lot of questions & what seems rude to one, seems logical to another. What seems overly emotional to one, seems reasonably concerned to another.

Words one person uses fluently, another has never heard before.

It would be impossible to resolve all of this as a moderator. The only way to ensure that people respond in "the preferred method" would be to limit discussion to a group of people who are all so similar that they naturally operate by the same agenda, manner, purpose etc-which is absolutely impossible when dealing with so many cross-culture, varied age-range, myriad experiences etc.


For example: I haven't been offended by either you or color. I have offered my thoughts, based upon having been part of this board for 4 years, as to where the confusion lies in several threads by each of you. Both of you at different times have taken my words to be attacks-when in fact, I was just trying to offer a gentle explanation as to why other people may have been confused-with NO JUDGMENT at all regarding your actual writings.

But-that is the nature of the internet-you can't see my facial expressions, you can't hear my tone of voice, you can't read my body language. So-because you already felt attacked, you assumed my words were an attack also. Even though that wasn't at all my intent.

That-is a perfect example of how you reacted in the same way that you are complaining others are reacting to you. A misinterpretation of my meaning and then being hurt/angry or the like about what you thought I meant.

This happens ALL OF THE TIME on these boards-it's the nature of trying to communicate in such a limited venue.

I, like I hope others will do with my posts, will in the future carefully examine your posts and all posts I read so as to try not to misunderstand or to come to an unfounded conclusion.~ I am sorry for all instances of me doing either.~ *bows*

Luckily I am as forgiving as I am patient, it's just that after years of apologizing for other's misinterpretations of my words seem to have finally made me express my exasperation for it I didn't even know I had.~ I realize now that I don't have to constantly apologize for things out of my control and I also forgive everyone for anything they have said or done to me.~ :)

^_^

Can you feel the love in this room and that I'm sending towards you?~
I hope so!~ ;)

^_^
ColorsWolf :)

LovingRadiance 09-17-2013 07:09 AM

Colors-no apology needed in my direction. ;)

Like I said, 4 years on this board, several years prior I started being on boards like this. I've learned that this miscommunication thing-it just IS. ;)

I took an interpersonal communication class online (yes online lol) a few semesters ago. I really learned A LOT about why it's so impossible to have "great" communication in this venue. It's really not a "fault" issue.

It's hard to remember sometimes that we are sensitive and that by nature we can't do much about-we view everything through the lense of our own experience.
But-we don't have the same experiences. Sooooo-inevitably-we read each other wrong! LOL!

So-we struggle to understand, we fail, we live and we learn.


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